Toddler drank wine-fuming

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This morning my dp went out to get milk and I was in the kitchen taking my vitamins with my back to my Dd-2.6 years old. When I turned around she was drinking wine out of a carton. Our picnic basket was on the floor by the bridge and it had been put in there by dp.
Luckily it was hopefully only a sip and two hours later after careful observation, she seems fine.
Aibu to be completely pissed off with my dp for leaving it there? He’s now upset with me and says accidents happen and he wouldn’t be angry with me. I was full of anxiety this morning after it happened and was really upset about it.
He says he put it there to ‘Hide it’ as I go on about his drinking, sick of the bs, just wish he’d grow up like we all have to when we become parents, surely?

I can’t tell if your DH has a drinking problem or you are overly critical about him drinking?

How much does he drink? Do you have a very strict attitude to it, or is it excessive?

Re the toddler, I wouldn’t have thought a sip of wine would have any affect at all really.

Jeez it’s an accident - the child had a sip 😂 i doubt it tasted very nice to the child anyway doubt she’d have drank much

Have you never made a mistake?

Unless your DP went out to get milk without telling you, then you were actually the one in charge of a toddler with your back turned to them. If you want to blame anyone for what happened, maybe take a look in the mirror?

From a safety perspective, do you mean those cartons with a tap on?

YABU to blame your dp for the child getting a bit of wine.
You should have been watching your child. You’re really reaching to blame your DP for your child getting into a box of alcohol on your watch when he wasn’t even in the house.

As others have said, cannot tell if your DP has a drinking problem or if you are being overly controlling about alcohol.

I can’t imagine a child drinking more than a toothfull of wine - it’s pretty bleugh to children surely?

I was watching my toddler as I say, I had my back to her for literally 2 minutes as was having my vitamins with water, turned around and she was in the picnic basket which is on the floor by the washing basket etc. Definitely wasn’t foreseeing there would be a box of wine in there.
The box is a screw cap on the wine, we’re in a different country, pretty normal here.
I’m fairly anxious in general, more since covid/lockdown etc, but she’s my only child, it hasn’t happened before and I wasn’t sure how much she’d consumed. She pulled a funny face and I grabbed it off her quickly.
He was hiding it as he knew I’d be pissed off. I’ve no objection to someone drinking a few times a week, it’s the way it’s done, sat on the toilet drinking and listening to music. Obviously it’s also sometimes once we’ve gone to bed. It’s to relax, I get that, but there have been times it’s been on a Saturday morning, surely that’s not right?! 🤷🏻‍♀️
So I don’t think I’m controlling about it? It just seems a weird way of drinking to me, especially on a weekday sometimes when we’re spending time doing family activities. It does piss me off, is that my issue or his?
He and I drinks on the way home from work most days I can tell.
I hate it, all of it.

Crikey - ours used to have a splash of wine at 3/4 hoped u with mineral water on family occasions but they are the same food as the grown ups too - always - and went to bed after 9pm usually. But my upbringing was Continental rather than English.

DH has a beer when he walks in every night and I have a G&T or glass of wine at 6pm during my last hour at the computer - not if I plan on returning to work after.

If DH has a second beer, I have a 2nd G&T. If he doesn't have a 2nd beer we will open a glad of wine with dinner or finish the one from the night before.

We are both normal.

Since the OP phrased it singularly as a glass of wine at a weekend, not a bottle and since he's obviously drinking cartons and not finishing them in one sitting I'd hazard a guess that the only issue the dp has with drinking is that the op just does not approve of drinking at all.

@rottiemum88 I agree, maybe you’ve only got so annoyed with DP to avoid any blame on yourself.

Accidents happen. You can’t watch DC ALL of the time.

You sound very up tight about alcohol. Has it always been like this or is it a recent thing? Impossible to know if he has a problem unless we know how much he’s drinking.

*He also drinks on the way home

Ok so I’m sensing from all of the posts I’m to blame, really doesn’t feel like that.
To see your toddler drinking wine and then to Google what it says, sent me into a panic

Ok with the Saturday morning update - no that’s not so normal.

My mum was very fond of telling the story of me getting hammered on a bottle of sweet martini I “found” in a cupboard - aged around 3. I survived and your lo will too.

The bigger issue is your OHs alcohol problem.

You need to watch a toddler more closely. In 2 minutes it could have been bleach.

Well drinking in the mornings I would say is a bad sign, and why does he sit on the toilet to drink? So he can drink to excess, or because you dissapove? It does sound like he may have a problem- can you discuss getting help with him in an open way?

Agree that the OP's reaction to a toddler accidentally sipping alcohol is way OTT. It happens, it wasn't deliberate, the child is fine.

As for the other stuff about her DH's drinking being normal or otherwise - well none of us can judge. If the bloke likes a car of beer every night and is fed up with his wife constantly commenting on it and disapproving, making comments on what "normal people" do, then I can totally understand him retreating to the bathroom or waiting until she's gone to bed.

But I don't think we're going to get to the bottom of whether he has a real problem with booze, as OP's puritanical attitudes on appropriate drinking is seriously colouring her judgement.

That wine out of a carton sounds like some classy stuff.

If he’s drinking on a Saturday morning then no, that’s not normal. But in truth only he can decide to stop drinking. Does his drinking impact on his life? Or is it just that you have a problem with it?

I don’t think anyone is saying you are to blame. The consensus is that accidents happen, your toddler will be fine. But that there is another issue relating to your DP’s drinking. I really don’t think it is usual for someone to sit on the toilet listening to music and drinking! And the drinking and driving is worrying.

I’m really surprised, I have no issue at all with alcohol, before Dd I’d have a bottle or two at weekends, these days it makes me feel crappy.
I do think it’s odd to drink several cartons of wine a week sat on a toilet and even some weekend mornings? 🤷🏻‍♀️Plus stopping off on the way home. Believe me I’m not uptight, I was a teen in Manchester in the 90’s I’ve done a lot, I just don’t see this as healthy.
Yesterday she went to grab his cigarettes left on the table, I’m just sick of it all.

I don’t think you sound uptight. It’s fair enough to expect your partner not to hide alcohol somewhere accessible by your DD, when you didn’t know it was there.

So what’s the plan? You have to go on hyper-vigilant mode “watching your toddler” when she should be in her safe space, at home? While your DH just takes no responsibility? Fuck that.

@TheSilentStars

You need to watch a toddler more closely. In 2 minutes it could have been bleach.

well ,yes, but maybe the OP has ensure that bleach etc.. ARE out of reach.

You physically cannot watch a toddler every second of the day. It's simply not happening. You need to remove dangerous items and products, and lock the front door.

Toddlers wander around, get up early and escape from their bedroom, parents needs the loo or a shower... and generally have a life and things to do. The worst thing you can do is planning on watching your toddler non-stop, recipe for disaster.

I don't mean you don't, but realistically, you won't have their eyes on them or lock them in a room every second of the day.

Well, you cannot turn your back on a 2yr old for 2 minutes. That’s more than enough time for them to get into serious trouble. So lesson learned for you.

On the drinking, how he drinks secretively indicates to me that you get pissed off at any/all drinking he does. If he’s not drinking to excess, it shouldn’t matter to you how or when he drinks alcohol.

Why does he sit on the toilet OP?

By the sounds of things your relationship isn’t in great shape, have you discussed all this together?

The toddler and wine is an accident, it happens. I remember as children we'd go round emptying all the glasses left around at parties/gatherings.

The real issue here is your husband's drinking. I'd suggest you start a new thread in relationships about just his drinking ..how much,drinking habits etc.
Whether it's him or you, it's obvious it's a massive issue in your relationship and you're both miserable because of it.

@TheSilentStars That’s the whole point, the bleach etc I have up high on a shelf, all is safe in the kitchen, particularly when she’s with me. I didn’t account for a box of wine hidden in a picnic basket!