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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His ex used to "spoil" him

161 replies

Maaanajs · 16/09/2020 19:51

Hello,
I know this is weird as it's made me feel uncomfortable.
My income is quite low (not helped by the coronavirus). I can't buy boyfriend amazing things for his birthday, just nice little thoughtful gifts.
For example, I bought him a new coat and some of his favourite aftershave.

Boyfriend's job is quite average but he "joked" about how his ex spoiled him e.g. gucci and other designers for his birthday and christmas.

I don't know much about his ex tbh, I don't know what she works as but apparantly she could afford them.

Anyway, we've been together 2 years and he was with his ex 4 years for me.

I just feel a bit useless now. I could never afford to just buy something designer on the whim

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 16/09/2020 20:27

'It's not Gucci is it?'

What a horrible thing to say, ungrateful prick.

Bloody hell. You buy the man a coat and he complains that it's not Gucci?

Yes, I agree with pp, I'd be telling him he can fuck off back to his ex then.

Original poster
Maaanajs · 16/09/2020 20:28

Nothing could convince me to buy designer. I'm too precious with money Grin

OP posts:
ThinkingIsAllowed · 16/09/2020 20:29

he sounds horrible. If he wants designer gear, he needs to get a better job so he can afford it, not expect you to buy it. Cheeky sod!

ALLIS0N · 16/09/2020 20:29

Honestly love, take it from an old bird like me who has been married for 22 years. Go find yourself a man who has better things to do than think about where his next fashion accessory is coming from. Get yourself. bloke who is chuffed that you made him a cake, bought a card and made him his favourite dinner and bought him a bar of Toblerone and his favourite beer or wine

This. Your values are not compatible - dump him.

Standrewsschool · 16/09/2020 20:31

Some people are big into birthdays, others are not. Maybe the comment was more about making a big deal about his birthday, rather than the present itself.

XingMing · 16/09/2020 20:32

A gift is about pleasing the person who will open it. It's not about spending more than you can afford to satisfy a grabby greedy git who only values gifts on the basis of what you spent.

CurlsandCurves · 16/09/2020 20:34

@Maaanajs

It was said kind of random. He had his presents, did the typical "thank you!" And kiss when someone opens presents. Rest of the day was great. He loved his coat. Next day we were in the car and speaking and I said his coat looks lovely on him(it's a springy coat so lovely for this quite nice weather). He agreed and then he randomly joked "it's not quite gucci though is it?" (Hence why i mentioned gucci in OP as this was the one he mentioned), i said what and he laughed and said he was joking and just that he remembers his ex would always buy him designer clothing and accessories for his birthday.

I went in a mood and didnt speak to him for a while, I know it was a joke but it was a bit too random?

In response to him saying his ex always bought him designer clothing and accessories for his birthday, I think I would have had to channel my inner Mrs Brown and respond with ‘that’s nice’. Possibly followed by the classic Mumsnet tinkly little laugh.

You’ve shown how much you care with a lovely birthday gift. Which he has pretty much thrown back in your face with his pathetic brand obsessed comments. Get rid.

Havaiana · 16/09/2020 20:34

@Standrewsschool

Some people are big into birthdays, others are not. Maybe the comment was more about making a big deal about his birthday, rather than the present itself.
But OP says he bought her average presents, so why is expecting designer?
Anuta77 · 16/09/2020 20:36

I can't add much to what was said here, except that accept yourself for who you are. You don't have to feel bad that you don't buy designer stuff. If it's the first time and generally, he's a nice thoughtful guy, you could let it go since he apologized several times. You know him more than the posters here, so watch for the insecurities that he might have that might affect your relationship in the future.

BestZebbie · 16/09/2020 20:38

Next year he can have a TKMaxx gift card and go haunt down his own designer gift?

SonjaMorgan · 16/09/2020 20:38

Sounds grim. I would never be with someone who expected designer presents as we would not be financially compatible. Just because I have the money doesn't mean I am wasting it. I would run OP.

TwizzledTurkey · 16/09/2020 20:41

If he wants expensive designer things he should buy them for himself

WokesFromHome · 16/09/2020 20:41

OP, the best birthday present I have ever received from my DH was a pig plug. It was a floating pig, on a chain, with a bath plug. It had £3.99 on the packet. He knows I like baths and he knows I have a thing about cute pigs. Since then he has bought me loads of stuff and I can't tell you what it was. All I know is that he saw this pig and thought I'd love it. I bloody loved that plug and had lots of warm baths with it.

Find someone who makes you feel good and isn't going to waste all your money on designer crap.

bunnyonthemantle · 16/09/2020 20:42

When dating my dh got a funny mug and some chocolates from me for birthday and a small book for Christmas.
Key word is 'ex' here. Buying his affection clearly didn't work. It won't in your case either.

Heffalooomia · 16/09/2020 20:47

sounds a bit 'cocklodger'.....

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 16/09/2020 20:50

@Cocacolathanks

Erm... honestly i wouldn’t continue a relationship like that purely because I’ve had enough experience to realise that these little offhand comments often reflect something deeper. I’d find it petty and disrespectful unless he GENUINELY was just joking with you and you were joking back! What was the exact context? Is he always like this? Depends on how your relationship is really.
This, 100%.

And this, too:
Honestly love, take it from an old bird like me who has been married for 22 years. Go find yourself a man who has better things to do than think about where his next fashion accessory is coming from. Get yourself. bloke who is chuffed that you made him a cake, bought a card and made him his favourite dinner and bought him a bar of Toblerone and his favourite beer or wine

It was a joke? He's about as funny as a bin full of maggots.

'Think it's time you go back to your ex. It appears I can't 'spoil' you in the custom to which you are accustomed. Hadn't realised an adult needed spoilt with designer gifts. My bad. I know better now.'

Nope.

Ellie56 · 16/09/2020 20:53

"it's not quite gucci though is it?"

How rude. Angry. I'd dump him. You can do better than him. You deserve better.

WellThisWentWell · 16/09/2020 20:54

If your boyfriend was a woman, he would be called a goldigger

Scarydinosaurs · 16/09/2020 20:54

He might have said it and immediately regretted it (none of us are perfect).

But that would put me right off someone. What a prickish thing to say.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 16/09/2020 20:55

@SonjaMorgan

Sounds grim. I would never be with someone who expected designer presents as we would not be financially compatible. Just because I have the money doesn't mean I am wasting it. I would run OP.
Yeah, some of us are at the stage where we have money to buy designer, but not for the sake of label. But even before I got to such a stage in life, people who were into this kind of stuff put me off. It's not my thing and personally, I think it's mostly a rip off.
Justaboy · 16/09/2020 21:00

Perhaps it will dawn on you why she is now his ex;?..

MsSquiz · 16/09/2020 21:00

Even if you could afford "Gucci" gifts, it is rude for him to expect it!

I would never say to DH "it's not designer" when he buys me a non designer gift. It's rude and grabby! A gift should never be demanded or expected and should be appreciated.

lottiegarbanzo · 16/09/2020 21:04

A coat and aftershave sounds like a substantial gift, to me!

I'd much rather recieve, and give, a small but thoughtful, personal gift, than a generic 'look how much money I spent' one.

NancyBotwinBloom · 16/09/2020 21:05

He sounds spoilt now like a child

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 16/09/2020 21:08

I had an ex who used to throw out little tidbits like this about his ex's. I thought it was twattish so dumped but looking back it was among a lot of little supposedly random comments that were designed to put me on the back foot and undermine me.

When your spidey senses go off, LISTEN. That's your inner self, the one that knows and loves you best saying, 'Oi! Who the fuck does he think he is saying something like this?!'

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