What would you do? Teachers advise 🙏 please

[Whatwouldyoydo]

My 16 yr old dd has just called me in tears.
Currently in 6th form and has been having issues with a male teacher, quite young tries to be funny but often misses the mark.
Several time he’s made wtf comments etc
Today he announced loudly that ‘ Claire wears short skirts to attract the boys” and when no one responded as they were quite shocked he said it again louder.
Dd was so upset she left the room for the toilet and her friend brought her the bag as class was ending.
Dd feels shamed. Fwiw dd dresses totally appropriately. (Dds name is not really Claire)

Dd said she’s complained to another teacher at school about it. Apparently the teacher in question was very anxious when dd didn’t return to class and probably realised he’s overstepped and was asking the girls to txt dd.
What would you do? Leave it for dd to manage the follow up or step up and intervene.

Vile comments for a teacher to make. Or anyone to make. I wouldn't care a jot if he's "new". Any decent adult knows how inappropriate this is and he should be acutely aware as I assume he's had more training than most. Hopefully they'll discipline him for it. If it were my daughter there's no way I'd let this lie.

Having read the latest update, he sounds like a right old pervert. Maybe a good learning experience for your daughter as unfortunately every woman needs to learn that many men are like this but that it is not acceptable. It's good that she has the support of classmates.

@Hamm87

Not really an attitude more an opinion about the fact kids yes kids skirts are so short you can see underwear and they do it to fit in and attract popularity 🙄 and I find it honestly disturbing that parents let kids go out dressed like that however is ops dd had a knee length or inch above knee which is most uniform policys then he is wrong

It's considerably more disturbing that an adult man, a teacher, linked what a 16-year-old girl in his class wears to attracting male attention.

There are ways for teachers to deal with kids breaking uniform rules if that's the case. Sexist remarks, humiliating them and not bothering to flag up that they've disappeared from your class upset has never featured in the uniform policy in any school I've ever worked in.

He's wrong no matter what the OP's DD was wearing.

What a shit! Your poor DD, OP. This has made me livid! Absolutely awful to make your DD feel it could be her fault simply for what she wears. As was said earlier, those days are long gone. I hope your DD is ok.

@Whatwouldyoydo

So this is exactly what happened....

Boy passes dd a piece of paper.
Teacher - “is that a love letter?”
Dd- no we’re just friends
Teacher- “boys got no chance with you anyway”.
Is it a love letter for boy 2?
Dd- no - we’re just friends.

Teacher- “is that why you wear short skirts and lipstick”?

Silence everyone goes quiet.

Teacher-louder “is that why you wear short skirts and lipstick dd??”

Young people all look uncomfortable.

Teacher- well I’ve got to get my laughs somehow haven’t I??

Dd left the room.

That's even worse than it originally sounded. It's deliberately humiliating

Also when you speak to the school please flag up that he didn't report her leaving upset, and not returning. That's a major issue.

Strange coincidence - the last two teachers that have been dismissed at my school were both men that had been working abroad. Thailand and Brunei.

@Hamm87

Could it be the teacher is sick and tired of girls rolling there skirts up going against uniform rules and was just trying to make a point 🤔 maybe not the best way

This is sixth form, so presumably no uniform. Even if he was fed up of it, he shouldn't have commented on it, and certainly not in the way he did. I don't know a single male teacher who would comment on rolled up skirts, they ask the female staff. It's just such a minefield.

Ok knew I would get shit just read update so no uniform still she is a child and not a hope in hell would I ever let a dd out in a mini skirt also they hmshoukd not be passing notes in class but yay to another witch hunt as you dd got upset she got caught out and called out he did take it too far just calling them out on the note would be enough

@Hamm87

Ok knew I would get shit just read update so no uniform still she is a child and not a hope in hell would I ever let a dd out in a mini skirt also they hmshoukd not be passing notes in class but yay to another witch hunt as you dd got upset she got caught out and called out he did take it too far just calling them out on the note would be enough

The girl got upset because her teacher humiliated her with sexist comments in front of the class.

He also hasn't bothered his arse to report that a kid in his class left upset and never returned.

Complaining about that isn't a witch hunt. It's basic parenting and what anyone should do ffs.

@Hamm87

Ok knew I would get shit just read update so no uniform still she is a child and not a hope in hell would I ever let a dd out in a mini skirt also they hmshoukd not be passing notes in class but yay to another witch hunt as you dd got upset she got caught out and called out he did take it too far just calling them out on the note would be enough

Who said the OP daughter was wearing a bloody mini skirt? And what the fuck has wearing a skirt got to do with note passing. He didn’t need to comment on what she was wearing at all. Jesus Christ I feel sorry for your kids being raised by you.

The comment, 'boys got no chance with you' comment is perhaps the most worrying here. As a teacher, I'll be the first to admit I've dropped a few clangers but he's borderline flirting with her. This is exactly how grooming starts.

I'd be phoning the school in the morning and asking to speak to the head of sixth form. Try to keep your account factual and leave it to the school to investigate. I'd probably request DD didn't have said teacher until the investigation had been completed and that appropriate work and support was provided for her.

I've gone from thinking this was crass, stupid and naive & needed to be addressed as a warning for a young and inexperienced teacher to thinking WTAF!?! Your poor DD. His behaviour was appalling and adding the bit about getting his laughs somehow is completely unprofessional. He gets his laughs from trying to humiliate a pupil and making sexually inappropriate comments? I would also be concerned about him asking her friends to text her. What he should have done if he'd gone too far was go immediately to a senior member of staff/DSL, explain what he'd done and offer to apologise to her and to you as her parents.

@Hamm87

What is it that you find so offensive about mini skirts or midi skirts? Knee length is ok, but what is so offensive about anything shorter? What is it about women's legs which is causing you such disgust? Can you actually explain what is wrong with women's bodies that we should hide them?

Hamm87 obviously hasn't been in a school for a looooong time.

Treat yourself to some punctuation, Hamm.

Hamm87 are you on something? This is not calling someone out this was intentionally humiliating someone. 6yo, 16yo or 26yo it makes no difference. No one should be intentionally humiliating anyone!

@Maireas

Strange coincidence - the last two teachers that have been dismissed at my school were both men that had been working abroad. Thailand and Brunei.

And the ones I've encountered, not all had been abroad first (UAE/Dubai was popular, though, in the ones that had) fetched up overseas after dismissal because they can't even get a day supply job in the UK thanks to the obligatory safeguarding checks

Another teacher here and head of faculty too. This definitely needs reporting to the school. Appalling comments for a professional to make to a young person. Also, the fact that he asked her friends to text her is not right. He should have flagged it with reception (or whoever deals with ‘missing pupils’) so that an alert could be put out to make sure she was okay. In my school if a pupil leaves your room and you don’t know where they are, it’s a safeguarding issue until you know they are okay. (Standard practice in all secondary schools and I assume in 6th forms too!).

Interesting, MitziK

And so what if a girls thighs can be seen, anyone remember the boys fashion of jeans around knees showing off their designer pants? Did we all says well they are asking for it?

Having read your update I think he sounds worse. Instead of asking the focus to be on the work and not on note passing he decided to try and be ‘funny’ and ‘matey’ at best with it and he has completely overstepped the mark using humiliation. He humiliated your daughter and also her friend by drawing attention to your daughter’s attractiveness and her friend’s apparent lack of attractiveness by saying he wouldn’t have a chance. It’s good that your daughter had the reaction that she did OP. I could imagine some young vulnerable girls might actually take his comments as a compliment and potentially be groomed by him.

Yep, standard practice MrsR87. Missing student alert goes right up to 6th form.

@Hamm87

Ok knew I would get shit just read update so no uniform still she is a child and not a hope in hell would I ever let a dd out in a mini skirt also they hmshoukd not be passing notes in class but yay to another witch hunt as you dd got upset she got caught out and called out he did take it too far just calling them out on the note would be enough

Please make sure you tell any DD of yours she shouldn't have been out late at night/ walking home alone/ wearing a skirt/ heels/ lipstick if she gets sexually assaulted, will you? After all, we should be teaching our daughters not to become victims, rather than our sons not to be perpetrators, right? FFS.

On a completely unrelated note: you seem to have no idea of what sixth form education looks like, making your comments sound even more ridiculous (quite the achievement!)

@Hamm87

Ok knew I would get shit just read update so no uniform still she is a child and not a hope in hell would I ever let a dd out in a mini skirt also they hmshoukd not be passing notes in class but yay to another witch hunt as you dd got upset she got caught out and called out he did take it too far just calling them out on the note would be enough

Oh Hamm how nice of you to add victim blaming into the mix as well! Note passing can be addressed with a simple non-sexist, non-creepy comment. This teacher went the whole hog and deserves to pay for it.

I hope you don't have DDs, your attitude towards women, dress and what creepy men say and do leaves much to be desired.

A colleague of mine lost his job for a similarly 'off' comment to a female pupil of the same age. You should mention it to the head.