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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House move tomorrow and at my wits end with exH

195 replies

Housemovestress · 12/04/2021 23:20

Anyone who has moved house recently please tell me if AIBU.
Background - I moved out of the family home with dc’s 18 months ago and now divorced. I moved out because exH wouldn’t leave and it was untenable us living together and certainly not in the children’s best interests - he has form for verbal abuse etc.
House sale is going through tomorrow and o have bent over backwards to help him, found him a short term let whilst he waits for his new house purchase to go through, given him a full garage to store his furniture etc . He has assured me that he had a van booked for a final load in the morning.
This eve he tell me his van isn’t coming now until 4pm. We should be completing around midday. I have absolutely no control over him and I am scared there will be a big scene if I turn up as he would think nothing of screaming at me in front of our buyers.
The house will be theirs and he will still have stuff there for hours after - I am completely mortified. How would you feel if you were our buyers? I don’t know if I should ring our buyer in the morning and pre-warn her, exH is telling me to keep out of it, it’s his house move - however it is legally me who is selling it!
I am stressed

OP posts:
m00rfarm · 13/04/2021 00:47

I bet any money his van arrives
in the morning. I would tell no one about the 4pm shit. Not agents. Not lawyer. Not buyers. No one. And if he is still there when they arrive let them sort it out. But I bet he will be long gone. It’s just a control thing. And even if he does stay until 4pm he’s the one looking like an idiot. If anyone says anything say you assumed it was just one more lie from your piece of crap ex. And that you didn’t think even HE would be that dumb.

ineedaholidaynow · 13/04/2021 00:51

But surely there could be legal implications for the OP if he hasn’t moved out, if she is selling the house. It’s not a case of just letting him annoy the buyers

Pantsomime · 13/04/2021 00:55

Tell your solicitor- it won’t be the first time they’ve had to cross this bridge with angry ex refusing to move out on time - then chill

VenusTiger · 13/04/2021 00:57

Do you have contact details for this man with a van OP? Could you order your own?

SeasonFinale · 13/04/2021 01:08

Will he definitely leave??

DYWMB · 13/04/2021 01:45

He's the one who will look ridiculous when his crap is still there.
You need to take a step back from him.
Organising lets and sorting his shit out is now his responsibility.

mrfrostywasadick · 13/04/2021 02:02

When you say it's legally yours, does he own the house too?

snowqu33n · 13/04/2021 02:11

Tell him to put his stuff outside while waiting for the van. The house is no longer either of your property.

Lineofconcepcion · 13/04/2021 02:17

I really think that's his problem not yours. Why be so involved . . .

SunIsComing · 13/04/2021 06:45

After tomorrow, stop helping your ex.

forinborin · 13/04/2021 06:52

My vendors stayed for two weeks after the completion claiming various misfortunes, and there's nothing I could do outside of initiating a full legal eviction procedure through the court, as you'd do with a tenant.

knitonedropone · 13/04/2021 06:54

@Housemovestress

Anyone who has moved house recently please tell me if AIBU. Background - I moved out of the family home with dc’s 18 months ago and now divorced. I moved out because exH wouldn’t leave and it was untenable us living together and certainly not in the children’s best interests - he has form for verbal abuse etc. House sale is going through tomorrow and o have bent over backwards to help him, found him a short term let whilst he waits for his new house purchase to go through, given him a full garage to store his furniture etc . He has assured me that he had a van booked for a final load in the morning. This eve he tell me his van isn’t coming now until 4pm. We should be completing around midday. I have absolutely no control over him and I am scared there will be a big scene if I turn up as he would think nothing of screaming at me in front of our buyers. The house will be theirs and he will still have stuff there for hours after - I am completely mortified. How would you feel if you were our buyers? I don’t know if I should ring our buyer in the morning and pre-warn her, exH is telling me to keep out of it, it’s his house move - however it is legally me who is selling it! I am stressed
You need to stop mollycoddling him, you are his ex not his mother. He's not going to take any responsibility when he knows you will do it for him.
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 13/04/2021 06:57

God I bet you can't wait to get rid of this fool for good, it will be a celebration like no other. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

Allwokedup · 13/04/2021 07:02

He’s so selfish.

stoopider · 13/04/2021 07:04

Good luck today. Best to call the agent first thing and let them know. They will have dealt with this all before

Cherrysoup · 13/04/2021 07:06

Keep well put out of it, you have done more than any other ex! Now is time to withdraw and let him get on without you holding his hand.

UCOinanOCG · 13/04/2021 07:08

I would let the agent know there may be some issues then let them deal with it.

DragonflyInn · 13/04/2021 07:09

It’s not about the op mollycoddling him though, it’s about her legal responsibilities and liabilities as the seller of the house.

Op are you selling it jointly or is it just you? If it’s just you, has he signed something as an occupier to say he will vacate?

I think it’s a good idea to get the estate agent and solicitor to speak to him this morning.

RachelRavenRoth · 13/04/2021 07:09

told to keep out of it
Then meep put of it. He isnt your problem.

Cattitudes · 13/04/2021 07:09

There's probably not much that will happen other than the new owners getting annoyed. Our new house wasn't empty until 2 30 the next morning. Some of their stuff was collected a few weeks later. The solicitor said that it wasn't really worth claiming anything for as the compensation would be minimal. Fortunately we were not out of pocket and it sounds as if the new buyers can get access just not to all the rooms.

adreamofspring · 13/04/2021 07:11

Hi Op sorry for this hassle and massive knob and an ex that you have to put up with. At least, come 4pm you’ll be shot of him. When I bought the house I’m in now, we completed at noon but the owners were still packing up, we’re aggressive to the removal men, so we waited and it cost us extra money in removal company fees because of the delay.
So definitely worth flagging to the estate agents asap as the buyers will have a plan for their day in their heads which might not be the way things go down and could be stressful for them. Not your fault and you can stay out of it but it’s fair that they are warned.

Bluesheep8 · 13/04/2021 07:18

This eve he tell me his van isn’t coming now until 4pm. We should be completing around midday. I have absolutely no control over him and I am scared there will be a big scene if I turn up as he would think nothing of screaming at me in front of our buyers.

He's done this on purpose hasn't he?
I'd ask the moving firm I was using to move his stuff out into the garden (pay them) so your buyers still have their lunchtime completion. You are both legally bound to that. Then that is the last involvement you have in his business.

PawPatrolGalore · 13/04/2021 07:20

This is not your problem, don’t take on the mental load of dealing with it. His furniture, him that needs to be out, his problem to deal with. Not your problem or fault at all.

MiddleParking · 13/04/2021 07:22

Are the buyers a couple? Is the estate agent a man? I’m assuming they’ve got their own men with ven. I suspect if you’re not there and several men who are angry with him are, his tune will change very quickly. What an absolute cunt.

IWantWhatShesHaving · 13/04/2021 07:23

Another vote for just leaving him to it. I think he’s pulling your strings.

If he doesn’t move out in time then you can ask the removal people for help/speak to the buyer.

Acting sooner could potentially cause unnecessary stress for the solicitor and buyers.

PS your ex is a knob. But you probably already know that! Flowers Gin for you!