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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate smacking?

196 replies

Calmorfirm · 22/12/2020 20:52

I hate the idea if smacking children
My parents did it to me and my siblings and I hated it and my partner does it to our children and I hate it when it happens
It seems like the person who is doing it has lost control...is it ok for parents to still smack their kids these days?

OP posts:
HeadNorth · 22/12/2020 20:53

It isn't ok where I live, hitting children is illegal in Scotland.

MariaTia · 22/12/2020 20:56

YANBU it's assault pure and simple and should be relegated to history

blubberball · 22/12/2020 20:57

No it's not ok. It doesn't do any good. I was smacked as a child, and I have painful memories. I think that it's still legal in England, if you leave no marks and use nothing like shoes or belts. Just open hand.

MsJaneAusten · 22/12/2020 20:58

No. It’s not okay. It’s a terrible message to send to children. Have you spoken to your partner about it?

june2007 · 22/12/2020 21:00

I am in two minds, in someways it,s not exceptable but neither do i believe that every parent should be criminilised for smaking. Dr Penelope leach preaches on why smacking should be banned yets admits she has done it herself. I was surprised of colleagues at work younger then me whose mums threatened them with slippers and fliplops though.

SarahAndQuack · 22/12/2020 21:05

The problem is, if it remains legal, there will always be people who use that to justify being violent. One person's 'I slapped by four year old when he'd run into the road for the tenth time and I was at the end of my tether' is another person's 'yes, I lost my temper and slammed my child across the floor, but I'll tell myself it was a 'smack' and if the child say 'my dad smacks me,' they'll be told it's legal.

Original poster
Calmorfirm · 22/12/2020 21:06

Agreed that it isn't a good example to set for kids
I am very calm and against any kind of physical violence but can understand why people lose their temper when it all gets too much
My partner had an upbringing that was similar to my own where parents had high expectations of kids and if you were 'out of line' you pretty much expected a telling off or a beating

Compared to how me and my partner were disciplined the kids are generally outspoken and free spirited, but I do worry that the smacking will harm them in the future. My partner doesn't seem to mind and thinks I am too soft on them

OP posts:
NetballHoop · 22/12/2020 21:07

I was never smacked by my parents and I've never smacked my children.
I was "beaten" at school by the head of house and while it wasn't as painful as I'd thought before hand it did confirm to me that anyone who uses violence is an arse.

I could not live with anyone who did this. Sorry OP, but your partner is a violent arse.

june2007 · 22/12/2020 21:09

Netbal hoop, a beating is not the same as a smack though. I have been smaked , I have never been beaten.

berrygirlie · 22/12/2020 21:09

Smacking is never acceptable (and illegal where I am).
If someone's only method of teaching is violence, they're a dangerous person. I hope it's made illegal everywhere soon.

You really need to speak to your partner, OP.

Gardeniaofdelights · 22/12/2020 21:10

It’s abusive and, where I live, illegal.

How can anyone in good conscience hit a child?

DramaAlpaca · 22/12/2020 21:10

Of course it's not OK.

My parents managed to raise me in the 60s & 70s without ever resorting to smacking, as did DH's family. Neither of us have ever smacked our own DC.

There are plenty of ways to 'discipline' children without using physical punishment.

nimbuscloud · 22/12/2020 21:11

How old are the children? How frequently are they slapped?

RememberSelfCompassion · 22/12/2020 21:13

How often is your partner smacking them? Have you told them you would like them to stop?

RememberSelfCompassion · 22/12/2020 21:13

Ah snap nimbus.

Hope you're okay OP.

formerbabe · 22/12/2020 21:13

I was smacked as a child...I'm entirely unaffected by it. I don't smack my own dc though. I remember calling my mum a bitch and getting smacked round the face. I never did it again. When our ds is rude to us, we remove his phone. He earns it back by improving his behaviour. He is then rude again and the phone is removed once again and earned back and its an endless circle of removing and returning the phone. It's very tiresome and I'm not entirely convinced it's a brilliant way of disciplining. I still won't smack though.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/12/2020 21:14

I was smacked and don’t think it left me scarred or scared. Smacking imo isn’t lashing out, isn’t beating or slapping- when I was younger I was warned and then told that I would be smacked on my bum, it wasn’t an uncontrolled action, it was a form of punishment. Not advocating it but there is a difference.

Nottherealslimshady · 22/12/2020 21:14

It seems the age at which you can no longer hit a person is when they're capable of hitting you back with comparable force.

If my husband slapped me because I'd not used an oven glove for the millionth time no one would think it was ok. But he could slap a child for running into the road?

All it does is teach children to fear their parents, comply without question and use violence as a solution.

berrygirlie · 22/12/2020 21:16

I was smacked. I was also abused in more physically violent ways. Both did long lasting harm - there's no justification for it.

You need to speak to your partner immediately and if he doesn't stop, you need to consider leaving. Especially as this is becoming more and more criminalised as time goes on, you don't want to be caught in the midst of a crime.

NetballHoop · 22/12/2020 21:18

@june2007 both are violence against a child. Neither is justified. An adult should not be teaching their children that aggression is right.

Jimdandy · 22/12/2020 21:19

I think more people smack than openly admit. It’s just because of how these threads go I think people are to afraid to say.

We do smack in our house but as a last resort. If they’ve been told a million times, sat out, privileges taken away etc, it’s a last resort punishment. There’s a line and if you cross it that’s the consequence. I’ve prepared my flack jacket!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/12/2020 21:19

if my husband slapped me because I'd not used an oven glove for the millionth time no one would think it was ok. But he could slap a child for running into the road? if your husband didn’t let you leave the table until you finished a meal you said you didn’t like it would be called abuse too- can’t compare apples and oranges

catnoir1 · 22/12/2020 21:21

It is never ok to smack a child

ReallySpicyCurry · 22/12/2020 21:21

Yanbu. I'm not one of these ones who think every smack ever equals abusive parenting, but I just think it's pointless, especially in this day and age, when you can find plenty of information about more effective and kinder ways to manage children's behaviour at the touch of a button.

GlowingOrb · 22/12/2020 21:24

Hitting a child is an assault on a vulnerable person and should come with harsher penalties than hitting an adult.