My husband left last week and he thinks his rent will come over our mortgage?

[Coronasaurus]

That basically, I've always been a sahm and he's always paid our joint mortgage. But he's now saying that when he finds a flat, as long as he can pay that nothing else matters 😕, even if it means me losing the house. He says that's ok as the kids can then go live with him! Please help? Can I stay in my home ?

This is what happened to me. Now ex dh upped and left me over a 2 week period for an ex he’d found on Facebook. Dd aged 5 and I never saw him again (this was years ago now!) I was left with 20k worth of debt, mortgage to pay and he just refused to pay anything at all. I had also just been made redundant. I had to claim tax credits and put the house up for sale and take 2 minimum wage jobs just to keep us going whilst we moved into a tiny shitty place.

12 years on I’m now happily remarried and things are fine but that was a really awful time in my life. You’ll get through it.

@bestbrowsintown op stated the kids were 2 and 7

@m0therofdragons

Have you done a universal credit quote to see what you’re entitled to? My friend’s husband tried this and she gets £1800 uc, £700 from her part time job, £192 child benefit. She has been pleasantly surprised and he’s furious she’s coping without him.

Seriously? Is this right? The UC sounds very generous, more than some salaries?

I must have missed an update overnight. I definitely wouldn't expect a 2year old to be away from their main care giver for half the week and a 7 year old is probably borderline.

Depending on the financial settlement (including equity if house is sold) it may well be a good idea to look into shared ownership. There are limited properties available but if you can get one it's the best way to make use of a lump sum. (Otherwise anything over £16k would disqualify you from claiming UC, as PPs have said.) You can get the housing element of UC towards the rent part.

@MonaLisaDoesntSmile maybe op wanted to keep the children and live with them too
Yes, but she doesn't have a job or a place to live or any way to pay for or financially support her children. I don't really see your point at all. Both parents want to live with the children in the family home - one can afford to pay for the family home and one can't. It doesn't make any sense that the one who can't afford it tries to do it and make the other one pay fully for two homes.

@Babyroobs it's the child benefit for three children not 4!

Op don't take the advice of strangers. Get a decent solicitor now and work out what you can sell to help pay the mortgage.

50/50 might not be best for the children.

@bestbrowintown, living in relative poverty may not be great for them either.

It will have to be part time.

Why? Your children will be at school / able to get 30 free hours and with their dad anything up to 50% of the time. Why on earth does it have to be part time? Plenty of us work full time with children and you cannot afford that luxury.

Op don't take the advice of strangers. Get a decent solicitor now and work out what you can sell to help pay the mortgage.

My irony detector has just broken. The needle shot straight up to the red and then smoke started coming out.

@studybuddy it depends on his wage as to how much he pays in child support. My Aunt had a fantastic cs amount weekly as her Ex was a very successful engineer. Legally, she could stick to keeping the house till the youngest child is 18. He can not just force her into his will.

You should properly but the house up for sale then u can get you half of the equity.

Also you can apply for UC as your husband is not living with you. But you will need to look for a job .

@thedancingbear wow! So you're a qualified solicitor in family law... Thought not.

Op sod any advice on this page. Get a Family law solicitor and get decent legal advice. Don't agree to anything till you have run it past your solicitor.

@Abbazed I understand that but if his child support payments were high enough to cover the mortgage then OP shouldn't be complaining that he won't also pay the mortgage in excess of also paying rent for the place that he's actually living. She should be using those child support payments to pay the mortgage and therefore wouldn't have the whole issue she's created this thread for.

@abbazed, I presume you don't personally know the OP. You told her not to take the advice of strangers (which is itself advice, from a stranger), and then proceeded to provide further advice about her next steps.

I think you are right that the OP should speak to a solicitor. But then that doesn't count, does it, because I'm a stranger?

If people should not listen to strangers on MN then the owners may as well shut it down

Your children need a home and you need legal advice. Being a SAHP to a preschooler, married, and having your name on the mortgage will all work in your favour.

@Veterinari

Get legal advice.

Point out to him that forcing his children out of their home and making their mother homeless plus defaulting on his mortgage would be unwise both in terms of persuading the courts he's a responsible parent and in terms of his own credit rating.

He's either bluffing or daft.

The Courts won't care about this. Harsh but true.

The property needs to be sold with the equity split. You can then buy somewhere else if there's enough, or use it towards a deposit on a rental property.

If you aren't already OP, I'd suggest looking for work as soon as possible.

There is no rule that says simply “that who keeps the kids, keeps the house”.

Obviously, ideally the kids main carer should stay in the house but that is only possible if that person can buy the other out and take over the mortgage. The only way one gets to keep the house (even if only for a time) is if the non resident parent could afford to pay for both houses.

OP you need to get a job pronto. Being a SAHM is not sustainable anymore, long are the days when a lone parent could stay at home to raise their kids on benefits, you will be expected to have a job by the time the young is 3 or leave in a good level of hardship.

@DontStandSoClose

My friend’s husband tried this and she gets £1800 uc, £700 from her part time job, £192 child benefit.

24k in handouts, I think we’ve been doing it all wrong, there I was thinking we needed to work for a living.

Your comment is so judgemental. Not everybody on universal credit uses the system to not work and sit in their arse. Some people simply cannot afford childcare and cannot live without universal credit despite working part time. Especially if they are a single parent. Honestly get off your high horse! It clearly states in the comment that the woman is a single parent working part time, she is trying to keep a roof over her and her childrens head! Comments like your disgust me, god forbid you ever end up in a similar position!

You need to stop caring about the house. You need to focus on a full time job and filling up your pension fund. Your children will be fine. One in school and the other will get 30 hours of nursery.

Sell the house buy a smaller house or put away the left over half of your money into your pension. You need to look long term as unfortunately you have wasted those years at home by not funding your own life.

I know I sound harsh but i feel strongly that women should be aware of looking after themselves financially, they get blindsided by having a big house as though that's the be all and end all. Its really not. I guarantee you'll feel great working and in your own house.

^My friend’s husband tried this and she gets £1800 uc, £700 from her part time job, £192 child benefit.

24k in handouts, I think we’ve been doing it all wrong, there I was thinking we needed to work for a living.^

I tend to agree that this is repellent. Women sticking the boot into single mums. The patriarchy doesn't need any help while attitudes like this persist.

Is selling the house and moving to a cheaper location an option? Do you have to stay where you are for any reason?
£950 is double my mortgage, is it any cheaper to rent? What kind of equity would you be looking at if you sold up? I'm really sorry you are going through this

@thedancingbear You're not allowed to suggest 50/50 on here. This is MUMSnet - fathers are bad for the children, equal access is bad for the children. Also, if OP can work then she might feel that she should work and Mumsnet hates when women feel that they should work.