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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler drank wine-fuming

314 replies

Nomechange · 06/12/2020 11:57

This morning my dp went out to get milk and I was in the kitchen taking my vitamins with my back to my Dd-2.6 years old. When I turned around she was drinking wine out of a carton. Our picnic basket was on the floor by the bridge and it had been put in there by dp.
Luckily it was hopefully only a sip and two hours later after careful observation, she seems fine.
Aibu to be completely pissed off with my dp for leaving it there? He’s now upset with me and says accidents happen and he wouldn’t be angry with me. I was full of anxiety this morning after it happened and was really upset about it.
He says he put it there to ‘Hide it’ as I go on about his drinking, sick of the bs, just wish he’d grow up like we all have to when we become parents, surely?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nomechange · 06/12/2020 11:58

*By the fridge

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 06/12/2020 12:00

I wouldn’t be pissed off if this happened in my house but the fact that your DH was hiding the wine because you “go on about his drinking” suggests that something else is going on

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 06/12/2020 12:01

Sounds like an accident. I wouldn't be going mad but might suggest alcohol is kept out if reach in future. Is there a bigger backstory about his drinking? I'd say that's driving your major reaction. A bit of drink won't do any real harm, though if course we never give it to them and try to avoid they getting it accidentally.

lljkk · 06/12/2020 12:01

agree with PP, you may be missing the actual problem.

Original poster
Nomechange · 06/12/2020 12:02

@Hoppinggreen When I Googled it, it said babies/toddlers can go into a coma and even a small amount of alcohol can affect them, my anxiety went through the roof.
He knows I don’t like him drinking several times a week, he drinks in the bathroom while listening to music, why can’t he just drink a glass of wine at the weekend like normal people. I’m sick of the constant bs to be fair, it’s like being with a child.

OP posts:
riotlady · 06/12/2020 12:02

Hmmmm, I would say YABU if he had left it there accidentally (We all make mistakes as parents) but the fact that he is purposefully hiding alcohol to hide his drinking is very worrying imo. That sounds like a drinking problem and I would be very concerned

Splann · 06/12/2020 12:03

The actual event was just an accident. I’m sure there has been no harm done. However as @Hoppinggreen says it sounds like there are bigger underlying problems with his drinking. Please believe me anyone who hides alcohol to drink it in secret has a big problem with alcohol.

Lockheart · 06/12/2020 12:04

The toddler will be fine and you're overreacting on that score.

On your husband hiding his drinking, not so much.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 06/12/2020 12:05

How much does he drink? I know lots of people who have 1 or 2 glasses of wine, or beers few times a week and it's not a problem.

It sound slike an accident. I think most of us drunk some alcohol at that age by accident. My brother did at 3 at a party and mum turned away from her glass.

Hoppinggreen · 06/12/2020 12:06

Still think there’s something else going on.
Either he’s got an alcohol problem or you are being controlling with him over alcohol for another reason.
I’m glad your toddler is ok, obviously they shouldn’t have alcohol but I doubt a few sips would result in a coma. You say your Anxiety went through the roof - do you suffer from Anxiety generally?

SionnachRua · 06/12/2020 12:06

The toddler drinking was an accident, accidents happen and the kid was fine. However I'd be worried about his drinking habits as that sounds like a serious problem.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 06/12/2020 12:07

He’s sits in the bathroom drinking Hmm how bizarre
And hides open alcohol around the house
All very strange - just ask him to keep it out of reach I do think your reaction was unreasonable

SimonJT · 06/12/2020 12:07

The toddler will be fine, if you were genuinely worried about her health you would have gone to a&e.

I didn’t know you could get wine in a carton, how did she manage to open it?

mrscatmad31 · 06/12/2020 12:09

My mum used to hide wine around the house, she was an alcoholic.. I agree I think his drinking is the bigger problem, the toddler will be fine

CookieMumsters · 06/12/2020 12:10

why can’t he just drink a glass of wine at the weekend like normal people.

I don't know many people who only have a glass at the weekend so its hard to say of your expectations are unreasonable or if DP drinks too much.

doadeer · 06/12/2020 12:11

I'm sure she didn't drink a lot it's such a strong taste! How did she open it?

Is your husband hiding it because you hate him having a drink or does he have a drink problem? Would someone who was a heavy drinker have a carton of wine? I've never even seen that!

Popgoesthebubble · 06/12/2020 12:15

So you mean he sits on the toilet with a can of lager or is he taking a glass of wine to the bath to drink whilst listening to rmusic? They are very different ways of drinking in the bathroom.

Lots of kids accidentally drink alcohol at that age. It was only a few sips, she'll be fine.

RizzleDrizzle · 06/12/2020 12:16

See I absolutely agree with people saying husband hiding the drinking is a problem, but also think there might be an issue with OP as much as the husband here.

As in I’m not sure we’re talking about the husband hiding that he’s drinking excessively, I think he’s hiding his drinking because OP thinks it’s only ok to drink at weekends, and she’s fed up of him drinking several times week. Also he’s been forced to hide his drinking.

Bloody hell drinking in the bathroom is not normal, but given that OP says this “ He knows I don’t like him drinking several times a week, he drinks in the bathroom while listening to music, why can’t he just drink a glass of wine at the weekend like normal people” I wonder if he has a choice!

Op there’s nothing unusual about drinking several times a week, even having a glass of wine every night with dinner, in fact that’s probably better for you than just drinking over the weekend. Many European countries drink every single night.

Now if your going to come back to me and say he’s drinking a bottle a night on his own and that’s what you object to yes your husband has a problem if however your screwing him up over a glass or two a few times a week then the problem is more in-house side than his.

But absolutely the worry is he’s hiding the drinking at all.

You either need to relax or seek help. Either of you both of you.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 06/12/2020 12:17

@RizzleDrizzle (and some pps before) got it spot on.

Boltonb · 06/12/2020 12:18

I think the fact that your DH has a drinking problem is the issue here.

He shouldn’t have left it within reach, but you should be watching your toddler.

NoPainNoTartine · 06/12/2020 12:22

It's not ideal or recommended obviously, but a sip will be fine.
It's unlikely a toddler would enjoy the taste! But it's a good lesson, make sure wine AND ANYTHING DANGEROUS. is well out of reach.

why can’t he just drink a glass of wine at the weekend like normal people. Normal people can have a glass of wine during the week Confused

Do you mean just enjoying a glass or 2, or getting absolutely hammered. which is not on when you are a parent (and not recommended anyway)

If your poor husband is not allowed to have a glass of wine in his own house, he's the one with a problem poor guy!

Al1langdownthecleghole · 06/12/2020 12:22

What PP have said. A drink in the bath is fine, but hiding alcohol is a worry.

ChristmasWitch · 06/12/2020 12:23

Doesn't read like the DP has a drinking problem to me, it reads like OP thinks he should only have a glass when she thinks it's acceptable - at the weekend - and therefore he has to hide it! None of which sounds like a very healthy relationship. So unless there's a massive backstory of alcoholism, I think it's an overreaction to what was probably no more than a sip of wine.

Namerchanger42 · 06/12/2020 12:24

Your toddler will be fine, I’m pretty sure they would have been revolted by the taste and unable to have more than a mouthful.
The real issue is your husband hiding alcohol and drinking in the bathroom.
He needs to make sure all alcohol is out of reach from now on.

midnightstar66 · 06/12/2020 12:24

It not a big deal that he left the wine there, nor is it necessarily a big deal that he has some through the week. I take wine to the bathroom to have a bath. Not sure if he's in there hiding for you or has gone there for some peace. Whether he's hiding or to deny the drinking or whether it's just for a quiet life so he can have his odd midweek glass without getting hassled for it. It's impossible to tell from your post who is U, but toddlers sometimes get stiff they shouldn't. If that was the only issue then it's just an accident.