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AIBU?

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Original poster

My husband left last week and he thinks his rent will come over our mortgage?

317 replies

Coronasaurus · 03/07/2020 22:44

That basically, I've always been a sahm and he's always paid our joint mortgage. But he's now saying that when he finds a flat, as long as he can pay that nothing else matters 😕, even if it means me losing the house. He says that's ok as the kids can then go live with him! Please help? Can I stay in my home ?

OP posts:
fuckinghellapeacock · 03/07/2020 22:46

I'm so sorry to hear that OP. What an absolute cock. I have no practical advice but wish you well and wise women will come in a minute...

StudyBuddy · 03/07/2020 22:46

Unfortunately, it sounds like your house needs to be sold. You can use your equity to purchase a house or rent a place of your own and he can do the same. If he's paying the mortgage and wants to live with the children then perhaps you should move out and he should remain there instead?

lloe7 · 03/07/2020 22:47

I think if you are both on the mortgage you will have to either buy him out, sell your half to him or sell the house. If you are separated and you are staying in the house, you can't expect him to continue to subsidise you. I wish you all the luck in the world with your separation, it's not an easy thing to go through Daffodil

PersonaNonGarter · 03/07/2020 22:48

He should avoid defaulting on the mortgage as it will be his credit rating too.

Veterinari · 03/07/2020 22:48

Get legal advice.

Point out to him that forcing his children out of their home and making their mother homeless plus defaulting on his mortgage would be unwise both in terms of persuading the courts he's a responsible parent and in terms of his own credit rating.

He's either bluffing or daft.

Milly90 · 03/07/2020 22:50

Hi op

Sadly I have a close family member in a similar situation. Long term sahm and now divorcing

Her ex has been told he must pay child maintenance but not the mortgage

On selling the house the assets will be distributed in a way thats deemed fair for all parties and not necessarily 50-50 eg she may get a larger share of the equity as she has lower earning potential but hes not obliged to pay it on an ongoing basis

Thisisworsethananticpated · 03/07/2020 22:51

He’s talking shit

But you do need to ready yourself to sell the house and find a job fairly soon

I strongly advise you get some family law books and do some reading

If he is going to be like this , you need to be strong for the unpleasant divorce

I’m sorry OP , hardest of time’s Flowers

Ulrikaka · 03/07/2020 22:51

Unfortunately, if there is not enough money in the pot to cover a place for him, the place you currently have and all the outgoings on both properties, your options would be to pay the mortgage and other expenses yourself by getting a job or selling the house. Unless he earns a lot of money, it is often impossible to cover 2 households on one salary.

Chickychoccyegg · 03/07/2020 22:53

this isn't good, and he doesn't sound very nice, but you need to sell the house /buy him out/sell your share to him , he won't subsidise you, so you need to claim cms, and any benefits you may be entitled too, as you're now a single parent , hopefully you can come to a reasonable agreement while you get everything in place

Love51 · 03/07/2020 22:53

Do you have an online account so you can see if the mortgage has been paid? When you suspect he won't pay, contact your lender and explain the situation. Can you afford any payments yourself? And get the house on the market asap. Take control of that decision, don't let him decide for you. If you can't afford to live there, and he can't afford to pay for 2 homes, you are going to have to downsize. Feel for you as this is not the easiest time to re-enter the job market.

bestbrowsintown · 03/07/2020 22:55

If he can't afford to pay rent and the mortgage then what can he do?
It sounds like he's being a bit of a dick with regards to saying it's ok if you lose the house etc. But if there isn't enough money then it simply can't be paid for.

If you can't afford to buy him out then the house will need to be sold or he buys you out and you use the equity to buy or rent something else.

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 03/07/2020 22:57

How old are the children and what is your plan?

Scoobydoobydo · 03/07/2020 23:01

Knee jerk reaction, but of course a lot of his reactions depend on his reason for leaving

ReiltinDubh · 03/07/2020 23:02

Op ask to get this moved to Relationships, you'll get plenty of practical advice there. Flowers

Fedup21 · 03/07/2020 23:02

He doesn’t sound like he’s being very nice but if he can’t pay his living costs and yours, the house will have to be sold and you’ll need to get a job. You can’t stay as a SAHM on your own-you need an income.

m0therofdragons · 03/07/2020 23:02

Have you done a universal credit quote to see what you’re entitled to?
My friend’s husband tried this and she gets £1800 uc, £700 from her part time job, £192 child benefit. She has been pleasantly surprised and he’s furious she’s coping without him.

Zilla1 · 03/07/2020 23:05

I think you need to ge good legal and financial advice, OP, though I'm sure you'll get good advice from other posters soon. You might need to say which jurisdiction you live and and check where posters are from so you can check if their advice applies.

Good luck and hope you reach a successful conclusion.

Cherrysoup · 03/07/2020 23:07

Are you both on the mortgage? Are you married? Apply for cms and see a solicitor ASAP.

rwalker · 03/07/2020 23:09

You need to sell the house realisticly can he pay rent bills, mortgage and child support out of 1 wage .

Waveysnail · 03/07/2020 23:09

Well you need to get legal advice. Gear up to look for a job. Make sure you have logins details to monitor the mortgage.

Blackdog19 · 03/07/2020 23:12

What do you expect him to do though? He’s got to pay for two properties on one wage - one would assume that you’d have to sell the bigger one and get two smaller ones- and you’d have to step up and get a job to help pay for it.

Nicknacky · 03/07/2020 23:12

I think you need to be realistic about how far his salary can stretch. Had you planned to go back to work and can you?

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 03/07/2020 23:13

she gets £1800 uc, £700 from her part time job, £192 child benefit. She has been pleasantly surprised Shock im not surprised!!!! Shock

essexmum777 · 03/07/2020 23:14

don't panic op - if he doesn't pay the mortgage and you get evicted that's at least a year away, the council would re-house you and your children if the worst come to it.

so, tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out - and start thinking about if you can get a job so you aren't relying on him financially.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 03/07/2020 23:14

He doesn't have to pay a mortgage for a house he isn't living in. He has to pay child maintenance, of course, but that can be a tiny amount depending how much he earns.

You need legal advice. But as pps have said, what usually happens in this situation is that the house is sold and equity is split, or one party buys the other out. You don't have any 'right' to stay in the house. But he'd be a total shit to make you and his children homeless, but it does happen. Get local advice and get yourself to a good solicitor first thing Monday. Sorry.

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