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Original poster

His ex used to "spoil" him

161 replies

Maaanajs · 16/09/2020 19:51

Hello,
I know this is weird as it's made me feel uncomfortable.
My income is quite low (not helped by the coronavirus). I can't buy boyfriend amazing things for his birthday, just nice little thoughtful gifts.
For example, I bought him a new coat and some of his favourite aftershave.

Boyfriend's job is quite average but he "joked" about how his ex spoiled him e.g. gucci and other designers for his birthday and christmas.

I don't know much about his ex tbh, I don't know what she works as but apparantly she could afford them.

Anyway, we've been together 2 years and he was with his ex 4 years for me.

I just feel a bit useless now. I could never afford to just buy something designer on the whim

OP posts:
Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 16/09/2020 21:09

@MsSquiz

Even if you could afford "Gucci" gifts, it is rude for him to expect it!

I would never say to DH "it's not designer" when he buys me a non designer gift. It's rude and grabby! A gift should never be demanded or expected and should be appreciated.

How much do those cost, anyhow? Fucking unbelievable.
TooManyDogsandChildren · 16/09/2020 21:12

Is this man an adult? Any small, thoughtful gift is perfectly fine for an adult's birthday; in buying the coat you went way beyond that.

He has a really nasty, entitled attitude OP. Personally I would have dumped him there and then for that.

tryingharder92 · 16/09/2020 21:13

@Shoxfordian

The subtext here is pretty obvious Next he'll be saying she gave him a blow job every day
I was thinking this will be next!
burntpinky · 16/09/2020 21:18

Get rid of this idiot. I’m 42 now but I had a boyfriend similar when I was 19. I was besotted. He once told me I’d not spent enough on him at Xmas as he had spent £x (cant remember how much but it was a lot at age 19 and as a student) on a necklace for me. So I went out and spent equivalent (which I didn’t have). Got a necklace but found out it had cost about half what he’d said and he lied.

He became abusive over time - telling me I was a screw up and would never make anything of myself. Making me sleep on the floor in my own room at uni. Lies and abuse got worse and worse and I eventually walked.

A couple of years ago I randomly found out that he had fathered 3 kids with the same woman - one just before I came along and 1 whilst with me and 1 a few years after. I literally had no clue! And he’d also cheated on me with another girl who he then ended up seeing for ages after until she wised up and she had no idea re the kids either!!

lowlandLucky · 16/09/2020 21:19

He will never change.

vampirethriller · 16/09/2020 21:22

That's not a joke. That's testing to see how much shit you'll put up with.

QueSera · 16/09/2020 21:22

OP I'm sorry but this is danger territory. Those comments from him are nasty, nasty, nasty. If you don't feel like this is enough to leave the relationship for, I predict misery in your future, and an eventual breakup after you've wasted years of your life on this nasty twat.

GreyShadow · 16/09/2020 21:24

@CiderJolly

Say ‘fuck off back to your ex then’.

Job done.

Spot on!!!

WiserOlder · 16/09/2020 21:26

Stop ''going quiet on him''.

Just say ''not sure what to think when you tell me your x spoils you. I feel like you might be viewing the well-chosen gifts i put thought in to in monetary value only''.

frumpety · 16/09/2020 21:27

I would have said 'ah how lovely , my Ex used to spoil me too' whilst smiling sweetly.

ChikiTIKI · 16/09/2020 21:27

I think you were very generous to be honest and he is being an arse hole.

SBTLove · 16/09/2020 21:28

"it's not quite gucci though is it?"
My reply would have been “good job I have the receipt though”
ungrateful wanker!

SunshineCake · 16/09/2020 21:29

It wasn't a joke. It was a threat. Get rid. You'd be silly not to.

MitziK · 16/09/2020 21:30

There used to be name for men like that. Ponce.

DP was beside himself when I bought him a brand new pair of shoes in exactly the style he liked the first year we were together. Cost me thirty nine quid - when he'd been buying £2 ones from the charity shop for years. He showed proper gratitude chased me round the kitchen wanting to hug me because he hadn't asked for anything, hadn't expected anything and I had found out his shoe size and the type he liked from just listening to him for six months.

Yours can fuck right off. He's not some international gigolo, he's just a bloke who once had a girlfriend he couldn't be faithful to, despite the presents she bought him.

WellThatsNew · 16/09/2020 21:31

Oh no come on he used to get Gucci he lived the life of luxury bless him. Cut him some slack.

HA joke. He would get fuck all from me. That'd be one to remember the little prick.

CalmdownJanet · 16/09/2020 21:32

I know it was a joke

Only it wasn't really

Dontbeme · 16/09/2020 21:32

"it's not quite gucci though is it?"

Tell him you will buy him gucci like his ex did when you get to fuck his mate, like his ex did.

Honestly I would just move on from this one OP, this will be just the start of the comparisons and your self esteem will be chipped away to nought.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 16/09/2020 21:34

@vampirethriller

That's not a joke. That's testing to see how much shit you'll put up with.
Yep. That's my experience. The comment, when I looked back, was just among some other stuff that was telling about how he was trying to put me in my place. Take a really good long look here because I'm willing to bet there's backstory here and you just haven't twigged until now. Something in your own self went, 'Hey! WTF? Nah!'

My ex tried to talk me out of it all of course, it was a joke, it slipped out, he didn't mean it, couldn't I take a joke, I was overreacting, did I have to be so dramatic, blah blah blah.

So glad I dumped.

BrowncoatWaffles · 16/09/2020 21:34

I bet the ex shopped at TK Maxx...

SpillTheTeaa · 16/09/2020 21:37

It wasn't a joke, he's nasty and manipulative.
You shouldn't feel like you have to shower someone in gifts even if it's a pound. He's materialistic and can't afford it himself so expects to be 'kept'.. just leave OP. He isn't worth it.

As for the coat he better be wearing it like the kid in east to east for that comment.

Chickychickydodah · 16/09/2020 21:41

Do not spend stupid amounts of money on this idiot, if he loves you for you he will be happy with what you get him.

Littleposh · 16/09/2020 21:42

Sounds like manipulation from where I'm sat

CrazyToast · 16/09/2020 21:43

He's a nob

billy1966 · 16/09/2020 21:45

OP,

Glad you realised that this was off, but having read the responses here, I hope you get just how off they were.

Extremely rude and there wasn't anything jokey about them......he meant every word.

2 years too much...

I don't predict a happy future with someone so twattish.

Flowers
babbi · 16/09/2020 21:49

What @CiderJolly said ..

Get rid of him OP ... he’s nasty and manipulative.

You sound lovely and have your head screwed on financially.. don’t change for anyone..

Your gifts sound very generous but he doesn’t deserve them or you .