Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry about 6th form's "shoulder's must be covered" policy

631 replies

randomname7208633 · 15/09/2020 08:45

I'm a dad of 4 (just putting that out there so there's no confusion) and this morning my dd (17) told me that yesterday, which was pretty hot here (not that that should matter,) she was told by a female member of staff that she had to either wear a coat all day or go home because her top had straps which made her shoulders visible.

Nothing else was uncovered and she was in no way indecent, she was just informed that shoulders had to be covered because otherwise (I know you can see this coming) it was "distracting to boys".

Apparently quite a few other girls were given the same warning that day (probably because it was the first really warm day since they'd been back to school and had all dressed according to the weather) and then a school wide announcement was made.

I've checked the uniform policy and there's no mention of it so I've emailed the school asking for clarification.

If this is indeed a policy that's being enforced I think it's ridiculous that female students are being made to dress in ways to suit male students. If a boy is distracted by girl's shoulders then the problem is with the boy! The messages this sends out just make me smh. It's 2020 and girls are having to think about how their clothes might make boys (and by extension, men) react. Argh!!!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
MorrisZapp · 15/09/2020 09:33

Could future threads of this nature put 'distracting the boys' in the title please? Then I can auto hide.

OiSortItOwt · 15/09/2020 09:34

@RingORingORoses

Business attire? Some more successful women in business failed to get that memo!
THIS THREAD SHOULD COME WITH A TRIGGER WARNING. SO MANY BARE SHOULDERS. MY EYES. MY EYESSSSS.
Ariela · 15/09/2020 09:34

I have no problem with 'Shoulders must be covered ' (we don't want to see sweaty armpits)

As opposed to 'Shoulders must be covered ' (it's distracting to boys)

Clymene · 15/09/2020 09:34

[quote emptydreamer]@Clymene
I never said "most". Hmm Just said that it is a stereotype that is dying very fast. Have a stroll in the City during the lunchbreak (outside the lockdown, of course), and you will see a fair share of spaghetti straps and florid colours spilling out of the offices.[/quote]
I work in the city, thanks Smile

Goldenbear · 15/09/2020 09:34

I agree with emptydreamer, I mean probably not Bermuda shorts if you are working for Coutts bank but I don't think it is the majority wearing 90's business attire!

greenteafiend · 15/09/2020 09:35

Schools should NOT be using language like "distracting to boys"--but the policy itself is OK. Most schools these days require office wear for six formers. If there is no office wear requirement, stick to short sleeved shirts and tops in hot weather.

TheOrigBrave · 15/09/2020 09:35

Does no bare shoulders mean sleeveless tops or just strappy vests?

I wear lots of smart sleeveless tops and although I'm not in the office, I think I absolutely look professional. Is the very top of your arm your shoulder?

emptydreamer · 15/09/2020 09:37

I work in the city, thanks
So do I. And I absolutely do wear spaghetti strap tops on a hot day. And knitted sweaters on a cold day. As are my colleagues, and no one died.

walksen · 15/09/2020 09:38

Lots of 6th forms have a business dress uniform code. Boys have to wear shirts so I'm not sure why girls can't just wear blouses.

I don't see why people keep harping on about it being distracting to others as that is not the main reason. What your daughter was wearing would not be acceptable in many offices and sixth forms are preparing pupils for the world of work etc.

In hot weather, it was always female students that pushed the boundaries on uniform. I also sat in a fair few embarrassing lectures from the head about staff dress codes not being followed. These were not due to male staff either.

OiSortItOwt · 15/09/2020 09:38

@SoftChewyFoods

Sounds fine to me, when I'm client facing we're not allowed bare legs or shoulders - tights (they have to be oqaque), t-shirts, trousers all fine though.
But but but why...? What is so bad about a client seeing a bit of your bare leg?

Who are these clients who complain that they had a meeting with someone who's knee or calf was on show?

I have regular 'important' meetings with clients (solicitor) and alright I'm not going to turn up in hot pants no. But I'm not going to hide a bit of my calf showing in my skirt for goodness sake.

Spam88 · 15/09/2020 09:38

I don't know why people don't believe teachers would say things were distracting to boys. As a PGCE student I did a placement in a school where female teachers weren't allowed to show shoulders because the headteacher thought it was too distracting for the boys. As a year 8 pupil, I was told along with the rest of my year group that we must not wear our skirts above the knee because it was distracting for the male teachers and made them uncomfortable.

Also why is everyone assuming OP's DD's sixth form has the same uniform policy as their kids?? Bizarre.

OP, I think you're absolutely right to take this further. It's disgraceful. And I'm really disappointed by a lot of the responses on this thread.

OiSortItOwt · 15/09/2020 09:39

@Ariela

I have no problem with 'Shoulders must be covered ' (we don't want to see sweaty armpits)

As opposed to 'Shoulders must be covered ' (it's distracting to boys)

Why are you looking at people's sweaty armpits?

I actually think it's far more obvious when people wear shoulder (and armpit) covering tops because then you can actually see the sweat patches.

I have never looked at a person in a strappy top and thought omg look at those sweaty armpits.

purpleboy · 15/09/2020 09:40

I'm most sure why everyone is so incapable of reading? Op said there is no policy on it, so why are so many of you banging on about how she should be following policy Confused
Clearly some posters think business dress requires shoulders to be covered and some don't so it isn't a uniformed opinion.
It's absolutely bs that what a person wears has any bearing on their competence or learning ability, and if the boys are distracted then that's up to them to figure out, not the girls to pander to their needs.

OiSortItOwt · 15/09/2020 09:40

I work in the city, thanks

Me too!

Iconical · 15/09/2020 09:40

Most 6th forms that don’t have a inform have business casual. That is not exposed shoulders

LadyofTheManners · 15/09/2020 09:41

That's disgusting. Sorry but since when have shoulders been the new tits?
If they have boys who are distracted by a shoulder and arm then they need to sort out that issue with the boy, not make a girl swelter all day. How bloody ridiculous.
Our rights are being slowly but surely removed. So what's next, a girl with shoulders uncovered is a potential rape victim with no prison for the rapist because he couldn't control himself due to her shoulders? Fucking hell

MillyMollyFarmer · 15/09/2020 09:41

It is not considered business attire

This isn’t true. It’s some places in some circumstances. Plenty of London offices are full of people with their shoulders uncovered.

Why are shoulders so offensive? If it’s really hot it’s way less offensive than sweaty armpits. This is all such old fashioned nonsense.

Shoulders are not sexual. Stop being such boring prudes Jfc

stoneysongs · 15/09/2020 09:41

Spaghetti straps are not suitable for school or the workplace, I Adam surprised her parents didn’t tell her before she left the house.

Luckily the OP's DD doesn't have to abide by irrelevant opinions like this one - only the school uniform policy, which has no rule against bare shoulders.

Definitely query this - if they don't want bare shoulders they should make that clear. And the distracting boys bit is horrific. (As is the suggestion upthread that it's ok to wear a strappy top but only if you have a "boyish build" Hmm)

TheOrigBrave · 15/09/2020 09:42

I don't see why people keep harping on about it being distracting to others as that is not the main reason.

Did you even read the OP? This is his AIBU - his DD has been told her attire is distracting to boys.

OiSortItOwt · 15/09/2020 09:42

I'm going to get my shoulders out later and see if it gets DH in the mood Wink

WildAboutMyPlanet · 15/09/2020 09:42

I hate ‘distracting to boys’ but don’t have an issue with covering their shoulders, a T-shirt is fine. It’s school, not a fashion parade. If the boys are allowed to wear vests then of course that wouldn’t be okay, but if they aren’t then she needs to put a T-shirt on and get on with it.

ExclamationPerfume · 15/09/2020 09:42

This is the policy for our school: Shirt, Blouse or Top – no low cut vests, strappy tops, off the shoulder or T-shirts.

KizzyWayfarer · 15/09/2020 09:43

A ‘no bra straps on display’ rule is fair enough, but not all strappy tops are spaghetti straps. I guess it depends on how formal the dress code is overall. If jeans are not allowed, then banning all strappy tops is at least consistent (although a summer dress or top that is sleeveless rather than strappy should be allowed really). If jeans are allowed then they are obviously not that hung up on formality in reality.
And as others have said, enforcing formal business dress code for sixth form is just stupid really. They are able to study perfectly well at university in normal clothes.

SerenDippitty · 15/09/2020 09:43

@ScrapThatThen

Yanbu unreasonable about the distracting thing, and do make the point so staff stop saying this. But most dress codes for office or sixth form would probably see bare shoulders as too casual I think.
Agreed. What’s wrong with a sleeveless top or a t shirt?
pjmask · 15/09/2020 09:45

@emptydreamer

I just find it such an antiquated view, and it seems to apply predominantly to women for some reason

Couldn't agree more