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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House move tomorrow and at my wits end with exH

195 replies

Housemovestress · 12/04/2021 23:20

Anyone who has moved house recently please tell me if AIBU.
Background - I moved out of the family home with dc’s 18 months ago and now divorced. I moved out because exH wouldn’t leave and it was untenable us living together and certainly not in the children’s best interests - he has form for verbal abuse etc.
House sale is going through tomorrow and o have bent over backwards to help him, found him a short term let whilst he waits for his new house purchase to go through, given him a full garage to store his furniture etc . He has assured me that he had a van booked for a final load in the morning.
This eve he tell me his van isn’t coming now until 4pm. We should be completing around midday. I have absolutely no control over him and I am scared there will be a big scene if I turn up as he would think nothing of screaming at me in front of our buyers.
The house will be theirs and he will still have stuff there for hours after - I am completely mortified. How would you feel if you were our buyers? I don’t know if I should ring our buyer in the morning and pre-warn her, exH is telling me to keep out of it, it’s his house move - however it is legally me who is selling it!
I am stressed

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 12/04/2021 23:25

Could you explain to the estate agent who is selling your house. I would usually only talk to them and never to the buyer. Maybe the agent could get a move on your dh as he is probably only doing things to annoy you.
It's a very stressful time but hopefully by tomorrow at 6 it will be all over.

junebirthdaygirl · 12/04/2021 23:26

Meant to say let the agent talk to the buyer and not you as that's too awkward for you.

Pupster21 · 12/04/2021 23:28

I’m sure there’s a fee to pay if they don’t get the keys before 4pm so he will have to pay this via the solicitor for wasting time

Original poster
Housemovestress · 12/04/2021 23:32

For various reasons the buyer and I have been in regular contact over past few months and built up a good relationship but yes I think I need to call the agent in the morning and explain the situation

OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 12/04/2021 23:32

Is there a reason you need to be there OP?

If not turn your phone off and don’t engage

BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 23:32

He sounds like a right PITA. It's his last opportunity to mess with your head OP.

Original poster
Housemovestress · 12/04/2021 23:33

They will get keys pre 4pm it’s just he will still be in the house! I suggested to him that he left his stuff in one room and went for a coffee whilst he waited for the van to arrive but I got screamed at down the phone for that suggestion and told to keep out of it

OP posts:
BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 23:33

@BluebellsGreenbells

Is there a reason you need to be there OP?

If not turn your phone off and don’t engage

I wondered this.

Original poster
Housemovestress · 12/04/2021 23:34

I don’t need to be there and not planning on being now but I feel that I am responsible given it is legally me selling the house and I want to make it as stress free for our buyers as possible

OP posts:
CheshireDing · 12/04/2021 23:37

Well presumably he signed page 2 of the contract (as an adult occupier) to say he would vacate on completion. If the property is not empty the buyers Solicitor may serve notice on you for failing to complete and give vacant possession, you will not be getting the sales proceeds until it’s resolved.

AmelieTaylor · 12/04/2021 23:39

In your position I would call the buyer as you've got to know them if you think they'd be understanding.

As the buyer I would understand your situation and I'd be happy to discuss with you the best approach to your ex dickhead. Personally I've never known an agent not make any situation worse.
I'd also have told Ex that he gets a van there at 9am because if I have to it's going to cost him double van hire etc

Good luck!!

Get the bubbles loaded in the fridge!! By tomorrow night it'll all be over!!

mumwon · 12/04/2021 23:43

move his stuff into the back garden & hope it rains (or pay someone to do it for you & if they want to throw it out the back window... shame)

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 12/04/2021 23:46

Friends moved to a large house after a good deal of flakiness from the vendors. They arrived after collecting the keys to find the family eating lunch round the table in their 5 bed house, with almost all their furniture still in situ. Friends rallied all the chums they could and in a couple of hours we had put all their wordly goods out in the front garden and on the pavement (small, quiet village). It took them three days to take it all away.

This is what your exdh could be facing if he doesn’t leave on time. I’d get your solicitor to call him first thing to remind him that he must give vacant possession on completion, and that means at midday. I wouldn’t get stressed about talking to your buyers beforehand. His bravado might run out before it becomes a problem.

BluebellsGreenbells · 12/04/2021 23:47

How much is left to move?

Original poster
Housemovestress · 12/04/2021 23:49

Very little left to move - one van load and can fit into one room, it’s a big house so they will be able to move all of their stuff in, it shouldn’t hold them up it’s just he shouldn’t still be there!

OP posts:
Felifox · 12/04/2021 23:52

Contact your solicitor and get him to deal with your ex, I'm sure there will be a solution, even if you have to pay your buyer's removal men to move his stuff out.

Good luck

Pupster21 · 12/04/2021 23:53

I would be refusing to go in until he left and leaving it to the solicitor.

ChiefBabySniffer · 12/04/2021 23:53

@Housemovestress

They will get keys pre 4pm it’s just he will still be in the house! I suggested to him that he left his stuff in one room and went for a coffee whilst he waited for the van to arrive but I got screamed at down the phone for that suggestion and told to keep out of it
Highest, he's told you to stay out of it so just do that. I really have no idea why you are bending over backwards to try and help him.... you left him, but still seem to want to run his circus.

Step away and work on your boundaries!

BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 23:54

I'd be inclined to stay well away too TBH.

RedToothBrush · 12/04/2021 23:58

Leave him to it.

You being there won't help the situation unfortunately.

He's doing it to be difficult. He knows what he's doing. You aren't going to change his mind.

People moving in will have the keys. Unless he changes the locks but there doesn't seem a point in that if he's most of his stuff already.

There's space for them to move stuff in.

Ultimately what are you going to contribute to the situation in a positive way apart from make it worse and more uncomfortable for your buyers?

DelphiniumBlue · 13/04/2021 00:19

You won't be completing until he moves out.
It would be nice to give the buyers a heads-up that they shouldn't expect to be able to move in until late afternoon, but if you do, they could instruct their solicitors to start serving formal notices. Might be best to keep your head down and let everything take its course.

Rainbowqueeen · 13/04/2021 00:23

I know someone like this

Despite him screaming at you for your very reasonable suggestion I think he will actually do it. He’s just cranky because it was your idea. I’d leave him alone to get on with it

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 13/04/2021 00:23

Your solicitor needs to be in this loop. You can't complete without vacant possession. He could just sit tight and cause you problems.

BlueDahlia69 · 13/04/2021 00:24

He's doing this deliberately, he wants you round there stressing packing his stuff whilst he sits there in complete control watching you.

Step away, try not to engage. 🌸

LolaButt · 13/04/2021 00:37

I had a crappy move day for various reasons. Had to keep telling myself that at some point that day it was all going to be over. It became a mantra and actually helped.

He sounds like a knob op. Leave him to it.