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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His ex used to "spoil" him

161 replies

Maaanajs · 16/09/2020 19:51

Hello,
I know this is weird as it's made me feel uncomfortable.
My income is quite low (not helped by the coronavirus). I can't buy boyfriend amazing things for his birthday, just nice little thoughtful gifts.
For example, I bought him a new coat and some of his favourite aftershave.

Boyfriend's job is quite average but he "joked" about how his ex spoiled him e.g. gucci and other designers for his birthday and christmas.

I don't know much about his ex tbh, I don't know what she works as but apparantly she could afford them.

Anyway, we've been together 2 years and he was with his ex 4 years for me.

I just feel a bit useless now. I could never afford to just buy something designer on the whim

OP posts:
CiderJolly · 16/09/2020 19:54

Don’t let a stupid comment like that make you feel useless.

You’re a grown up- you know real value isn’t in material things don’t you?

This reflects on him being a nob, not on you.

Clarinsmum · 16/09/2020 19:54

Get rid of him, no man should make you feel useless. Ever.

ConstantlySeekingHappiness · 16/09/2020 19:54

He sounds like a prick.

How much does he spend on your birthday?

Original poster
Maaanajs · 16/09/2020 19:56

The thing is, boyfriend is pretty average with gifts as well, when coronavirus isnt about, he booked nights away which was lovely,
I would usually do the same but coronavirus has made me a bit weary

OP posts:
1FootInTheRave · 16/09/2020 19:56

A coat and aftershave is more than reasonable for a gift imo.

I would be thrilled with that from dh and we have an above average income.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 16/09/2020 19:56

Run run far away cause I’m quite sure he isn’t spoiling you is he? He’s just expecting to be spoilt...

Original poster
Maaanajs · 16/09/2020 19:57

He's never mentioned this in the 2 years we've been together before this incident so I was taken aback

OP posts:
CiderJolly · 16/09/2020 19:57

Say ‘fuck off back to your ex then’.

Job done.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/09/2020 19:59

A new coat and aftershave sounds like a perfectly lovely present. I suppose I could afford Gucci but DH doesn’t get that from me because we’re not flashy.

What amazing gifts has he given you?

DaisyDreaming · 16/09/2020 20:00

Was it just a comment about the past or is he expecting more from you? If it’s the first remember that she is an ex and he has chosen to be with you

Cocacolathanks · 16/09/2020 20:00

Erm... honestly i wouldn’t continue a relationship like that purely because I’ve had enough experience to realise that these little offhand comments often reflect something deeper. I’d find it petty and disrespectful unless he GENUINELY was just joking with you and you were joking back! What was the exact context? Is he always like this? Depends on how your relationship is really.

RabbityMcRabbit · 16/09/2020 20:01

He sounds a bit of an arse tbh OP. Does he have form for comments like this?

Original poster
Maaanajs · 16/09/2020 20:01

I could probably afford a gucci whatever if I really wanted to, in terms of I do have £300-£400 but would I be absolutely stupid to do this with my current income? Absolutely yes.
I have never even bought anything designer for myself, i'm much more high-street (not that there's a problem with designer if you can afford it). I live within my means and always have done

OP posts:
Dozer · 16/09/2020 20:02

Don’t feel negative about yourself, feel negative about him! What a horrible thing for him to say. Insensitive at best, or worse deliberate ‘negging’.

Iloveacurry · 16/09/2020 20:03

A new coat and aftershave sounds just fine! Did he buy you a Gucci item for your birthday?!

Cocomarine · 16/09/2020 20:03

@CiderJolly

Say ‘fuck off back to your ex then’.

Job done.

That about sums it up for me 🤷🏻‍♀️
MsSquiz · 16/09/2020 20:03

I agree with @CiderJolly

If he wants fancy gifts, he should've stayed with his ex!
Who makes their partner feel shit because they don't buy them expensive gifts?!

My DH has millions in the bank, but before we were married my favourite gifts from him were the smaller, cheaper gifts that I had mentioned I loved. For example, one of the first things he bought me was a necklace from Fat Face. It was probably £5, but I'd seen it while shopping with him and said I liked it but didn't get it. The next day, he gave it to me.

Dozer · 16/09/2020 20:05

Grin alright for some, MsSquiz!

Iloveacurry · 16/09/2020 20:06

Out of interest, does he buy himself designer stuff?

PlateTectonics · 16/09/2020 20:06

He needs to learn to accept a present graciously! What a nasty thing to say.

Original poster
Maaanajs · 16/09/2020 20:06

It was said kind of random. He had his presents, did the typical "thank you!" And kiss when someone opens presents. Rest of the day was great. He loved his coat.
Next day we were in the car and speaking and I said his coat looks lovely on him(it's a springy coat so lovely for this quite nice weather). He agreed and then he randomly joked "it's not quite gucci though is it?" (Hence why i mentioned gucci in OP as this was the one he mentioned), i said what and he laughed and said he was joking and just that he remembers his ex would always buy him designer clothing and accessories for his birthday.

I went in a mood and didnt speak to him for a while, I know it was a joke but it was a bit too random?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 16/09/2020 20:06

The subtext here is pretty obvious
Next he'll be saying she gave him a blow job every day

Original poster
Maaanajs · 16/09/2020 20:07

Btw the conversation obviously wasnt as stiff as how it came across in writing Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Maaanajs · 16/09/2020 20:08

Yes he does buy designer stuff regularly but more in the price range of hugo boss

OP posts:
jb2941 · 16/09/2020 20:09

Oh god. Sorry op what a horrible man for him to compare what his ex bought him to what you do (your gifts sound very thoughtful btw). Money and gifts are not everything in life and sometimes the most happy couples don't have a huge amount of money!! I know couples who seem to have it all financially but their relationships don't last.. yet others who don't have a lot but love each other dearly. He sounds materialistic tbh.

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