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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holding on to a grudge for a wedding no show?

509 replies

Sightforsoreeyez · 11/04/2021 12:10

Would you be upset at an evening guest that didn’t show up because they decided to go out drinking with their friends instead and never messaged on the day to say they weren’t showing up? Limited guests so I would have invited someone else.

Obviously this was a couple of years ago now but that person has since messaged me to meet up for a catch up. Am I silly for holding on to a grudge most people wouldn’t be bothered about?

OP posts:
Bonniegirlie · 11/04/2021 12:13

Oh, I would be so bothered about this. I would never forgive it and certainly wouldn't be bothered meeting up. In fact I'd probably arrange to meet and then not turn up................

Foghead · 11/04/2021 12:15

I wouldn’t bother either. I don’t feel like it’s necessarily holding a grudge, just why would you bother with someone who cared so little for you?

elenacampana · 11/04/2021 12:15

2 of my husband’s ‘friends’ did this at our wedding, both were evening guests with a guest each. We haven’t spoken to either of them since!

It’s rude, disrespectful and not what a decent person does.

PrelovedWithValue · 11/04/2021 12:16

An evening guest? So someone that isn't close enough to invite to your marriage ceremony?

Wouldn't bother me.

NailsNeedDoing · 11/04/2021 12:16

A couple didn’t show up to the evening part of our wedding, no message. But they weren’t close friends, that’s why they only had an evening invitation in the first place. It has never occurred to me to hold a grudge about it.

AWamBamBoom · 11/04/2021 12:16

I would bear a grudge too and probably wouldn't meet them. Did they apologise?

Scarby9 · 11/04/2021 12:17

Yes.
I hold a grudge about a former work colleague who didn't turn up to my 50th and didn't let me know.
The numbers were strictly limited and I had paid £30 a head.
When I saw her on the Monday she said she had been 'all cosy in my jim-jams and I just couldn't be bothered'.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 11/04/2021 12:17

I would hold a death grudge for the rest of my life. But then I am half Italian.

Haggisfish · 11/04/2021 12:18

I hate evening only invites. I wouldn’t think to send a message for not going either as I would assume bride would be busy on the day.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 11/04/2021 12:18

@PrelovedWithValue

An evening guest? So someone that isn't close enough to invite to your marriage ceremony?

Wouldn't bother me.

This. They weren't important enough to you to be invited to the whole day, so why care enough to hold a grudge
TotorosFurryBehind · 11/04/2021 12:19

I might meet up to give them the chance to apologise, hopefully with maturity and hindsight they realised what a shitty thing that is to do.

We had some family pull out of our wedding last minute with a crappy reason, have not spoken to them since. But I would consider it if they would recognise how awful and upsetting their actions had been.

littlepattilou · 11/04/2021 12:19

@Sightforsoreeyez

So this rude, ignorant so-called friend of yours, has only just messaged for a catch-up, after TWO YEARS of no contact from them, and no apology for not showing up at your wedding?

MiddleClassProblem · 11/04/2021 12:20

No, sorry, I couldn’t get worked up about this. If I had invited them as an evening guest, then to me it’s would a be someone I’d enjoy spending time with and would love to see them there but not a big deal if they couldn’t make it.

If it was someone so important you would be disappointed they couldn’t come then you should have invited them to the whole thing.

I think the only way for you to feel snubbed was if your evening do was super informal (the could rock up in jeans) and local to them. So if it was in a pub and they went to another down the road when they could have popped in for one, then that’s a bit crap but if you were having a wedding more informal like that I suspect you wouldn’t be that fussed anyway.

Haggisfish · 11/04/2021 12:20

IMO why bother inviting people to evening only?

WinstonsWeirdVole · 11/04/2021 12:20

We had a wedding no-show (no apology either) and I never bothered with her after that. I didn’t stay angry as that would’ve been a waste of energy, but I figured I don’t even get to see my good friends as much as I’d like, so why waste time on people who clearly have such little regard for me? YANBU at all.

LawnFever · 11/04/2021 12:21

Depends if you were catering per head for the evening or not, mostly it’s a buffet and you only cater for about 70% so no it wouldn’t bother me that much - if it was a closer friend they’d have been invited all day anyway

Tlollj · 11/04/2021 12:21

I’d agree to meet then not turn up.

Tarantallegra · 11/04/2021 12:21

I'd assume that evening invites mean no cost so no limit and it wouldn't matter that much. If I'd said I was going then I would go though so I do think it's a bit rude

Annny27 · 11/04/2021 12:21

I had a day guest do this at mine and it was 5 years ago but I intend on holding this grudge for life 😂😂😂😂😂😂

dangermouselovespeanutbutter · 11/04/2021 12:22

The whole day, or just the evening?
We had a couple of no shows. One of DH's colleagues didn't turn up and messaged him a WEEK later to tell him his car had broken down. He hasn't seen him since.
My only cousin messaged me THE MORNING OF THE WEDDING to tell me she was too busy with uni work to come. She'd have made that decision at least 24hrs before as she and her parents were travelling down the day before.
I was made to go to her wedding a few years later as my dad couldn't have gone alone. I resented every second of it, and was spitefully pleased when her "friends" at our table told us they didn't really know her that well and weren't sure why they'd been invited.
Grudge? Me? Never Grin

LawnFever · 11/04/2021 12:23

@Haggisfish

IMO why bother inviting people to evening only?
Totally fine to invite for the evening only, often the ceremony can be limited on numbers and a sit down wedding meal is expensive, it’s completely normal to invite some people just for the evening party and I don’t see why people get sniffy about it.

If you get an evening invite and you don’t fancy it just say you’re not going, no big deal at all

SchrodingersImmigrant · 11/04/2021 12:23

I think people REALLY need to learn difference between a friend and acquaintance...

OverTheRainbow88 · 11/04/2021 12:24

No, I find just inviting someone to the evening more rude IMO

Aprilshowersandhail · 11/04/2021 12:24

My friend DID turn up.
At my child free wedding.
With her 2 dc in tow...
Angry

littlepattilou · 11/04/2021 12:24

Whether it was just 'evening only' or not is irrelevant. The OP's 'friend' should still have let her know they weren't coming. It's bloody rude to not be arsed.

Unless this person did it out of revenge for only being invited to the 'night do.'

Some of the posts on here suggest that some people would be angry and resentful at only being invited to the night do. Wink