His ex used to "spoil" him

[Maaanajs]

Hello,
I know this is weird as it's made me feel uncomfortable.
My income is quite low (not helped by the coronavirus). I can't buy boyfriend amazing things for his birthday, just nice little thoughtful gifts.
For example, I bought him a new coat and some of his favourite aftershave.

Boyfriend's job is quite average but he "joked" about how his ex spoiled him e.g. gucci and other designers for his birthday and christmas.

I don't know much about his ex tbh, I don't know what she works as but apparantly she could afford them.

Anyway, we've been together 2 years and he was with his ex 4 years for me.

I just feel a bit useless now. I could never afford to just buy something designer on the whim

[fishonabicycle]

You're unreasonable to feel useless!

[CSIblonde]

You only have his word for that. You are not a Sugar Mommy & your gifts are lovely and appropriate. I'd be getting rid. Materialistic shit is my pet hate. Valuing gifts over what really matters shows he's shallow & parasites off women as his default behaviour. Grim.

[Fluffycloudland77]

Has he still got the Gucci stuff?.

Dh told me a colleague was always buying her dh little presents etc. He soon shut up when she left her dh for another man. The gifts were to distract him from her affair.

[Maaanajs]

I told him that, I got really moody and told him that he knows I am not materialistic in the slightest (my car is like 10 years old, never wear designer, love charity shop shopping and i'm happy that way) and I told him that I feel rubbish now that i"ve bought those gifts and he's comparing them to designer.

He kept apologising and saying he was stupid to say it and how he loves them but it left a sour taste in my mouth

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

Why did he split up with her then? If she spoiled him on his birthday and christmas I'd assume she was a keeper.

Also, what did he buy you for your birthday?

[Maaanajs]

I've never seen him wear gucci tbh, not even a belt but tbh i wouldnt have noticed even if he was, he always is in hugo boss

[AlCalavicci]

He is been a bit of a ass ,
1st
Why is he comparing to to his ex , that is never a nice trait regardless as to what the comparison is .
2nd ,
A gift is juts that , nobody should expect to be spoilt to the extent where it wold put the giver into financial difficulties
3rd
We are all going through a tough time one way or another with
C-19 still looming over us , a lot of us have had to adapt to different incomes / working hrs etc .
4th
You both need to be there to support each other, him belittling your gifts will not do that .

Dont LTB (yet ) talk to him and find out why your gifts are not to his liking .
if all else fails , tell us the most obscure brand name of something cheap and we will start a new thread raving about it , when you buy it you can say look all them wise MNers think its great so it must be

[JoJoSM2]

What a shitty comment to make. I’d discuss it with him. Or just give him a budget and tell him to choose his own gift.

[VivaMiltonKeynes]

@Maaanajs

Hello,
I know this is weird as it's made me feel uncomfortable.
My income is quite low (not helped by the coronavirus). I can't buy boyfriend amazing things for his birthday, just nice little thoughtful gifts.
For example, I bought him a new coat and some of his favourite aftershave.

Boyfriend's job is quite average but he "joked" about how his ex spoiled him e.g. gucci and other designers for his birthday and christmas.

I don't know much about his ex tbh, I don't know what she works as but apparantly she could afford them.

Anyway, we've been together 2 years and he was with his ex 4 years for me.

I just feel a bit useless now. I could never afford to just buy something designer on the whim

For example, I bought him a new coat and some of his favourite aftershave

I think that is more than adequate for a birthday .

She was probably buying stuff with Klarna

[Maaanajs]

Apparantly they split up because they were both argumentative, his family hated her and he started to find other people attractive (they were around 18-22) when they were together), and then after they broke up, she slept with his best friend, and they were on and off for a while

[lachy]

Tell him if he wants Gucci, he can bloody well buy it himself!

It was a really insensitive remark, and to be honest makes him out to be an ungrateful knob. Christmas will be interesting ... buy him a pack of cheap pants, some lynx and tell him to get his priorities straight.

[madcatladyforever]

Maybe he should go back to his ex then. Does he bother spoiling you?

[Ilovechinese]

Haven't read all the comments but he sounds like a right prick! Tell him to go back to his ex then if he had it so good! You'll be better off without someone like that

[Maaanajs]

For my birthday this year he got me a night away in a local hotel (it was lovely), nail varnish, a teddy bear jacket (the fluffy ones) and some of my favourite makeup

I loved them

[Maaanajs]

The coat I got him was around £60 and then his favoirite aftershave was £30 so yes he may have saw 2 gifts and thought "is that it??' But i cant afford more than £100

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Well he was stupid. It was deliberately mean, critical and nasty. Anything else giving you pause for thought? It’s even worse in a way that he said it the day after like he’d been thinking about it. I’d be incredibly be hurt. It’s something that he apologised but damage done.

[WokesFromHome]

Your BF is a massive wanker. She used to buy him Gucci and other designers. Now you are buying him a coat and aftershave.

Jesus, he doesn't half fancy himself doesn't he. Who does he think he is, Joey Essex?

Honestly love, take it from an old bird like me who has been married for 22 years. Go find yourself a man who has better things to do than think about where his next fashion accessory is coming from. Get yourself. bloke who is chuffed that you made him a cake, bought a card and made him his favourite dinner and bought him a bar of Toblerone and his favourite beer or wine.

I'm so glad that my gorgeous DH has never once asked me for designer shit. Who wants to walk around with someone looking like a poodle.

[Bassettgirl]

"It's not Gucci is it?" What a fuckwit. I'd be furious too. Tell him to buy himself some manners.

I don't buy my DH clothes anymore because he is so fussy. He is not materialistic at all just very particular. One year I bought him a black zip up fleece and he took it back and bought himself.... a black zip up fleece. Maybe your DP is a bit on the fussy side too and is hiding it behind stupid and pointless comments which he doesn't mean?

[Fluffycloudland77]

Well he’s fucked Christmas up for himself now hasn’t he?.

[Xiaoxiong]

I know it was a joke

Um - if that's a joke, I'd like to see his nasty judgemental comments. And it wasn't random either. He was telling you that the fact that the coat wasn't brand name meant that the present in his eyes is sub-par and that he is ungrateful and doesn't appreciate either the care you took choosing it or the money you spent on it.

I think his attitude towards money is just too different from yours for your relationship to last. I had a lovely boyfriend once - a really sweet guy that I truly liked a lot - but we had one of those conversations once where we talked about how we would spend a (small) lottery win. I said I would go to dinner at a really wonderful restaurant, and use the rest as a down-payment on a house or invest it for the future. He said he would spend ALL of it on a new sound system in his car, or on a football season ticket because if you have money you should spend it all immediately, treating yourself. I think at that moment I knew we were just incompatible and if we stayed together we'd have years of arguments about money, so regretfully I broke up with him. We're actually still friends nearly 15 years later but looking at where we both are now I know it was the right decision.

[Zilla1]

IMO, thoughtful and tasteful beats designer tat every time though I know not everyone feels the same (they're wrong). Don't feel bad. Do educate your boyfriend when he upsets you until he realises that sentences referencing ex's need to be negative to be grammatically correct. You are much more fun than my ex. You have better taste than my ex. If he references the ex positively, grammar requires that you compare him unfavourably to your ex in terms of sexual performance.

[WildAboutMyPlanet]

Designer stuff sucks. I used to work in a clothing shop. I found out whilst I worked there that the same factory that made our clothes made by, expensive names brand stuff too. It was the same sort of clothing, they just put different labels on it. It is truly a big swizz.

IDH buys Calvin Klein plants and they’re always getting holes. I buy mine with ethics in mind like all my clothes and I have had pants and bras for YEARS. Brand stuff is so ridiculous. Just tell him that it’s up to her to waste her cash on pointless crap but you have more exciting plans for yours!

[MysteriesOfTheOrganism]

A comment like that would have alarm bells ringing for me.

[Maaanajs]

I accidentally shrunk one of his hugo boss tops in the wash the other month I have no idea how that happened as the other tops were fine

[Havaiana]

I told him that, I got really moody and told him that he knows I am not materialistic in the slightest (my car is like 10 years old, never wear designer, love charity shop shopping and i'm happy that way) and I told him that I feel rubbish now that i"ve bought those gifts and he's comparing them to designer.

Well done for pushing back. He was edging you into being the same as his ex. Make a note of his behaviour and file it away in your head.