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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do? Teachers advise 🙏 please

586 replies

Whatwouldyoydo · 26/11/2020 17:20

My 16 yr old dd has just called me in tears.
Currently in 6th form and has been having issues with a male teacher, quite young tries to be funny but often misses the mark.
Several time he’s made wtf comments etc
Today he announced loudly that ‘ Claire wears short skirts to attract the boys” and when no one responded as they were quite shocked he said it again louder.
Dd was so upset she left the room for the toilet and her friend brought her the bag as class was ending.
Dd feels shamed. Fwiw dd dresses totally appropriately. (Dds name is not really Claire)

Dd said she’s complained to another teacher at school about it. Apparently the teacher in question was very anxious when dd didn’t return to class and probably realised he’s overstepped and was asking the girls to txt dd.
What would you do? Leave it for dd to manage the follow up or step up and intervene.

OP posts:
chickenshedinthesky · 26/11/2020 17:25

It's completely inappropriate, and it sounds like it's not the first time. I would be making a list of the times he's made comments like that, with dates and as close a quote as your daughter can remember, and requesting a phone call with someone at school. If the Head of Year is proactive, call them first. If not, go higher.

You will need to say that your daughter has reported these comments, they have made her feel uncomfortable and you would like it to be investigated. You may be asked to make a formal complaint, and should follow the school's policy on how to do this.

If you follow those steps and you're still not happy it's been dealt with, contact the Chair of Governors.

Maireas · 26/11/2020 17:26

I think you'll find it's grounds for disciplinary measures against him. If it's true, you'll have to contact the headteacher.

Pinkflipflop85 · 26/11/2020 17:27

I would be raising this issue with the school. At best, it's a naive and foolish teacher. At worst its a massive safeguarding issue.

Maireas · 26/11/2020 17:28

There's no "best*, pinkflipflop. If he's done this it's very serious.

NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom · 26/11/2020 17:29

Email the school with your concerns. That's a safeguarding issue in my eye (teacher). Inform them of what's happened and ask how they are going to deal with it. That is a totally inappropriate thing for an adult to say to a child.

HailFairy · 26/11/2020 17:29

I would be talking to a head of year / head of sixth form about this.

With a factual list of comments & dates, an explanation of how uncomfortable it has made your dd and a request that it is sorted out. What do you want to happen? It is clearly inappropriate...I’m wondering if it’s just a new teacher who hasn’t got the boundaries right (& therefore a quiet word from line management could sort it out) or if it’s something that needs more significant action. Definitely make the school aware though. It’s inappropriate and your dd shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in this way.

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 26/11/2020 17:30

Dd called us crying from the station, it’s fair to say she feels very humiliated.
Like most 16yr olds her self esteem is up and down and her confidence is definitely affected. It was heartbreaking listening to her asking her father and I if her skirt was too short today and blaming herself.Sad

OP posts:
HailFairy · 26/11/2020 17:30

And when I say ‘just a new teacher’ I’m not minimising. What he’s doing is inappropriate and he should know better. However teaching is very much learn on the job and people do make mistakes and can learn. School definitely needs to know though so they can determine if it’s that or more than that.

QueenofLouisiana · 26/11/2020 17:33

It’s another “nope, not ok” from me (20 years in the classroom). Contact head of sixth form or head of the department, if that doesn’t seem to get a response, phone the head.

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 26/11/2020 17:33

@HailFairy

I would be talking to a head of year / head of sixth form about this.

With a factual list of comments & dates, an explanation of how uncomfortable it has made your dd and a request that it is sorted out. What do you want to happen? It is clearly inappropriate...I’m wondering if it’s just a new teacher who hasn’t got the boundaries right (& therefore a quiet word from line management could sort it out) or if it’s something that needs more significant action. Definitely make the school aware though. It’s inappropriate and your dd shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in this way.

This is it really.

What do I want to happen. Well I don’t want to smash a nut with a hammer. Is he a new teacher? Am I an apologist for even asking that question?

We’ve written up a letter of complaint and we’re going to sit on it while we reflect and read your responses.

OP posts:
Maireas · 26/11/2020 17:37

New or not, he will have had safeguarding training. He's in deep deep trouble.

poshme · 26/11/2020 17:37

It's totally inappropriate.

I would be calling school tomorrow and asking to speak to senior management. It's safeguarding. Teachers should not be making comments like that about students.

Not ever.

steppemum · 26/11/2020 17:40

Contact school. Explain situation, explain distress caused to dd.

make sure you speak to someone in authority eg head of sixth form
as pp said, keep it factual, and co-operative, you want to work with the school not against.

Think about your end goal. What would a good conclusion be? School says he has undergone further training, dd moved classes, apology from teacher? I'm not sure I even know what a good end point is, but it is helpful to work out what you and dd want, and ask the school for this directly.

dd may want to minimise due to embarrassment. That is really hard, but I wouldn't let it drop, as it needs ot be stopped.

Whyarewehardofthinking · 26/11/2020 17:40

Please Cal first thing and ask to speak to the head. It is a safeguarding issue about a member of staff so it needs to be the head.

It isn't a case of 'might be a new teacher', it is a case that he needs to be investigated. I say this as a DSL.

Gensola · 26/11/2020 17:41

I was a teacher then head of dept and assistant head for ten years before moving into another career last October. This needs to be dealt with for everyone’s sake - he could end up getting himself sacked or worse if he doesn’t start respecting the boundaries. It could be foolishness/naivety or it could be that he isn’t appropriate to be working with children but only his line manager will know this when they can put your account in context with anything else that may have happened. Definitely inform the school.

Whataroyalannoyance · 26/11/2020 17:41

You call the school and raise a complaint. That is totally inappropritate.

doctorhamster · 26/11/2020 17:41

I would request a phone call from the head (I doubt they will see you in person at the moment). The head should take it very seriously. If you feel you don't get a satisfactory response from the head, ask the office for a copy of the complaints procedure and follow it.

RickJames · 26/11/2020 17:42

Absolutely wrong, and if he's recently qualified he should still have his training ringing in his ears.

I like clothes and have some really 'dressy' long time students - I'll sometimes compliment their outfit or accessories because they seem to like to tell me about them! I never mention bodies or haircuts or anything personal. Negative comments or relationships are absolutely off limits. It's pointless to upset your students - they'll hate you and so will the other students. Absolutely report it.

steppemum · 26/11/2020 17:42

Also, check timetable with dd, when does she next have a lesson with this person?
If tomorrow, I think I would be saying to school that she will work in library etc for that lesson until sorted.

You have to be pretty stupid as a new teacher to not know this is inapproriate.

Thingsdogetbetter · 26/11/2020 17:44

Teacher here. Completely inappropriate. He will have lots of training on issues like this! Lots! He has chosen to ignore his training. This is not naivety. Either he's trying to be 'cool' and hasn't learnt that he needs to have boundaries as a teacher (to protect himself), or he's a creep (and students need protecting).

Complain.

Maireas · 26/11/2020 17:44

Career suicide on his part.

ChloeDecker · 26/11/2020 17:44

Your poor DD, OP. Yes, send your letter of complaint. This needs to be dealt with.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 26/11/2020 17:46

Woah that is hugely inappropriate! Are you going to call them or send the letter? Either way I would do it ASAP. Your poor DD, I hope she's okay Flowers

OverTheRainbow88 · 26/11/2020 17:51

I would email your DD head of year and the head of subject, keep it factual in what he said. Then explain how it made your DD feel and then ask them to respond with how they are going to deal with the situation.

No excuse at all but I fear a lot of NQTs this year missed 5 months of teaching placements in some cases and some may have slipped through the net and qualified where they shouldn’t have/missed major training. Saying that, totally inappropriate and I would raise is ASAP.

RueDeWakening · 26/11/2020 17:53

TA here, that's a safeguarding concern and I would definitely raise it with whoever the designated safeguarding lead for the school is (it should say on their website), and if not them, then the headteacher.