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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would you do? Teachers advise 🙏 please

586 replies

Whatwouldyoydo · 26/11/2020 17:20

My 16 yr old dd has just called me in tears.
Currently in 6th form and has been having issues with a male teacher, quite young tries to be funny but often misses the mark.
Several time he’s made wtf comments etc
Today he announced loudly that ‘ Claire wears short skirts to attract the boys” and when no one responded as they were quite shocked he said it again louder.
Dd was so upset she left the room for the toilet and her friend brought her the bag as class was ending.
Dd feels shamed. Fwiw dd dresses totally appropriately. (Dds name is not really Claire)

Dd said she’s complained to another teacher at school about it. Apparently the teacher in question was very anxious when dd didn’t return to class and probably realised he’s overstepped and was asking the girls to txt dd.
What would you do? Leave it for dd to manage the follow up or step up and intervene.

OP posts:
Notthissticky · 26/11/2020 19:23

@Whatwouldyoydo

Thank you everyone.

We’ve put together the complaint, with the inclusion of all your points that I hadn’t picked up on and referencing the DFE teaching standards linked above.

Young people are pretty switched on nowadays and apparently the young men in dds class are horrified and have been outspoken about the teachers inappropriate behaviour towards dd today.

If they see it, why can’t the teacher?

Because he is clearly not suitable to be a teacher/ is an outright creep with dodgy motivations for being in teachingSad
Hamm87 · 26/11/2020 19:25

This reply has been deleted

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Melaniaswig · 26/11/2020 19:27

I don’t think it’s relevant whether he’s a new teacher OP, I would be wondering exactly what his thought process is whilst he’s noticing the length of your daughter’s skirt.

What he said is hugely inappropriate. It’s sounds like he’s perving over her. I would definitely complain officially.

justconcedealready · 26/11/2020 19:28

So glad you're reporting this. It's bad enough that he said what he did.

it's compounded by the fact that he then tried to get the rest of the class 'on side' when he realised he'd royally fucked up. Very concerning.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 26/11/2020 19:28

@Hamm87
Attitudes like yours have no place in 2020. The days of shaming women for what they wear are over. We dont accept it anymore.

Blobson · 26/11/2020 19:30

You're doing the right thing by reporting this incident. He degraded and humiliated your dd and he needs to learn that speaking to females like that is unacceptable. Also by reporting him it is sending a clear message to your dd that she was right to feel uncomfortable by his words and that he was completely unprofessional as a teacher, and inappropriate as a man. And well done to her for removing herself from the situation and making it clear that she was upset by the comment. I hope she feels happier soon.

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 26/11/2020 19:31

So this is exactly what happened....

Boy passes dd a piece of paper.
Teacher - “is that a love letter?”
Dd- no we’re just friends
Teacher- “boys got no chance with you anyway”.
Is it a love letter for boy 2?
Dd- no - we’re just friends.

Teacher- “is that why you wear short skirts and lipstick”?

Silence everyone goes quiet.

Teacher-louder “is that why you wear short skirts and lipstick dd??”

Young people all look uncomfortable.

Teacher- well I’ve got to get my laughs somehow haven’t I??

Dd left the room.

OP posts:
HappyDays10101 · 26/11/2020 19:33

Oh. My. God.

Can’t believe he thinks that is acceptable. So glad you are taking this seriously OP!

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 26/11/2020 19:33

I actually think she was quite brave in leaving the room. That would have shocked him and made him realise he had fucked up.
She could have sat there meekly with her head down, but she took a stand and walked out. Removed herself from a bad situation without getting into an altercation with an idiot man who would probably have gotten nasty in telling her off. Well done to her.

AdventureIsWaiting · 26/11/2020 19:34

I haven't read all the thread, but wanted to say OP, imagine if the teacher was a senior manager and your DD was a staff member and he shouted that across the office.

Something similar happened to me, in that scenario (director made a comment implying that I'd slept with every bloke in the company Envy in front of my entire peer group.). It turned out he was eventually 'asked to leave' and his immediate subordinate sacked; what he'd said to me was only the tip of the iceberg of harassment, including physical harassment and sex discrimination.

This (and other instances) taught me that these men always do it more than once; it's a pattern of behaviour. This bloke isn't a naive young man who doesn't realise what he's doing (he'll have been through university and god knows how much safeguarding training) and some of your DD's male friends are quite rightly disgusted, as any reasonable bloke would be. Don't worry about repercussions for the teacher - sad to say, if it's not you complaining now, it will certainly be some other poor girl's parents in the future.

GeneParmesanPrivateEye · 26/11/2020 19:34

Well, that's even worse (and weirder) .

When you say 'having issues', you say there's been other WTF comments. When you write them all down, it might start to paint a clearer picture, and this might not be able to be brushed aside.

Blobson · 26/11/2020 19:35

Oh my god. I think that's even worse than how you originally described it (and that was bad enough). This is just wrong on so many different levels.

Hamm87 · 26/11/2020 19:36

Not really an attitude more an opinion about the fact kids yes kids skirts are so short you can see underwear and they do it to fit in and attract popularity 🙄 and I find it honestly disturbing that parents let kids go out dressed like that however is ops dd had a knee length or inch above knee which is most uniform policys then he is wrong

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 26/11/2020 19:37

He’s not young - approx 35 with a wife and child, just returned to working at this school after several years abroad.

OP posts:
pointythings · 26/11/2020 19:37

@Hamm87

Could it be the teacher is sick and tired of girls rolling there skirts up going against uniform rules and was just trying to make a point 🤔 maybe not the best way
Yay! An apologist!

You've absolutely done the right thing, OP. It's also extremely poor that your DD got no follow-up after leaving class. My DD sometimes has to leave class suddenly as she has PTSD - loud bangs are one of her triggers, and they happen. She's always followed up and supported.

Original poster
Whatwouldyoydo · 26/11/2020 19:38

There is no uniform @Hamm87

Dd is 16. I do not police her clothes and neither should you.

OP posts:
ThePinkGuitar · 26/11/2020 19:39

Oh no op that’s even worse than it first sounded (and that was bad enough to start with!) definitely done the right thing.

Blobson · 26/11/2020 19:40

@Hamm87

Not really an attitude more an opinion about the fact kids yes kids skirts are so short you can see underwear and they do it to fit in and attract popularity 🙄 and I find it honestly disturbing that parents let kids go out dressed like that however is ops dd had a knee length or inch above knee which is most uniform policys then he is wrong
So you find a short skirt disturbing, but a man in his mid 30s commenting on a 16 year old's skirt, lipstick and love life is acceptable?
WhereverIGoddamnLike · 26/11/2020 19:40

@Hamm87
Then length of a woman's skirt has nothing to do with anything. And no one gets to shame them for it. There is literally no excuse at all for what he said.

nocoolnamesleft · 26/11/2020 19:41

Jesus. The full version is even worse. Definitely right in reporting this.

SnackSizeRaisin · 26/11/2020 19:42

I’m an NQT and no NQT I know would ever feel that’s in any way appropriate.

Exactly because it would never be appropriate in any area of life. I mean you might get away with it in a building site or an abattoir but it would still not be "appropriate" to make a comment like that unless perhaps in a relationship of equals where both people know each other well.

This teacher needs a severe reprimand and to be put on a final warning.

MitziK · 26/11/2020 19:43

@Whatwouldyoydo

He’s not young - approx 35 with a wife and child, just returned to working at this school after several years abroad.
Oh, really?

That could be very relevant. Very relevant.

Derbee · 26/11/2020 19:43

Don’t feel bad about complaining, or worry that he’s a new teacher/feels bad etc.

Best case scenario he loses his job, and finds something else to do that doesn’t involve interacting with teenage girls.

What a dick

Wheresmykimchi · 26/11/2020 19:44

@steppemum

Also, check timetable with dd, when does she next have a lesson with this person? If tomorrow, I think I would be saying to school that she will work in library etc for that lesson until sorted.

You have to be pretty stupid as a new teacher to not know this is inapproriate.

Don't do this. This will escalate the issue as everyone will comment on her not attending .

OP he is well out of line. The comment was appropriate as was the asking kids to text her.

Report this ASAP.

Wheresmykimchi · 26/11/2020 19:45

@Hamm87

Could it be the teacher is sick and tired of girls rolling there skirts up going against uniform rules and was just trying to make a point 🤔 maybe not the best way
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