To ask what the shittest sex you ever had is?

[Magicra84]

Saw someone who absolutely insisted he wanted a proper relationship and not just FWB but the few times I saw him which led to sex he left within ten mins of sex ending. Sex was shit too. Three thrusts and he was done. Rubbish! As he was very good looking I hoped it would get better. I didn't give it chance to after he left immediately after twice.

Some truly awful experiences with one night stands - just hammering away when I thought it would be al hot and sexy having sex with a virtual stranger. One guy who just kept farting all the way through (not envy!) Lots of awful experiences of oral sex where I just didn’t have the experience or confidence to tell them to stop/ to change what they were doing - which I suppose isn’t their fault. Always seemed like the hottest guys were the worst/ most selfish.

Until I met DH - who is genuinely the best sex I’ve ever had. 14 years and three children later, still hands down the best. We just fit together so well - emotionally, physically. We’ve had droughts and unfortunately our drives don’t completely match but our youngest is now 3 and things have improved a lot now we’re out of the bad sleep and breastfeeding years. Ultimately we fancy each other like mad and have a wonderful relationship, plus he’s hot AF so I count myself extremely lucky.

Ewww banana i had one say that, too

I was rather drunk, he wanted a blow job and went to then vomited I ALL over his lap.
He screamed and ran out of the room.

I've had some pretty awful sex. The absolute worst was a guy I met from OLD. He was quite petite all over so I don't know why I was expecting otherwise but he had an absolutely tiny penis. To the point where most guys' were bigger flaccid than he was erect. And he didn't know how to use it which made it even worse. Pathetic.

@GorgeousLadyofWrestling Omg at the farter! Was it loud and did he acknowledge?? Or silent elephant in the room? 😂

MarieQueenofScots Too funny with your sympathy shag !

One person did these dreadful sex noises eeeeew 🤢 🤒 I was genuinely trying not to laugh the first time he did it! A few times later I realised that This Was It. We didn’t last much longer.

I’m crying with laughter at that farter, with every thrust?! 😂

Stillfunny

Poor lad was a virgin, I couldn’t crush him any more after I had sniggered at his song.

We’re still friends now though so clearly a public service

I've had sex where the actual sex has been all right (if feeling as though he was being filmed whilst doing it - all the technical perambulations, but that's watching too much porn for you), but once it was over there was no closeness, no cuddling; just immediate clean up and 'I'm going to sleep now'. That made me feel shit and as though I was some kind of escort service.

And then there was where there was lots of closeness and cuddling and emotional exchange, but a teeny tiny penis that wouldn't stay erect, kept bending and wouldn't go in. Also came within two seconds and no foreplay.

And all the ones who've thought sex for a woman must be in the duration, so they've banged on and on and on until you've given up hope and started admiring the curtains and wondering where he got them from.

Someone that would use his thumb...inside. Then do a flicking motion.

I shit you not. Horrific.

DH of 20 years is very very very good though thankfully.

I really should not be reading this while having my breakfast

I don't think being good in bed means he is a player. Most players are selfish, they just think of their needs. They have no respect tl their partner or value their emotions or see a future with them. They are the ones who might have lots of one night stands which i dont think teach you much as every person is different.
I think it's a chemistry and personality.
The guys that really really want you, that care what that you cum, that like the same thing as you and their body just seems to fit yours perfectly..like a big dick doesnt mean good sex.. and if you are into rough sex but he wants to be spanked.. thats just not compatible energy.

I do think too many guys cum too quick or use the woman to replicate porn scenes rather than actually engage with her in bed.

Oh dear small penises seem to figure a lot here.

Spitting out my cornflakes reading some of these

I think all of them were shit before I met my OH, he's the only person I've felt relaxed enough with to have an orgasm, I used to think there was something wrong with me!

I fancied this bloke for years and finally he seemed to take an interest. We were kissing and I honestly thought all my Christmases has come at once, great kisser!

One thing led to another.....then he started ordering me to do this, do that .....ooh tanfastic touch me here. Touch me there oooh .....there's a good girl .....you're enjoying this aren't you.....good girl.

Fucking good girl? What?🤢

I went right off him

I had an on-off fling with a Swede who was handsome but who was very 'robotic' in bed. Had the moves but not the grooves if you get my meaning. Left me cold.

OP, sounds like a guy I met a few years ago, we chatted for ages, lots of sexting about what he wanted to do with me, how amazing it was going to be etc...etc...

Eventually the day came, I drove to his which was almost an hour away, spent ages getting ready, he lasted all of 3 thrusts and then made an excuse that he had to go back to work 😐. I stupidly saw him another time in hope it was just first time nerves but nope, 2nd time was just as bad, if not worse.

Now I’m older and single I’m kind of amazed at how easily I hopped into bed with people and just brushed it off if the sex was crap. I can’t bear the thought of it now! I’d rather not bother than go through all that.

I remember a lad at uni I briefly dated, I'm sure he was a virgin we starting having sex and his leg started to twitch and he then got chewing gum in my hair. I wasnt impressed.

That’s the problem with one night stands- if they walk off after 10 mins how crap is the woman meant to feel. Then I suppose that’s what the are about, just sex, nothing more.

Oh and one guy whose previous girlfriend had been a 'squirter'. (sorry about the cornflakes...)

He decided that all women were 'squirters' they just hadn't discovered it yet. So he would spend hours poking and prodding and knuckling and groping about in there, trying to make me 'squirt', when I'd told him so many times that I knew my own body and its capabilities pretty well after thirty five years on the sex circuit, and I was not a 'squirter'.

He'd only ever had that one previous girlfriend so his sample wasn't huge...

This thread has cheered me up! I've been relatively lucky but did have one jackhammer, so relieved to hear it's a 'thing'. He pounded away and then when I stood up, in shock, to go to the bathroom I was dripping blood. I was horrified because I thought he'd damaged me but he said 'oh, we've just brought on your period'. Yuck, yuck, yuck, it's making me feel ill writing about it, but it's cathartic because I've never told anyone. Turned out he was right - it had probably happened to him before I suppose. The whole experience really shocked me but now I'm married to a lovely, gentle, sensitive man who I appreciate all the more having experienced a few idiots!

Also had sex with a guy who was very big, I wasn’t very old (17 maybe), we had sex in his van and then went to meet his mates in the pub, I was in so much pain I kept wincing every time I sat down and was walking like a cowboy, god knows what his friends thought of me. I just wanted to get home and soak my poor bits in a warm bath 😂.

Tanfastic you see that to me would be hot 😂 one (wo)mans meat is anothet's poison i guess