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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler drank wine-fuming

314 replies

Nomechange · 06/12/2020 11:57

This morning my dp went out to get milk and I was in the kitchen taking my vitamins with my back to my Dd-2.6 years old. When I turned around she was drinking wine out of a carton. Our picnic basket was on the floor by the bridge and it had been put in there by dp.
Luckily it was hopefully only a sip and two hours later after careful observation, she seems fine.
Aibu to be completely pissed off with my dp for leaving it there? He’s now upset with me and says accidents happen and he wouldn’t be angry with me. I was full of anxiety this morning after it happened and was really upset about it.
He says he put it there to ‘Hide it’ as I go on about his drinking, sick of the bs, just wish he’d grow up like we all have to when we become parents, surely?

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 06/12/2020 12:43

@TheSilentStars

Most people lock bleach in a cupboard or up high!

I don’t watch my 2 year old every second of the day as my house is safe.

I would be upset if my OH left something dangerous in reach of my children

Zilla1 · 06/12/2020 12:43

Frequency of drinking to the limit of not being unhealthy is culturally mediated so impossible to tell if he has a problem or you are controlling. Judging by your post, let's hope you are not fuming when he says you weren't supervising the DC adequately. If one parent reacts badly when something happens, IME, they generally don't welcome the same treatment when their mistake leads to an injury.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 06/12/2020 12:43

Good God what a shit life he's living, the only way he can have a drink of wine in peace is to lock himself in the bathroom.

I don't drink either......and don't particularly like being around drunk people. But that's my issue. You seriously need to get off this guy's back. I can't imagine living like that.

You need to take some responsibility for this because if you could behave like an adult around alcohol being in the house then it could have been put in an agreed place instead.of shoved in a picnic basket.🙄

BritWifeinUSA · 06/12/2020 12:44

YABU to blame only your boyfriend for your child getting her hands on alcohol. She’s your child too and you are equally responsible for watching her to make sure she doesn’t put something, anything, in her mouth that she shouldn’t or touches something she shouldn’t. It’s not just his responsibility.

Coyoacan · 06/12/2020 12:45

It does sound like your dh is an alcoholic, OP.

Merryoldgoat · 06/12/2020 12:45

I don’t think you’re telling the alcohol story accurately.

Your posts suggest that he drinks in the bathroom to hide which is making the controlling klaxon go off.

However it sounds like this is a mad who hides how much he drinks, drinks more than he should at inappropriate times (Saturday mornings) and hides booze.

Mathis says that he has an alcohol problem and that’s what needs addressing.

You can’t make him either. So decide whether you can live with it or not. You can’t change someone else’s behaviour, only yours.

Wtfdoipick · 06/12/2020 12:45

Nomechange how much does he drink a day? When you say weekend morning do you mean more 9am or just starting to drink as an aperitif to a meal?

It's still hard to get a proper picture of just how much he is drinking and whether that is a concern or not

AlternativePerspective · 06/12/2020 12:46

To see your toddler drinking wine and then to Google what it says, sent me into a panic
So instead of taking your child to a&e you went on google to read about comas and things and again, rather than take your child to a&e you sat at home having an anxiety attack presumably waiting for her to fall into a coma before you did something?

Come on this all seems a bit dramatic.

Your child drank some alcohol. if you were genuinely worried about her you would have spoken to a professional.

Crinkle77 · 06/12/2020 12:47

Yes I agree OP. It is odd to sit on the toilet listening to music and drinking. I would wonder what else he's doing in the bathroom. Is he locking the door? Why can't he go in to another room to listen to his music? The fact he's drinking in the morning may indicate he's been up all night.

Original poster
Nomechange · 06/12/2020 12:47

He has it in the toilet mainly as he comes home from work and goes to the toilet, has a cigarette there too, which is also a massive bone of contention. I see it as a problem, it feels like a problem to me. Again I have no issue with alcohol

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 06/12/2020 12:49

@BritWifeinUSA

YABU to blame only your boyfriend for your child getting her hands on alcohol. She’s your child too and you are equally responsible for watching her to make sure she doesn’t put something, anything, in her mouth that she shouldn’t or touches something she shouldn’t. It’s not just his responsibility.
The OP wasn't aware that there was a box of wine hidden in the picnic basket. How can she keep an eye out for dangers that she doesn't know about?
PlanDeRaccordement · 06/12/2020 12:50

It’s all an over-reaction. A single swallow of wine isn’t going to poison a toddler into a coma.

ilovesooty · 06/12/2020 12:50

@CookieMumsters

why can’t he just drink a glass of wine at the weekend like normal people.

I don't know many people who only have a glass at the weekend so its hard to say of your expectations are unreasonable or if DP drinks too much.

I haven't had a drink for the best part of a year because the social activity hasn't presented itself and I don't drink at home, but people can have a drink other than at the weekend without being alcohol dependent. How can you say what's "normal"?
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 06/12/2020 12:50

@BritWifeinUSA

YABU to blame only your boyfriend for your child getting her hands on alcohol. She’s your child too and you are equally responsible for watching her to make sure she doesn’t put something, anything, in her mouth that she shouldn’t or touches something she shouldn’t. It’s not just his responsibility.
It's his responsibility if he leaves things in toddler reach , without OP's knowledge.

She can't anticipate or plan what she doesn't know exists. As far as she knew, the kitchen was safe, all the dangerous items or consumables out of reach. It was safe enough for her to have a drink.

And no, it's not reasonable to expect someone to watch a toddler every single second.

Original poster
Nomechange · 06/12/2020 12:50

The other weekend, we were due to go food shopping, so around 10am and he’d already drunk, I could tell. I’m not sure how much, but surely that’s not normal? We were meant to be food shopping then a family day out.

OP posts:
DartmoorChef · 06/12/2020 12:52

What would happen if he sat on the sofa with a glass of wine or stood at the door having a cigarette?

OverTheRainbow88 · 06/12/2020 12:52

@Nomechange

Well being drunk at 10am is very different to drinking a bit in the eve... maybe he’s got an alcohol problem

DontTouchTheMoustache · 06/12/2020 12:52

I think the key information missing here is how much he is actually getting through? How big are these cartons and how many does he have a week?
Many people drink a glass daily and often that is less than those who binge drink a few bottles of wine at the weekend.
Without knowing how much he is drinking it's hard to know who is being unreasonable because it sounds like an accident and a bit of an overreaction but if he really does have a drinking problem it may be more serious

PlanDeRaccordement · 06/12/2020 12:53

And no, it's not reasonable to expect someone to watch a toddler every single second.

But it is reasonable to expect someone to not turn their back on a toddler for 2 full minutes. That’s 120 seconds of not watching.

Original poster
Nomechange · 06/12/2020 12:53

My reaction to her drinking it perhaps was my anxiety, I admit that. It shocked me and with no previous experience of it and reading up on it, before knowing what to do, I admit I was panicked, yes. If that’s not normal, I’m willing to acknowledge that and perhaps chill out over incidents like that. I’m not sure, it’s just the whole thing with the drinking and smoking is bringing me down now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nomechange · 06/12/2020 12:55

@PlanDeRaccordement I’m not even sure if it was 2 minutes, my god, my Dd was in the kitchen with me playing as normal in a normally safe area as she does every day, whilst I took my vitamins. Just as she would be if I needed to make her breakfast, lunch etc. I definitely don’t feel I’m to blame for her finding wine in a basket on the floor which I had no idea would be there.

OP posts:
RaspberryCoulis · 06/12/2020 12:56

@PlanDeRaccordement

And no, it's not reasonable to expect someone to watch a toddler every single second.

But it is reasonable to expect someone to not turn their back on a toddler for 2 full minutes. That’s 120 seconds of not watching.

Oh dear God don't be ridiculous. Can you run to the bathroom, use the toilet, wash your hands and be back again in 2 minutes? Have a shower?

What if you have TWO toddlers, one eye on each, at all times?

This isn't the OP's fault and she doesn't need to beat herself up that her DD accidentally took a sip of wine, which OP didn't know was there. In the same way that no parent whose child has ever fallen over, or had some other accident in the house needs to beat themselves up either.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 06/12/2020 12:56

@PlanDeRaccordement

And no, it's not reasonable to expect someone to watch a toddler every single second.

But it is reasonable to expect someone to not turn their back on a toddler for 2 full minutes. That’s 120 seconds of not watching.

Oh go away. I didn't watch my toddler for longer than that. Nothing happened. Why? Because there was nothing that could harm her around or accessible. Of course we don't hide wine around the house either.

I've had poos that took longer than 120 seconds. No I didn't drag her in the toilet with me.Hmm

Wtfdoipick · 06/12/2020 12:57

No 10am is not normal, before food shopping and a family day out is not normal but and this is the key point "you" can't control it only he can, if he chooses to drink that is his choice, all you can do is put your own boundaries in place, you are not obliged to stay with someone who behaves in ways you don't want to put up with.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 06/12/2020 12:57

Also people are being utterly ridiculous about you not watching her for 2 minutes ffs. I'm a single parent its physically impossible to watch them all the time trust me.