House move tomorrow and at my wits end with exH

[Housemovestress]

Anyone who has moved house recently please tell me if AIBU.
Background - I moved out of the family home with dc’s 18 months ago and now divorced. I moved out because exH wouldn’t leave and it was untenable us living together and certainly not in the children’s best interests - he has form for verbal abuse etc.
House sale is going through tomorrow and o have bent over backwards to help him, found him a short term let whilst he waits for his new house purchase to go through, given him a full garage to store his furniture etc . He has assured me that he had a van booked for a final load in the morning.
This eve he tell me his van isn’t coming now until 4pm. We should be completing around midday. I have absolutely no control over him and I am scared there will be a big scene if I turn up as he would think nothing of screaming at me in front of our buyers.
The house will be theirs and he will still have stuff there for hours after - I am completely mortified. How would you feel if you were our buyers? I don’t know if I should ring our buyer in the morning and pre-warn her, exH is telling me to keep out of it, it’s his house move - however it is legally me who is selling it!
I am stressed

Two things come to mind reading this.

1. How do buyers turn up to the house with someone still in them? Seller moves out, locks House, takes keys to estate agent. Estate agent tells solicitor house is vacant. Solicitors complete. It obviously does happen sometimes as people have said so on here, but hopefully it's unlikely.

1. You mention being financially severed from the ex after this. In time I'd recommend getting a free credit report from the various companies to check you are no longer financially linked. A lot of people don't realise that their ex is still appearing on their credit reports /searches etc until you ask for them to be financially disassociated. I found my ex husband on mine even though I had nothing to do with him any more (no more joint mortgages, no more joint bank accounts etc but still linked).

Good luck for today, I hope he's just trying to cause you stress and will actually get out of the house this morning. Can you do something to take your mind off it all, like take the children out for the day?

When we moved into our house the sellers hadn't packed. Even the cutlery was still in the kitchen drawer. By 2pm it was all on the front garden and we moved in. The next door neighbours filled their garage with the sellers possessions and the rest was collected over the next few weeks. The sellers had to pay for a skip to remove other items which had been agreed to be removed as part of the sale. Your sellers might take it all into their own hands and clear the house themselves, so they can get in and start cleaning and unpacking.

@MrsTulipTattsyrup

Friends moved to a large house after a good deal of flakiness from the vendors. They arrived after collecting the keys to find the family eating lunch round the table in their 5 bed house, with almost all their furniture still in situ. Friends rallied all the chums they could and in a couple of hours we had put all their wordly goods out in the front garden and on the pavement (small, quiet village). It took them three days to take it all away.

This is what your exdh could be facing if he doesn’t leave on time. I’d get your solicitor to call him first thing to remind him that he must give vacant possession on completion, and that means at midday. I wouldn’t get stressed about talking to your buyers beforehand. His bravado might run out before it becomes a problem.

Similar thing happened to me. Completed on a 5 bed property, arrived with our stuff, vendor had not packed one single thing. Did not seem to understand at all (was highly educated tho!) We had to pack his stuff for him! X

OP, hopefully he'll sort himself out and move out but you should give your solicitor the heads-up as you will have contracted to sell with vacant possession. Where it's slightly disorganised sellers needing an extra couple of hours, that's one thing, but a resident in situ refusing to move out is something completely different.

If it's your name on the contract then unfortunately you can't step away - you'll need to speak to your solicitor.

There are more than one set ok keys to a property
The new owners only need the front door key to get in. The other keys left on the house. It’s more a symbol of the sale.

So it can happen.

I’ve known it can happen. Quite a few people underestimate how long it will take to pack and clean and just don’t get moving.

If you warn the buyers in advance, their solicitor may delay completion? Which means the whole thing could drag on. (I once had to delay completion at v short notice when it became apparent the night before that the seller had no intention of moving out the next morning). I think leaving things as they are, complete at noon and let him deal with the aggro himself is best. It’s shitty for the buyers if he acts up, but equally it’s not your fault.

@onthinice

Two things come to mind reading this.

1. How do buyers turn up to the house with someone still in them? Seller moves out, locks House, takes keys to estate agent. Estate agent tells solicitor house is vacant. Solicitors complete. It obviously does happen sometimes as people have said so on here, but hopefully it's unlikely.

1. You mention being financially severed from the ex after this. In time I'd recommend getting a free credit report from the various companies to check you are no longer financially linked. A lot of people don't realise that their ex is still appearing on their credit reports /searches etc until you ask for them to be financially disassociated. I found my ex husband on mine even though I had nothing to do with him any more (no more joint mortgages, no more joint bank accounts etc but still linked).

Good luck for today, I hope he's just trying to cause you stress and will actually get out of the house this morning. Can you do something to take your mind off it all, like take the children out for the day?

Point 2 - excellent advice there, hope it turns up negative results, but best to be sure.

Point 1 - completion doesn't happen as you say there. Solicitors agree a time between them which as far as I can recall is in the contract so all parties should know it. Money changes hands at that agreed time, which I think is usually 12 noon or 1pm, and that's the point when the ownership has changed, whether the seller has left or not.

I'm always mesmerised by these stories of vendors who have done no pcking at all. What do they think they're doing when they put their house up for sale? Do they honestly expect to get the money from the sale but not to have to leave the house? Or is it an extreme form of procrastination caused by finding the idea of packing up so overwhelming that they can't even make a start on it? Baffling, either way.

I'd move it all out into the front garden! Or back if it has access to the front.

The buyers, despite having a "good" relationship will be quite rightly pissed off and could cause you some issues if his stuff is still there.

People still being in the house after purchase is far more common than it should be.

Solicitors deal with it all the time.

He is less likely to kick off if you aren't there.

If the sellers turn up and he's still there, he can kick off all he likes but he's not going to achieve anything. There is really very little point in him doing so, so he probably won't.

He may be an annoyance to them if his van doesn't turn up, and may kick off if they try to move his stuff to outside, but then its up to them to deal with it. Police if necessary.

You have informed him of when he needs to be out. As far as you are concerned thats what happening.

You can legitimately argue that you can't oversee him actually leaving because of the abuse you get.

You cannot physically remove him yourself. It puts you at risk.

You aren't the first person who has been in this position. You won't be the last.

He can't stay in the house forever. The new owners will remove his stuff and change the locks the second he does leave.

I agree with @saffire .

As a buyer - put bluntly - I don't care about the ins and outs of the previous owners relationship history.

What I expect is vacant possession of the property I purchased at the correct time. I'd far rather have that and some furniture and whatever on the front lawn for a few hours, than have removers in the afternoon when the company I've paid for will be trying to get furniture in at the same time.

Unfortunately flowers and wine wouldn't really cut i as I'd be annoyed that the vendor knew about this problem, but didn't address it properly.

Yeah i wouldn't do the flowers etc. I'd plead ignorance and have done with it.

You are only inviting more aggro and abuse if you admit you knew the problem

It would be wonderful if he kicked off with the buyers and they called the police 👮‍♀️

That would be so amazing

Urgh I'm looking forward to my ex twat H behaving like this.

So far he's dallied about failing to show how / if he can take over the mortgage.

I think the house will have to be sold - waiting for the court case for the judge to decide - then he'll be a complete arse over getting on with the process.

I feel so precarious being financially bound to him

I would also not be very interested in the relationship history between the vendors but would be irritated to find someone in the house I'd just bought.

If you knew it was likely that would be even worse.

Hindsight is always risky but did your solicitor not advise you to ensure he was out of the house in advance of the completion date? When I bought a tenanted property one of the conditions for completion was that I got to view it prior to completion to confirm it was empty.

We once helped some friends move house and it was an incredibly stressful day. They were the parents of our daughter's friend and lived in the next road to ours. They were nice people, but not close friends.

They had packed nothing until moving day. I was clearing out kitchen drawers and putting them in boxes as midday arrived. Needless to say nothing had been cleaned for the new owners. It's the very opposite of how we approach house moving and I had to grit my teeth all day. We did get out shortly after lunch time, but lots of stuff ended up in the front garden to be taken later in the day.

I can't get my head around that mentally. The couple were both intelligent with good jobs. The wife had been in the army, so I expected her to be good at logistics. Apparently not.

I feel for you op. I get more stressed about things that I can't control and I understand the frustration.

For those saying keep out of it, that's easier said than done if the op has some responsibility legally if the house isn't vacant at the right time.

Hope it goes well.

I don't know if it's been said, but the buyers could be liable for increased costs if their movers are kept waiting. As I buyer I would be wanting to hand that cost over to the seller if it was a decent amount of money.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g ah I see. That explains how it can happen then. I've been lucky enough not to experience a problem both times I bought a house and had just assumed all keys had to be with the EA before completion became final.

I would tell him that if he doesn't have a van here in time, you will organise someone to leave his stuff in the street outside as you will not risk having to pay the owners compensation if they cannot move in properly.

Mention that once it is on the street it is at his own risk.

@Acovic

I would also not be very interested in the relationship history between the vendors but would be irritated to find someone in the house I'd just bought.

If you knew it was likely that would be even worse.

Hindsight is always risky but did your solicitor not advise you to ensure he was out of the house in advance of the completion date? When I bought a tenanted property one of the conditions for completion was that I got to view it prior to completion to confirm it was empty.

How exactly could op make sure he was out of the property? That's pretty much the point she can't he's abusive.

[quote onthinice]@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g ah I see. That explains how it can happen then. I've been lucky enough not to experience a problem both times I bought a house and had just assumed all keys had to be with the EA before completion became final.[/quote]
Last time we moved we just collected the keys the EA had been holding for viewings - the other sets were left in a kitchen drawer by the vendor (apart from all the spares which neighbours told us they had over the coming weeks! We changed the locks on moving day, so it was moot, but I’m surprised by how free some people are with giving others access!)

Sit tight and wait. At least he seems to be (a) planning to leave and (b) has booked a van. I suspect he has actually booked a van much earlier in the day and is enjoying winding you up.

Unfortunately for buyers, it isn't uncommon for sellers to not be ready to move out in time and there are rarely any consequences unless the breach has a serious impact. It has happened to me twice and their estate agents were very "like it or lump it" with us. First time at midday we told the ES we were coming to collect keys. They said "don't - the sellers aren't out yet". Three and a half hours later we were still waiting and went to the ES office and kicked off. They gave us the keys - we turned up and the sellers were still nowhere near packed and their children were lolling on the sofa watching TV. They were completely unapologetic but then a bit narked that we just started moving our stuff in. They did then step it up a gear and cleared off (after another couple of hours).

Second time the ES called me the day before and said the sellers "realised" the van they had hired was too small and they'd have to make two trips and wouldn't be out until mid-afternoon. I absolutely let rip as these sellers had really thrown their weight around earlier on and insisted on a date earlier than the one we had preferred, and now they weren't bloody ready. I am a solicitor and threatened to sue for breach of contract blah blah (as posters have said the compensation would be minimal but it seemed to do the trick and miraculously they were able to book a bigger van). But a delay of a matter of hours would not have been worth pursuing at all.

Get your solicitor involved. Get them to tell him that the furniture is not removed by 11am you will be getting your own van and taking all the furniture to the tip.

I would hate the seller to pop over the night I moved in for anything, even flowers and wine.

I would keep them yourself. The buyers are strangers and you aren't responsible for your ex.

When I sold my last house, my buyers, money hadn't reached my solicitor by the contract time. All my stuff was packed in the removal van. Despite chasing my buyer, she was pretty relaxed about the whole thing. By 3 nothing had happened, my removal men were getting restless - long story short, didn't complete that day, my stuff went into storage, I well to a hotel, had to buy personal stuff for the night. Eventually got the keys the following day but removal men were already booked for another job so eventually moved me in 2 days later. Cost to me for the delay was £1000 - my buyer refused to pay so took her to small claims and won.

People directly across the street from us thought they and friends could move them out. It was a split, with the couple and each persons set of friends spending more time arguing about getting in each others way and who was having which bits of furniture than moving.

Then the new owners and the removall van arrived. Theyvwaited a while and presumably some