What would you do? Teachers advise 🙏 please

[Whatwouldyoydo]

My 16 yr old dd has just called me in tears.
Currently in 6th form and has been having issues with a male teacher, quite young tries to be funny but often misses the mark.
Several time he’s made wtf comments etc
Today he announced loudly that ‘ Claire wears short skirts to attract the boys” and when no one responded as they were quite shocked he said it again louder.
Dd was so upset she left the room for the toilet and her friend brought her the bag as class was ending.
Dd feels shamed. Fwiw dd dresses totally appropriately. (Dds name is not really Claire)

Dd said she’s complained to another teacher at school about it. Apparently the teacher in question was very anxious when dd didn’t return to class and probably realised he’s overstepped and was asking the girls to txt dd.
What would you do? Leave it for dd to manage the follow up or step up and intervene.

I can't understand what possessed him. Madness.

YOU, her parent, should immediately contact the head teacher of the school and make a formal complaint naming that teacher and exactly what he said. DD should make a list of anybody else who heard it.

That is totally unprofessional sexual harassment of a pupil, appalling

What do I want to happen. Well I don’t want to smash a nut with a hammer. Is he a new teacher? Am I an apologist for even asking that question?

You aren't an apologist. It's not unreasonable to feel empathy for someone who (hopefully) fucked up big style in an attempt to use humour to build relationships and to understand that inexperienced teachers are more likely to make that kind of mistake.

That said, your first priority is to signal to your DD that she has every right to be treated with dignity and respect. You also need to teach her that we only have those rights we can defend- it's not OK to just let things like this slide or deal with them the 'easy' way; though you need to listen to her about the outcome she wants.

I don't think he's going to lose his job (unless this has happened before)- particularly if you are nuanced in your discussions with school and if his managers are decent people. I do think he's going to get an absolute (formal) pasting and be watched carefully. That's what should happen, not least because there is always a chance he wasn't just making a mistake.

As much as you dont want to go in all guns blazing, some people are simply not cut out to be teachers.
This man is influencing and guiding young, impressionable girls and boys. The boys will take their cues from the male role model in the room, in a position of authority. The girls will feel, as your daughter did, that they somehow deserved it because this man is meant to he in charge and responsible, so how can they stand up and tell him he is wrong.

He doesnt sound mature enough to be in charge of these young people, its not even silly banter. It is bordering on sexual harassment. He is using the shaming of a young women's body in order to get a laugh from, lets be honest, the boys in the class.

He needs to go.

You need to report this in writing to the school and flag it as a safeguarding concern.
If he is "just a new teacher/not clear on boundaries" this needs to be addressed with him.
This could be a pattern of inappropriate behaviour that is overlooked over time where comments and worse are never addressed.
Please do not ignore this. Your action could make the difference to protecting your daughter or another child now or in years to come.

People will carry on posting away telling you what to do... but you've already done exactly the right thing. The Headteacher will deal with this. If they aren't a Designated Safeguarding Lead they will make sure that a DSL is informed. If you're emailing the complaint over you could consider ringing the school in the morning to let them know that you've sent an email that needs immediate attention because it raises a safeguarding issue.
I'm not sure why people are saying threaten involving governors, the LA whatever. At this stage why would you do that? Headteachers are generally very good at dealing with issues like this.

@WhereverIGoddamnLike

As much as you dont want to go in all guns blazing, some people are simply not cut out to be teachers. This man is influencing and guiding young, impressionable girls and boys. The boys will take their cues from the male role model in the room, in a position of authority. The girls will feel, as your daughter did, that they somehow deserved it because this man is meant to he in charge and responsible, so how can they stand up and tell him he is wrong.

He doesnt sound mature enough to be in charge of these young people, its not even silly banter. It is bordering on sexual harassment. He is using the shaming of a young women's body in order to get a laugh from, lets be honest, the boys in the class.

He needs to go.

It isn't bordering on sexual harassment. Is IS sexual harassment.

He should have passed his worries on, even I know that. No way should he have asked girls to text her, relinquishing his responsibility.
Is he qualified, this was one of our first lectures, inform a senior of the situation.

Absolutely shocking!! Your poor daughter. You must report.

There's no excuse in being new. If he's new then his training will be recent and fresh in his mind.

Apparently the teacher in question was very anxious when dd didn’t return to class and probably realised he’s overstepped and was asking the girls to txt dd.

What did he do when your DD didn't return? Did he have a pupil just disappear upset and leave it at "will you text her?"

Because that's also not acceptable. Was it the last class of the day?

This is serious. Here's the official government guidance:
www.gov.uk/report-teacher-misconduct
Part 2 of the teachers standards: "Part 2 Personal and Professional Standards"
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/665522/Teachers_standard_information.pdf (bottom right of the document)

for you and more for your daughter. I am so sorry she and her classmates are having to deal with this in what should be a safe space for them.

@Ferrari458

Some people may be posting with advice to go straight to the local authority because they may have experienced some useless management at schools. I agree that the first step is to speak to the school, but if I also understand that sometimes schools hush things up. My own son, when 6 years old, was sexually assaulted in the school toilets and I met with the head teacher about it... the meeting resulted in nothing happening, other than having the primary 7 pupils act as toilet monitors during break times. I had a major uphill battle to have something done. It took 6 months to have the boy removed from the school, and the head teacher fought it all the way and for the while time, she refused to put any safety measures in place. Sometimes schools close ranks. In future, I would still go to the hhead teacher but would have everything ready to move it up a level at the first sign of being ignored.

I can't understand what possessed him. Madness. That is exactly what I was thinking.

Yes, it was the last class and dd was gone for the last 10 minutes in the toilet. Dds friend brought her belongings to the toilet and dd didn’t see the teacher in question.

Sorry ^^ that was for @lyralalala

@WhereverIGoddamnLike

I’m very sorry that happened to your son

He really shouldn't be asking ither pupils to text your daughter on his behalf. Any apologising/ explanation for his comments needs to go through official channels.

He should have done a "student missing" alert. As if his professional misconduct wasn't bad enough.

Definitely take it further. It's totally inappropriate and he needs to get his card marked.

Teacher of 24 years. Please complain to the Head of Department and your daughter's Head of year. Outrageous.

I dont think you should leave it to her. I wish I had told my parents about some of the things that went on when I was in sixth form. Some male teachers got away with so much and as teenagers we didn't feel like it was serious enough to report. My parents would have known and it could have been dealt with properly. It is not ok for your daughter to be made to feel like this. You should email the school. She has shared this with you and so, even if she hasn't said it, she wants your help. I think it might be good for her to see how you deal with it to give her confidence to report this sort of thing if it were to happen in the future to her or someone else

I think this counts as sexual harassment. Certainly totally inappropriate. Go over his head.

That is absolutely awful. I would intervene - it’s great that your daughter spoke to another teacher but she’s young to have to deal with sexual harassment by someone in a position of authority over her without parental support. I would be concerned about the school trying to hush it up if you don’t step in.

Teacher needs retraining and some kind of disciplinary measures.

Your poor DD

I’m an NQT and no NQT I know would ever feel that’s in any way appropriate.

How depressing that it’s 2020 and the length of a female’s skirt is still a thing. What a twat.