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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH working in bed

468 replies

cripez · 08/03/2021 10:38

DH has a very large bespoke office at the end of our garden, very comfortable, with a sofa, cushions, rugs, heating etc.

He has a creative job that he could do anywhere with WiFi and a plug, but we spent a lot of money on the office building as it was to be his space away from the distractions of the main house.

So why the hell is he working from our bed every single day? He hasn't worked in his office since Xmas, has maybe popped up there for zoom meetings away from the kids then always home and back to bed.

I have the house to myself two days a week (one dc at school and the other in childcare) and I would like to have a bit of downtime, and maybe even a nap, after over a year or lockdowns and disruptions.

But I can't because he's up there farting into our duvet and leaving coffee cups all over the place.

AIBU to kick him out? Maybe I should turn his office into a bedroom for me and sod off up there all day.

OP posts:
LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 08/03/2021 10:42

take over the office, make it your she shed...a She'd if you will

get a sofa bed, blankets, candles...and fart into your own duvet.

Original poster
cripez · 08/03/2021 10:44

It's covered in his stuff though. I would have to throw out all his crap first.

We paid over £30k for this fucking building that he never uses and I'm a bit livid about that.

I knew this would happen.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 08/03/2021 10:44

Yup, it's now your office! He obviously doesn't want it!

Thehawki · 08/03/2021 10:44

Is work from home permanent or likely to change soon? If permanent you’ll need to talk to him about how you need the space to rest as you’ve not had time all year with homeschooling. I’m not sure I’d want to sleep in a bed someone had been working in all day either, the sheets have had no chance to air out all day.

Maybe you’ll need to compromise for a short time if it’s not permanent and tell him to work in the office for those two days, it does seem odd that he doesn’t want to work in such a nice space you spent lots of money getting though.

gamerchick · 08/03/2021 10:45

I'd be taking it for myself me, with bells on.

Give him a choice if you want, then just do it.

CycleWoman · 08/03/2021 10:46

That would really irritate me! My husband is working in our bedroom (as we don’t have the space elsewhere) and we both find work encroaching on that space a bit annoying.

I would take over his office for hobbies and relaxing!

Original poster
cripez · 08/03/2021 10:46

He's freelance so WFH mainly, but occasionally he's called in for meetings. He can get contracts that require him to work out of an office but generally I'd say he's over 75% WFH.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 08/03/2021 10:46

He’s taking the piss. Start hoovering loudly around him in your room. Or have a dance party for one.

I used to sometimes work from my bed but I didn’t have a massive fucking office as an alternative! Cheeky sod.

Original poster
cripez · 08/03/2021 10:47

I don't want to hoover. I want to sit in bed with a cup of tea and read my book.

And maybe go for a poo out of earshot of him.

OP posts:
Original poster
cripez · 08/03/2021 10:48

I feel bad but part of me just wants him to eff off so I can be on my own for a bit.

I am so tired of sharing space with him 24/7.

OP posts:
Hadalifeonce · 08/03/2021 10:49

I am sure the sheets need washing today, grab them off the bed while he's in there!

Dayafterday · 08/03/2021 10:50

That’s gross (the farting in bed while working.)

I used to enjoy studying in bed occasionally but I lived on my own!

Can you set up the home office as your space?

Original poster
cripez · 08/03/2021 10:52

I don't see how I can deal with this without him getting arsey with me.

I just want him to use the room we paid a premium for, I want some space away from him. I don't want him knowing every time I get myself a biscuit or have a piss. I'm done with it.

OP posts:
Flittingaboutagain · 08/03/2021 10:53

I'm working from bed on and off because I'm pregnant and in quite a bit of discomfort and I feel guilty as I have a lovely home office too. I would be annoyed at the money spent too given he's not using it but at least it will have added value to your home.

I can only imagine there is some issue with the office - too cold in winter? Or an issue with him; is he in bed because he can't face life and it's a bit easier to make himself work by 'hiding' in bed?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/03/2021 10:53

Him wasting 30k on a room he doesn't use would piss me right off.

But I couldn't get bothered by him working from the bed. At least that leaves the rest of the house free. Now if he tried to work from the kitchen or living room I'd be pissed off.

user64332 · 08/03/2021 10:53

Just tell him! Ask him why he's not using it?

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/03/2021 10:54

I hate hoovering too. But you need to drive him out.

It’s more concerning you can’t have a calm sensible discussion with him about making the house work situation work for everyone in the family. Why doesn’t he care about your comfort? Why can’t you both talk without him getting arsey?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/03/2021 10:54

I want some space away from him you have the rest of the house.
I don't want him knowing every time I get myself a biscuit or have a piss why would he know this if he is in the bedroom and why would he care?

Original poster
cripez · 08/03/2021 10:54

It's not cold in winter because it's so bloody hi tech he can turn the heating on from his phone and have it toasty warm when he rocks up there.

But he can't be arsed.

OP posts:
Original poster
cripez · 08/03/2021 10:55

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I want some space away from him you have the rest of the house. I don't want him knowing every time I get myself a biscuit or have a piss why would he know this if he is in the bedroom and why would he care?
Because our house is actually quite small? The garden office is the biggest room in our house!
OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/03/2021 10:56

But I presume neither the toilet nor the biscuit tin are kept in your bedroom?

Original poster
cripez · 08/03/2021 10:57

@AnneLovesGilbert

I hate hoovering too. But you need to drive him out.

It’s more concerning you can’t have a calm sensible discussion with him about making the house work situation work for everyone in the family. Why doesn’t he care about your comfort? Why can’t you both talk without him getting arsey?

He will take it personally and think that I hate him. I don't. But I hate that I am never ever alone.

Everyone saying I have the whole rest of the house, well yes but what about my bedroom? My space to relax? I deserve a tiny bit of that don't I, after the year we've all had?

I'm not going to be in there snoring for five hours solid every day but I'd like the option.

OP posts:
RUOKHon · 08/03/2021 10:57

We’re contemplating building one of these rooms in our garden. But the thing is that if it never gets used it’s not like you can sell it or realise the money back from it (unless Air BnB??), you e just got a £30k white elephant sitting there in your garden.

And I totally get wanting space from him. Can you not just say that since he’s obviously not interested in using the office room, you’ll be taking it over yourself?

Original poster
cripez · 08/03/2021 10:58

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

But I presume neither the toilet nor the biscuit tin are kept in your bedroom?
Do you really want me to draw you a diagram?
OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/03/2021 10:59

@cripez

I don't see how I can deal with this without him getting arsey with me.

I just want him to use the room we paid a premium for, I want some space away from him. I don't want him knowing every time I get myself a biscuit or have a piss. I'm done with it.

Why would he get arsey?

Just tell him to fuck off to the expensive room he had built for his own use!

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