to be angry about 6th form's "shoulder's must be covered" policy

[randomname7208633]

I'm a dad of 4 (just putting that out there so there's no confusion) and this morning my dd (17) told me that yesterday, which was pretty hot here (not that that should matter,) she was told by a female member of staff that she had to either wear a coat all day or go home because her top had straps which made her shoulders visible.

Nothing else was uncovered and she was in no way indecent, she was just informed that shoulders had to be covered because otherwise (I know you can see this coming) it was "distracting to boys".

Apparently quite a few other girls were given the same warning that day (probably because it was the first really warm day since they'd been back to school and had all dressed according to the weather) and then a school wide announcement was made.

I've checked the uniform policy and there's no mention of it so I've emailed the school asking for clarification.

If this is indeed a policy that's being enforced I think it's ridiculous that female students are being made to dress in ways to suit male students. If a boy is distracted by girl's shoulders then the problem is with the boy! The messages this sends out just make me smh. It's 2020 and girls are having to think about how their clothes might make boys (and by extension, men) react. Argh!!!

The teacher actually said it's distracting for boys?

Yanbu unreasonable about the distracting thing, and do make the point so staff stop saying this. But most dress codes for office or sixth form would probably see bare shoulders as too casual I think.

If that's the schools policy, your daughter should have been wearing clothes that abided by that. She would have been fine in a t-shirt.
Lesson to be learned about picking weather appropriate clothing.

I think it’s fair enough if it’s no spaghetti straps as that’s a fairly standard workplace policy so doesn’t seem unreasonable but not because of it being distracting to boys - that’s just sexist nonsense

Our sixth form have to wear business dress. Strappy tops would not be acceptable.

If the teacher actually said that then get on the phone to school!!!

Only girls not allowed to bare shoulders? Do boys like to look at shoulders these days then? Will it be ankles next?

I've not got a problem with this. The rule can be equally applied to males and females.

If this is indeed a policy that's being enforced I think it's ridiculous that female students are being made to dress in ways to suit male students. If a boy is distracted by girl's shoulders then the problem is with the boy!

These are YOUR words, not the words of the school policy. So, stop the monkey mind antics. You're allowing your rage to run away with your common sense.

They have a dress code. She needs to honour this. This isn't a male vs. female thing. She needs to cover her shoulders. It's school policy. If it's hot, wear short sleeves.
It is what it is. Stop tilting at windows. Don't be THAT parent. Your daughter needs to work her butt off this year. Focus on this.

distracting to boys
If the teacher actually said that it's out of order. But if the policy is that its unprofessional or similar then its probably ok.
As long as the same rules apply to both Male and Female, then fine, who wants to sit in a class with boys in best tops displaying their fairly pits

Yes they need to be clear in their dress code/policy that shoulders must be covered because it is a policy, NOT because it upsets the boys. Are sleeveless tops OK? If so, then she could wear a vest type top, if not then boys can't wear vest tops either.

I love cakes, but if I were to just take them out of shops or people's lunchboxes I would consider that to be my own fault as I couldn't control myself. Same for the boys if they can't concentrate on lessons because of a pair of shoulders.

You are right to question this, misogyny is obviously thriving in your daughter's school.

Hairy not Fairy!!!

Tilting at windows! Oh heavens! That should have read Tilting at Windmills!
Anyway, don't tilt at anything!! You don't need to be in fight mode over this, OP. Sorry to sound strong. Sixth Form is demanding. Try not to get wobbly about the wrong things.

The policy at DD's school (14-18) was shoulders covered and shirts/skirts must be mid thigh minimum. Unless doing sport, leggings must have a top (tunic etc) that reaches the thigh, midriffs must be covered. Same rules for boys.

We didn't have an issue

I complained to our school for a similar thing, not in the school dress policy either and it was for a similar reason... at an all girls school! So it was about the Male teachers. Anyway I complained at length and the policy was dropped, I wasn’t the only one complaining. Sorry but a policy that says a particular bit of skin can’t be shown because it’s ‘distracting’, unless they’re referring to genitals or nipples, is old fashioned nonsense that parents shouldn’t tolerate. Enough of this. Boys wear shorts, nobody cares. Shoulders are not sexual. What they’re doing is sexualising your child. It’s not ok. Don’t tolerate it.

@TheClawww

If that's the schools policy, your daughter should have been wearing clothes that abided by that. She would have been fine in a t-shirt. Lesson to be learned about picking weather appropriate clothing.

I've checked the uniform policy and there's no mention of it You omitted to read a key detail. The school are enforcing bits of a uniform policy which aren't actually written down.

School can have a dress policy that says no bare shoulders. Easy - applies to boys and girls. What they can't do is have it 'because it's distracting to boys'.

I'd get clarification and make sure they aren't saying any sexist crap.

I’m a teacher and our dress code does not allow bare shoulders as it’s not appropriate business dress. I’d be very surprised if the teacher actually said that it was about not distracting the boys. Could this be your daughter (and fellow outraged friends’) spin on it?

Sorry, meant to add, I would not be allowed to wear a strappy top in my place of work because it i.s unprofessional. When I was first working in the 80s we weren't even supposed to wear sleeveless tops - always had a sleeve. We were told it was a place of work, not the beach. They were similarly strict with sandals

Bikingbear What are we like, eh? Let's get a coffee down our necks and try again.

Auto correct has really got me this morning
Vest not Best

What does the 6th form dress code say? For my sons school it says professional business attire so I would expect shoulders to be covered. Giving “it’s distracting to boys” as the reason isn’t on though.

I’m a teacher and our dress code does not allow bare shoulders as it’s not appropriate business dress

During summer, offices all over the UK have women wearing spaghetti strap tops. I’d like to know what sort of places ban it. Large companies like Sky in London don’t have such a policy. Why would a school? They’re just shoulders.

@AnnaMagnani

School can have a dress policy that says no bare shoulders. Easy - applies to boys and girls. What they can't do is have it 'because it's distracting to boys'.

I'd get clarification and make sure they aren't saying any sexist crap.

This!

Also OP you will probably get a few more comments about how pupils at some 6th form that's probably 200 miles from you have to wear suits which is neither relevant nor helpful.

Another "distracting the boys" saga... 🙄
Spaghetti strapped tops are not suitable for school, tell her to wear something different 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree with previous posters. 'Distracting to boys' is a ridiculous comment and YANBU to complain about that, but most school (or office) dress policies don't allow strappy tops and I think that is reasonable. It's too casual.