DH working in bed

[cripez]

DH has a very large bespoke office at the end of our garden, very comfortable, with a sofa, cushions, rugs, heating etc.

He has a creative job that he could do anywhere with WiFi and a plug, but we spent a lot of money on the office building as it was to be his space away from the distractions of the main house.

So why the hell is he working from our bed every single day? He hasn't worked in his office since Xmas, has maybe popped up there for zoom meetings away from the kids then always home and back to bed.

I have the house to myself two days a week (one dc at school and the other in childcare) and I would like to have a bit of downtime, and maybe even a nap, after over a year or lockdowns and disruptions.

But I can't because he's up there farting into our duvet and leaving coffee cups all over the place.

AIBU to kick him out? Maybe I should turn his office into a bedroom for me and sod off up there all day.

@cripez

It's not even a shed or a cabin. It's a fully built, roofed and plastered office. It has beautiful wooden floors. And French doors. Fully WiFi connected. And heated.

I've just been up to water the hanging baskets that hang either side of the doors that he hasn't bothered with at all, they were nearly dead.

He is being massively unreasonable not using this space....a space that was purposefully built for him to work in.

The only reason you've come up with for not using the garden office yourself is that you'd have to clear out his stuff first.

But that's not the case is it? All you'd need to do is clear whatever's on the sofa bed that's in there. What's your real objection to this solution OP?

I think you need to start that messy hobby you always fancied, pottery maybe, or large scale painting, taxidermy, breeding rabbits, sculpture, chain saw carving......

I totally sympathise OP. I’m a SAHM and I absolutely crave having time to myself. My youngest was in year R when schools first closed, so I had finally had a bit of time on my own, and then BAM, everyone was home! I really struggle with DH working from home, even in his office. It’s not so bad when I’m able to go out, but as there has been nowhere to go, and up until today, I’ve had the kids with me anyway, I feel like I’m fighting for space constantly. I hope you manage to get him back out to his office somehow.

oh dear...

@cripez

It's not even a shed or a cabin. It's a fully built, roofed and plastered office. It has beautiful wooden floors. And French doors. Fully WiFi connected. And heated.

I've just been up to water the hanging baskets that hang either side of the doors that he hasn't bothered with at all, they were nearly dead.

God, I would kill for this.

I'm sat in a corner of our conservatory (under 2 blankets) with my laptop on a camping table and books everywhere. If I had an office space like that I'd be in there all day, every (working) day...

Op you need to start what I call Pro revenge. You can brouse the sub redit Pro revenge for inspiration if needed.

Time to turn that expensive office space into your space one step at a time. Start by, swooping the blankets for an item in his office when he's gone to the loo.

@Lochmorlich

Every morning open the bedroom windows and then shut the curtains so he doesn't know. And put your summer duvet on the bed. And a cold hot water bottle at the end. Freeze him out.

And turn the central heating thermostat right down, while you go out to the toasty warm garden office.

@cripez

It's not even a shed or a cabin. It's a fully built, roofed and plastered office. It has beautiful wooden floors. And French doors. Fully WiFi connected. And heated.

I've just been up to water the hanging baskets that hang either side of the doors that he hasn't bothered with at all, they were nearly dead.

To be fair no ones hanging baskets are looking perky in March.

That would really annoy me.

I would tell him that if he isn't going to use the garden building as an office, you'll be boxing his stuff up and taking it over as a garden room.

That would now be being emptied and filled with my sewing machines and stash!

FFS!

@sillysmiles

Is there a real reason why you can't say "can you go use the office please, I need to use this room, thanks"?

Quite.

I never understand why so many women are so passive-aggressive and go into some kind of war and point scoring exercise against a partner, when you could just resolve things like 2 adults.

No wonder we are not taken seriously at work with attitudes like this.

This is the best humble brag thread I’ve ever read. I was halfway through before I even realised.

[quote WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants]@cripez

Just tell him! Tell him you spent £31k on a room just for him! And the rest of you want the small house to use as a house for ALL of you.

If he says anything about hating him then say 'yes, right this minute I do becayse for months you've been behaving like an inconsiderate, selfish, oaf and I'm done with it!!! Go To Your man cave /office'

Then let him sulk in there.

I'm sorry his childhood wasn't good, but he doesn't get to make your life a misery.

If it was a tiny, cold, damp shed I could understand,but it's not & there's NO excuse for him not to use it.[/quote]
If my DP ever talked to me like that he'd be out on his ear. If you hate your husband so much just divorce him.

This entire thing is a ludicrous non-problem. I've WFH for over a decade and very often I work from bed. Sometimes because I feel more creative, sometimes because it's warmer in the winter, sometimes - yes - because I'm feeling lazy. If my DP ever has a problem with that he's free to talk about it respectfully, not call me an oaf.

We live in a small flat and obviously with him also WFH we've been on top of each other more than is ideal. But there haven't been any arguments because we're able to work around each other. The optimal working environment on any given day is not necessarily the custom-built office.

In the OP's case there's nothing stopping HER from using the office if she wants some down time. But obviously the biggest issue is that she seems unable to communicate with a husband she doesn't like.

@draughtycatflap

This is the best humble brag thread I’ve ever read. I was halfway through before I even realised.

it's depressing how low your standards are if you think someone living in a tiny house with a garden office is "bragging".

Haha, I laughed so much when you said about him farting into the duvet 😂😂

I wouldn't want to sleep in a bed he'd been in all day, I think I'd pull the sofa bed out and sleep there. He can see to the kids if they wake.

All this flinging open windows and hoovering nonsense, not to mention taking over the office

The OP wants her own bed in an empty house, not an alternative.

All this emotionally abused as a child rubbish is an excuse. That doesn't mean the world should creep around him.

"I need to be alone in the house for a few hours, please could you take your work out to the office today? Thanks."

Simple

You really to just use that lovely room yourself! Seriously, make it your space. When he queries why tell him it’s ridiculous not to use it and since he won’t, you’ve decided that you will.

There’s obviously much more to this than just this specific issue. But seriously, since he won’t use it and you can’t actually make him use it, you have to take control of the things that are within your agency.

In the OP's case there's nothing stopping HER from using the office if she wants some down time.

if you read the thread, that would involve a lot of sorting out and effort.

I need MY space for work, I wouldn't share my "office" with DH whatever that office is, so taking over the garden room would mean it's no longer his.

I can understand the OP. Plus as the carer of the children when they are home, she is not able to disappear at the bottom of the garden and leave them to it.

Perhaps take photos of his office and put them on his pillows

@goodbyelenin for all you know that ‘tiny’ house could easily be over a million in some locations. Twat.

And if you really, really don’t want the hassle of having to make that space yours (which I’d totally understand), then you’re going to have to have the difficult talk with him and tell him that you need space.

There’s nothing else to do. Stewing about it forever will be really bad for you.