@covidaintacrime
It's simply not a parenting choice that tends to come about as a result of introspection, deep thought, self control and a holistic understanding of parenting.
Yes, exactly. I've never met a person who hits their children that values their children's intentions and personal growth more than they value being seen as an authoritarian figure. It's just an abuse of power - taking out your frustration on those who can't fight back.
Yes to all of this.
Children need to develop their ability to use reason and critical thinking to form their own moral judgments. They deserve the time and patience of adults to help them develop their thinking, and to find their place in social life. Children and people have a strong desire to be accepted, respected and valued. They do not come into this world with the knowledge or skills to know what is and what isn't permitted behaviour but if they are given the right direction they form moral reasoning. This is more important than blindly following rules and conventions. When adults have been brought up to follow blindly rules and conventions they are often those apt to break the rules because they want to. They do not have the reason or rational thinking to even explain themselves. And its these people who lack this ability who don't want to, or simply can't instill critical thinking and reasoning into their children. Its proven by the parent who smacks simply because they can, but can't find the moral justification for it apart from "i can smack you because I have the power to do so" You also have the power not to but choose to anyway.
Covid is a brilliant example of what happens when everyone tries to follow the rules until either those rules infringe upon them to the extent it prevents them doing something they want to, or when the moral reasoning or logic behind the rule is unclear, misunderstood or simply missing. Rather than question it, people just break the rules. They even accept that punishment may happen, so they hide their rule breaking.......criminals do this all the time! they know the law, but choose to break it because they fail to fully assimilate the moral reasoning into their own moral framework. Knowing and understanding are very different things. Knowing something is a poor substitute for understanding.
Bringing up children is difficult. Of course they test boundaries, they do this because they are curious to see the logic behind them, to see whether the boundaries are inconsistent, its like testing a hypothesis. What happens if I do this? Will the result always be the same? and when it isn't, and a void where understanding or explanation should be then I get to make up the rules. Then they repeat the wrong thing over and again because they have never developed the thinking that might lead to better moral judgments.
Children don't need punishment, they need patience and perseverance and parents they fully trust without fear.
I work with traumatised children. It is never necessary for children to be afraid of those they should trust.