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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what the shittest sex you ever had is?

388 replies

Magicra84 · 24/05/2020 14:39

Saw someone who absolutely insisted he wanted a proper relationship and not just FWB but the few times I saw him which led to sex he left within ten mins of sex ending. Sex was shit too. Three thrusts and he was done. Rubbish! As he was very good looking I hoped it would get better. I didn't give it chance to after he left immediately after twice.

OP posts:
NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 24/05/2020 14:52

Most of it, if I'm being perfectly honest.

It would be easier to tell you what was good: come in number six. Now he WAS amazing. It was a one-off and while I didn't want to marry him, I'd have him as my FWB any day. Our paths will cross again at some point Smile

Wagamamas · 25/05/2020 07:56

Most is horrid and bad. I can count on the one hand the good sex i had. Sad but true.

Really jealous of women who have amazing sex lives with loving husbands (not fwbs) as i think its harder to sudtain that when you have kids and bills together.

Wagamamas · 25/05/2020 07:56

Sustain*

OuzoWoozo · 25/05/2020 07:59

Worst sex: He asked me to piss on him and then tried to dribble saliva on my face, whilst jackhammering away like Billy-O.

Gross.

GinDaddyRedux · 25/05/2020 08:01

Orgasms are made in the mind as much as with the other person. If the other person is caring, exciting, gentle, romantic, powerfully attractive, then sure it 100% helps your mind get there. It's essential. But you have to be open to "getting there" yourself. If you're a person who tends to glumly says "well this could be shit" before something happens, well... yeah.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 25/05/2020 08:01

Someone doing press ups and I happened to be underneath him.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 25/05/2020 08:07

Oh, tons of it. Used to be great in my 20s and seems to get worse the older I get?! Wish my OH was better at it but I've given up on that front.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/05/2020 08:11

A guy with premature ejaculation issues. He took me to a sex club at a time, when I had no idea of their existence (I was 20). That was interesting. We didn’t do anything there as he’d have finished in seconds, maybe a minute... not that I knew it at the time. Or that he was married with 4 kids. Arsehole.

Rosehip10 · 25/05/2020 08:12

@Magicra84 Was he upper middle class?

ThighThighofthigh · 25/05/2020 08:16

Agree with a pp, easier to remember the few that were good.

I wonder how many lists I'm on as shittest sex ever.

chockaholic72 · 25/05/2020 08:17

Aussie guy who’d only have sex with me on top, not that he’d admit it. Even if we started in another position so that he could prove the point that he liked other positions too, somehow he’d always manipulate me back on top by the time he was close to orgasm. He also liked being spanked (not my thing) and had a skinny penis. I’m not a size queen but I do like a bit of, erm, girth.

GoatCheeseTart · 25/05/2020 08:18

It's a tie between a jackhammer and a guy who was very good looking and spent the entire time thinking about how he looks and choosing positions based on how flattering those were for him. No, there was nobody else but us in the room. I'm pretty sure there were no cameras either, but I guess you never know.

jugglingbeans · 25/05/2020 08:21

When it was done to and not with me. I consented but might as well have read a good book whilst they did it as it was all about them and I was bored.

Queenoftheashes · 25/05/2020 08:28

My ex ejaculated when just about to stick it in. Another time when we were just kissing and clothed. He also loved going down on me for hours but was awful at it and kept biting my clitoris. It was horrific. I would never put up with it now but at the time I was young and inexperienced and felt to awkward to really deal with it. Plus if I did say something it didn’t improve anyway. God those were dark days. I don’t think my libido ever recovered.

Queenoftheashes · 25/05/2020 08:29

*too awkward not to!

OccasionalNachos · 25/05/2020 08:30

Most one-night stands weren’t great, it was when I started cultivating FWBs that casual encounters got better. Meeting people in clubs and bars could often lead to crap sex. I wish hookup apps had existed when I was young and single.

Queenoftheashes · 25/05/2020 08:31

Oh and there was a guy with a penis so small it didn’t get past the entrance to the vag. I mean it was an inch and a half. Proper napoleon. He tried to make up for it by fingering me but had long fingernails. Argh where do I find these monsters?!

stellabelle · 25/05/2020 08:31

My ex was fantastic at it, but it was like a performance rather than a loving act. My DH is woeful at it, but he is so loving and caring that I don't mind. If this is all I'm going to get for the rest of my life, that's fine because he is so lovely.

Redwren · 25/05/2020 08:33

My first time was rubbish, he lasted 15seconds top and I couldnt believe that was it. I didnt see him again afterwards but he chased me for years cos he wanted to prove to me that he could do better

TeddyIsaHe · 25/05/2020 08:41

The guy that could only climax by spitting all over me 🤮🤮🤮 Only did that the once!

Dp is amazing. The first time we had sex I don’t think I could speak for 10 mins afterwards. Thank god, because I was sick of shit sex.

Ughmaybenot · 25/05/2020 08:43

Ah. There’s one who wins this prize hands down. He was (objectively I suppose he still is, but it’s tainted for me now!) honestly one of the most gorgeous men I have ever seen, a properly handsome rugby player, and I’d fancied him for a while. I pulled him NYE. I was drunk, he was drunk. He took me back to his place, and we went for it on the sofa... uncomfortable already with my neck jammed at an angle against the arm, but okay. He was AWFUL. Barely any preamble at all, just started hammering away. I told him to stop halfway through, I couldn’t put up with any more, grabbed my clothes and went to get changed in the bathroom... I walked into his mum on the landing. It was his mums house, and I was naked!! We were both absolutely horrified. I made a very swift exit, frantically calling anyone someone to come pick me up... and we never spoke again. Funny that!

thiswashelpful · 25/05/2020 08:43

surprised that there are so few posts on this topic, but I guess we're inclined to remember the best and forget the rest.

This will sound selfish and more to do with me! Worst for me was being with someone who could not "finish", I'd never experienced that with a partner, and after a while it really had an impact on our relationship. First few times I was not sure and checking for leak, stains, etc. Nothing!

I guess it could be the same in other relationships, where one partner can't orgasm?

oralengineer · 25/05/2020 08:44

Worst was a guy whose pubic hair extended half way up his smaller than average dick. He was pretty hairy all over and put me off hairy men for life. Not pleasant.
Fortunately DH, who I’ve been with for 28 years has always been open to ‘exploration ‘. Having teenagers around 24/7 does make our sex life limited though.

TheoneandObi · 25/05/2020 08:45

That's easy. 1985. The vainest man at UEA. In a band. Thought he was all that. Called me frigid because I couldn't climax with him. Convinced it was MY problem. Never had the problem before or since. Funny that.
He's bald now and entirely lost his looks. That must hurt.

YouJustDoYou · 25/05/2020 08:49

Stop, you're all making me vomit 🤮🤮