Holding on to a grudge for a wedding no show?

[Sightforsoreeyez]

Would you be upset at an evening guest that didn’t show up because they decided to go out drinking with their friends instead and never messaged on the day to say they weren’t showing up? Limited guests so I would have invited someone else.

Obviously this was a couple of years ago now but that person has since messaged me to meet up for a catch up. Am I silly for holding on to a grudge most people wouldn’t be bothered about?

glittereyelash

I had a few no shows at my wedding for my full wedding 6 people from the same table let me know that morning they couldn't make it. I didn't care then because I was so happy on the day and I don't care now because life's too short ❤️

Cared enough to notice, remember and then regale us all with a thrilling story. Lives too short - let it go already

Your thread is hardly thrilling either, OP. And it's possible to remember things without caring about it anymore.

ddl1
But if your main preoccupation is how she looks in the photos, I'm not very surprised that she may not put a very high value on the friendship.
I hadn't seen her between her return from holiday and the wedding (just under a week) so didn't know about the sunburn until she was in her dress (5mins before leaving the house for the ceremony) and at that precise moment I had far more important things to be thinking about (like my wet, unstyled hair that she'd promised to sort but didn't).
It was others who commented about her whilst waiting for the photos to be taken and at the reception, then again when we got the photos and video.
The "friendship" was absolutely fine until after this had happened, so she had absolutely no reason to have not valued it, and it was me who knocked it on the head because of her failure to do the things she'd promised and not respecting my wedding day.

To be blunt, I think you are both bad friends and deserved each other.

She was rude, unkind and irresponsible to let you down over things that she had promised to do; and apparently without even an apology for her unpunctuality. If she didn't have time to do her bridesmaid duties properly, she shouldn't have committed to do them in the first place.

But:

You were unkind and shallow to even think about what impression her sunburn made in the photos. Would you react in the same way to someone who 'spoiled' the photos by turning up with their leg in a plaster cast because they'd broken their leg on holiday? Because both are medical problems, even if of different degrees of severity. The other people who had the unspeakable rudeness to comment unasked on her appearance in the photos were also inexcusable in doing so!

I actually washed it at about 1.55 when she eventually arrived then she said she didn't have time to do anything at all with it, so by the time we were leaving at 2.30 it was still wet, not sopping but enough to be noticeable.

This is what I don't get.

Why did you only wash just as she arrived?? People who do wedding hair don't tend to wash it. It's not a cut and blow at the hairdressers!

For a start, most people have their make-up done before their wedding hair.

Why wasn't your hair washed and dried ready for her to style it?

I'm not really surprised she didn't have time to do anything with it, if you were washing it when she arrived

ddl1 . . I don't know anyone who would accept the rude and irresponsible behaviour displayed by my bridesmaid on their wedding day.

A broken leg is not normally self-inflicted therefore unavoidable and unavoidable but sunburn is avoidable by USING SUNSCREEN or covering up!

I was due to be a witness at her wedding a couple of months later and was also going on holiday in the meantime. Yes, after her behaviour I told her that I would not be attending her wedding and eventually cut her out of my life but had I not done so, I would have been conscious of the fact that i was part of the main wedding party and been mindful of what I was wearing on holiday and would have ensured no sunburn by using sunscreen or I'd have worn clothing that would not leave visible lines that could be seen when I was at my friend's wedding.

I would do things like that because I am a considerate person and wouldn't dream of doing anything to upset my friend's day.

It really doesn't take much to have a little consideration for someone's special day when they've spent so much time and money making it the very best they can.

I actually washed it at about 1.55 when she eventually arrived then she said she didn't have time to do anything at all with it, so by the time we were leaving at 2.30 it was still wet, not sopping but enough to be noticeable.

Nope, don't believe it. Nobody waits hour after hour for their makeup persin/hairdresser knowing they have to leave for their wedding at 2.30, and only eahes it at 1.55 😂😂
Nobody is that much of an imbecile.

Washes, not eashes (why did my stupid phone change it a non word?!)

Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady ...

On the basis of her saying every 15mins that she was 10mins away and that I shouldn't do anything because she would do it when she arrived. That's why I hadn't done it before.

Also, even if I'd washed it earlier, for when she was expected to arrive (10am), by the time she arrived at almost 2pm she barely had time to get into her own dress, never mind so any of the things she'd promised to do and by the way HAD BEEN PAID TO DO!

Anyway, I think we've all completely deconstructed the morning off my wedding day enough by now. It was 26yrs ago and my life is so much better without people in it who have no consideration for others.

I only commented on here, on a thread about people not showing up and/or giving rubbish excuses or none at all) to say that my bridesmaid, as an important member of the main wedding party, almost didn't show up and that with hindsight it would probably have been better if she hadn't. I've said my piece and won't be drawn into commenting further on the subject!

On the basis of her saying every 15mins that she was 10mins away and that I shouldn't do anything because she would do it when she arrived. That's why I hadn't done it before

Ok.

Most people would have used their own judgement after the 1st, maybe 2nd message. Just saying

@Viewfromtheisland

Hm, Radio Scotland are broadcasting a very similar dilemma this morning.

I'm slightly hoping that the good old Daily Fail will pick it up -'one Mumsnet user even said...' It would be one to tick off the bucketlist.