My husband left last week and he thinks his rent will come over our mortgage?

[Coronasaurus]

That basically, I've always been a sahm and he's always paid our joint mortgage. But he's now saying that when he finds a flat, as long as he can pay that nothing else matters 😕, even if it means me losing the house. He says that's ok as the kids can then go live with him! Please help? Can I stay in my home ?

[quote allfalldown47]@rwalker why are you gutted? A single parent working part time would need financial support.[/quote]
Probably because that equates to a salary of around £37000? Plenty of two parent families manage on significantly less than that, so not sure why UC would be so high.

Unfortunately for him, if his name is on the mortgage he is liable to pay it. He’ll be subject to financial penalties if the mortgage is not paid (as will you, if your name is on it, which may make it difficult for you to rent).

I'm sorry, but I've a friend going through similar. Her husband left out of the blue, and her solicitor advised no court in the land would compel him to pay both rent and mortgage payments. You need your own legal advice and quick.

Holy hell in a hand cart, as a single parent SAHM with 3 DC under 10 I got 192 child benefit and 600 UC pcm and I thought that was generous.

I’m in a similar position, with less security as I’m not married, and our child has severe SN.

It totally sucks. I understand that some people are saying ‘well you will need to earn money, you shouldn’t depend on a man... ‘ etc. However I do think this totally misses the point and is the opposite of feminism. Most women still do most of the physical caring for the children. And in your case OP and mine do, are SAHMs. This is not something to be ashamed about. Taking care of children is not a small job and it enables one person to earn and pursue a career - so that person, in this case the father, is only able to pay any kind of mortgage or rent because of you OP.

Just because you are divorcing doesn’t mean that he can suddenly stop with his responsibilities. Yours are primarily the carer. His are primarily the provider. Telling you that he could look after the kids and he’d just stop paying the mortgage is the absolute opposite of caring for his kids. They aren’t just some toy that can get handed from one main carer to the other just because he doesn’t feel like providing anymore. And as he’s moved out he has to take that hit. It’s not fun bringing up kids on your own either, but I know you’ll have been taking that on the chin OP and not neglecting your kids. So he can’t just neglect his providing either.

Get good legal advice. Even if its a one off. You could maybe be eligible for legal aid. Go to citizens advice or look up a single parent support group and see if you can get support. Legal advice will help you to think things through. You will probably need to get some kind of part-time job now or in the future, but not to enable him to pay less for his kids just because he doesn’t want to take care of them financially. Your kids matter and financial security is at the top of their mental wellbeing.

£192 is the amount of child benefit for 3 kids.

How old are the dc?

How much equity is in the house?

How much does stbexh earn?

What qualifications do you have?

Is there any family that can help?

Do you have room for a lodger?

How much is the monthly mortgage?

Did you give up a career for the dc?

@Letseatgrandma

£192 is the amount of child benefit for 3 kids.

Sorry yes I was wrong earlier when I said four. Apologies.

FYI......4 kids at home, earn 1200 ish a month and with UC top dont get anywhere near 37k a year!

It does add up if you are renting and get the housing benefit bit aswell, but the vast majority dont get that much.

And what if someone does?! Is a poor cow who got badly treated by a husband meant to live off food banks and be grateful because other people who work dont earn as much?!

Somebody is getting £1800 UC plus £700 from part time job?? Can't see it myself. Would anybody bother working full time.

@Viviennemary

Somebody is getting £1800 UC plus £700 from part time job?? Can't see it myself. Would anybody bother working full time.

People do get this much in some circumstances.

You need a solicitor appointment immediately. If there is money in a joint account, draw it out and open an account just for you
Start claiming UC. Notify council tax as you should get a discount.

Someone upthread confidently asserted the op will get spousal maintenance. Thars a hard sell these days unless the op can prove there is no way she can work or the ex is v high earner which he sounds like he isn't.

Time to get proactive.
Start considering your housing options. If you can't pay the mortgage, you'll have to sell. Hopefully you will have some equity coming your way.
Start thinking about work. Don't sit around moping that he isn't going to support you anymore. He HAS to provide support for your child but so do you now.
Here's your chance to stand up and show your child how a strong woman looks. Set an example.

Single parenting can be a pretty tough road, no doubt, but no point making it harder by trying to cling to a situation that is no longer tenable. Life changes and often we need to change with it.

You need to get yourself a good solicitor.

@StudyBuddy maybe op wanted to keep the children and live with them too?

You will have to sell.

Then depending how much money you will get from the mortage, you wont be entitled to many benefits and the council wont pay your rent for you untill you have very little money left.

If you keep paying the mortgage and he doesnt, when you sell it, he will be entitled to half.

Best thing to do is sell it and try and start again

OP your exDH is unlikely to be obliged to provide spousal maintenance unless you cannot work. It was an old fashioned concept dating to a time when many older women simply had not had the educational opportunities and workplaces expected women to stop working after children were born. It's no longer relevant when women can and do support themselves

You will need to get a job. You will probably be eligible for some benefits to top up your income, but be prepared for the fact that if you were totally financially reliant on your husband, you are likely to be poorer now & he won't be obliged to subsidise your lifestyle even if he's much better off than you.

Your husband is ridiculous. He will have to pay maintenance for the children and share care.

Gat some good legal advice and have a word with your mortgage company to see if you can reduce payments.

24k in handouts, I think we’ve been doing it all wrong, there I was thinking we needed to work for a living.

ODFOD, lol

DontStandSoClose Fri 03-Jul-20 23:24:43
My friend’s husband tried this and she gets £1800 uc, £700 from her part time job, £192 child benefit.

24k in handouts, I think we’ve been doing it all wrong, there I was thinking we needed to work for a living.
...
You come over in that post as very resentful. Please don't be, it isn't helping.

The woman in the numbers I quoted has 4 dc but can’t claim child benefit as her husband’s earnings meant they weren’t entitled so he never added the 4th dc (now age 7) and as her ex was and is abusive She can’t access birth certificates or passports. Solicitors are dealing with this. Her rent is high due to 4 bedrooms with two dc sharing. She plans to get a new job but covid preventing that at the moment and c actually her dc have seen lots of abuse and need their mum right now. Why anyone would be jealous of this situation is beyond me. It’ll only be until the solicitors can get what’s rightly hers. She had dc they could comfortably afford with all 4 in private education but her ex is blocking her access to the family money.

@Coronasaurus - l got divorced recently. Your XH does not have to pay spousal maintenance. The Courts prefer a clean break now and expect both parties to be financially independent of each other except for child maintenance.

Child maintenance is separate to a financial order and is managed either as a private arrangement or via CMS. It can be written into the Court Order but that aspect only lasts a year and then either of you can go to CMS.

It's also very difficult to get a Mersher order for the home as again the Court's prefer a clean break.

You need to claim universal credit and contact council for tax reduction.

Also XH needs to start having the DC at his new place at least EOW .... or maybe every weekend if that's when you will need to work.