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AIBU?

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Original poster

My husband left last week and he thinks his rent will come over our mortgage?

317 replies

Coronasaurus · 03/07/2020 22:44

That basically, I've always been a sahm and he's always paid our joint mortgage. But he's now saying that when he finds a flat, as long as he can pay that nothing else matters 😕, even if it means me losing the house. He says that's ok as the kids can then go live with him! Please help? Can I stay in my home ?

OP posts:
DisobedientHamster · 04/07/2020 05:35

Start claim for UC now. Get a solicitor, don't be afraid to sack an unsatisfactory one. No, you won't be able to stay in the home if you cannot pay for it yourself and buy him out. The courts favour clean break, for good reason. But right now you need to get over trying to keep the bloody house. Apply for UC

Original poster
Coronasaurus · 04/07/2020 05:52

Thanks for all the reply's....

I have put in an application for UC, my dc are 2 & 7

OP posts:
Original poster
Coronasaurus · 04/07/2020 05:59

It seems really shit that if I have to sell, the small amount of equity I get will go on a rent more than my mortgage, and he gets to bank his as he can work.

Also, if I do end up having to get help with rent, the council will probably have to pay someone else more in rent than if they paid my own mortgage. Iyswim

OP posts:
Settlersofcatan · 04/07/2020 06:13

It seems really shit that if I have to sell, the small amount of equity I get will go on a rent more than my mortgage, and he gets to bank his as he can work.

Can you not work too? Most women with kids do work

Emeeno1 · 04/07/2020 06:20

I'm sorry that you are going through this, it must be really rough.

Please go and get some legal advice, they often do free 15 minute sessions for family law. I found my solicitor very helpful and surprisingly compassionate.

As a pp poster said each case is different, no one here knows your full circumstances so the advice is moot.

Good luck to you and your children.

moreofaslummythanyummy · 04/07/2020 06:21

"It seems really shit that if I have to sell, the small amount of equity I get will go on a rent more than my mortgage, and he gets to bank his as he can work."

You can work op , UC will most likely help with childcare costs if you start on a low income. Plus you will have maintenance. You will be absolutely fine

k1233 · 04/07/2020 06:21

I think you need to look for a job. If your mortgage is less than rent, then what would enable you to keep the house? Do you sell, use what equity you have and get a more affordable place?

You know what your exH is planning to do, so be proactive and work out what you need to do to get the outcome you want.

Original poster
Coronasaurus · 04/07/2020 06:22

My mortgage is 950, I'll get about 850 uc if I don't get a job, but I want to get a job if I can....that way, if he gives me 100 a week maintenance, plus my wage I may just be able to stay

OP posts:
Original poster
Coronasaurus · 04/07/2020 06:26

It will have to be part time. I've only ever worked in retail, but I hope I'll get help looking for a job. Even if it's only 16 hours a week, it will help! Plus I might even get a social life that way lol , things are looking up already

OP posts:
Toomboom · 04/07/2020 06:31

As a joint mortgage he is equally liable for it. If it doesn't get paid this will effect both your credit ratings, this will make it harder for you both to rent somewhere.

It is all well and good for people to say that you will need to sell the house, but this cannot happen overnight, it could take months.

You are entitled to stay in your home until your youngest is 18, BUT, you have to be able to pay the mortgage. If you can't, then unfortunately the house will have to be sold, though that is a long way down the line.

OP get legal advice as soon as you can. See what UC you are entitled to. I am sorry you are going through this, it must have been a complete shock. Good luck

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/07/2020 06:46

Op why part time? Your 7 year old will be in school and your 2 year old will get the 30 free hours soon at age 3, plus you should be eligible for help with childcare costs.

You really will be much better off long term if you work full time. Remember it is as now as much your job to provide for your children financially as it is your stb ex h, you need to start planning for a long term career supporting yourself, not a few hours to ensure benefit eligibility.

There's a reason mnetters strongly discourage people from being totally reliant on their DH financially, its because you are fucked when this happens.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/07/2020 06:48

Also remember, if your DH gets 50/50 shared care you will get no child maintenance at all.

Boomclaps · 04/07/2020 06:48

If you can go back to work I would look at shared ownership if you’ve got enough equity

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/07/2020 06:56

OP

You also need to try not to focus on the house. Staying in it means depriving your DH of his share of the equity, which seems unlikely. If you are going to stay, you will need to increase the mortgage to buy out his half. As pps have said, these days the courts like a clean break and financial independence, plan on the basis that you will get 50% of the equity in the house.

Sooobooored · 04/07/2020 07:02

Sorry op but this is common in divorce. People might tell you you can stay in the house till the dc are 18 but those days are gone unless you are financially self-sufficient yourself. Spousal maintenance is rare too these days as a clean break is preferred.

My exh left and never paid a penny towards the mortgage, bills or child maintenance (he was working cash in hand so never declared.)

We couldn’t agree on the finances when we divorced so it went to court and the house was ordered to be sold and the equity split.

Everyone’s case is different though so get legal advice ASAP.

Hercules12 · 04/07/2020 07:19

As a pp said this is why women should never give up working and become financially reliant on a man. I'd seen this happen so have always worked full time either earning more or the same as exh. Ive also seen the results of women not paying into a pension so made sure I have.
Lo and behold ex left after 24 years of marriage as had midlife crisis and fortunately financially I'm fine.
Do get a full time job op and take control of your and your dc future. They need a dependable financially stable parent.

Menora · 04/07/2020 07:22

Re benefits you need to bear in mind the local housing allowance which is capped, and people who appear to get a lot more UC that appears to add up to ££££ usually it is because their LHA is high, London has has a high LHA as the rents are high. Out of £1800 a lot of of this could be housing benefit straight for the rent of £1000 in the south east is not unusual.

Also the rules is that there is no cap on the LHA for council and housing association houses. My housing association home is £900pm rent for example.

You need an idea of what the LHA is and local rents if you go to rent after the house is sold. If you get over £16k equity this will affect a lot of claimable benefits.

It’s no good people telling you about their friend who got £1800pm as this includes rent and initially yours would not.

You really do need to get legal advice and it is a good idea to look for work over 16 hours a week as any UC will mean they will make you look for work depending on the ages of your DC too

Standrewsschool · 04/07/2020 07:27

“she gets £1800 uc, £700 from her part time job, £192 child benefit. She has been pleasantly surprised shock “

gobsmacked!

£2700 take-home salary is roughly a £40000 annual income!

Zerrin13 · 04/07/2020 07:34

OP The only person who will be armed with the facts and knows the legal way to proceed in this horrible situation is a solicitor. There has been lots of well intentioned advice given from posters but they are not in possession of all the information required. You know you can get a job and if you dont have too many skills to offer try and look at any training opportunities that are available to unemployed single parents. This could give you some better job choices in the future. This is all new and must be such a horrible shock. You must have so many worries right now. A solicitor will help you see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Settlersofcatan · 04/07/2020 07:36

Out of £1800 a lot of of this could be housing benefit straight for the rent of £1000 in the south east is not unusual

Yes, but this is the case for (almost) everyone. I don't say my salary is 60k but really only 30 because I need to pay for accommodation

Zenithbear · 04/07/2020 07:49

Don't do anything until you have had legal advice.

thedancingbear · 04/07/2020 07:54

One good option here seems to be to agree 50/50 care of the kids, that will enable you to go out to work.

It sounds like he would be happy to have them full time so 50/50 should not pose him a problem.

Lonecatwithkitten · 04/07/2020 07:56

Sadly relationship breakdown means that everyone's life changes in many ways.
Go for legal advice with as much information as you can get house value, equity, info about pensions, savings and other possible assets ( cars, even my ex's wine collection was included). There are so many variables that affect the outcome. Check out the government benefit checkers.
Also bear in mind that at the moment he is flinging things around to hurt you in the hope you will get cross and justify his narrative for leaving you.
Stay calm, gather information and get informed.

bestbrowsintown · 04/07/2020 07:57

@thedancingbear 50/50 might not be best for the children. Op has been a sahm so their main caregiver. We don't know how old they are either. Done studies suggest 50/50 is no

bestbrowsintown · 04/07/2020 07:58
  • is not ideal for children as it makes them feel unsettled. I'd hate to live between 2 different houses so I wouldn't expect a child to unless that's what they actively chose and were old enough to make that decision
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