Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to move to Wales?

691 replies

dgarcia85 · 07/05/2020 17:44

My OH and I live in SE London and we are about to start TTC. We both agree we need to decide where we want to live as we want our kids to have a stable home and not move around. I work at a council and earn £35K. It’s a great place to work and I don’t want to leave. I also will be starting a second consulting job soon earning an additional £10K. My OH is studying p/t and earns £20K. I want to move closer to work most likely Purley renting first and then buying when we can afford too. OH doesn’t think we will ever be able to buy anything in Croydon/London and he wants to move to Wales where his parents are as it’s cheaper and they can help out with any kids. I’m from the Caribbean originally and I’ve been living in London for 15 years and made it my home and I don’t really want to start over in another new plus. Hi Plus I feel like our mixed race kids would fit in better in London and I love my job. I know Wales makes more sense financially but I can’t bring myself to agree to it and its now causing arguments....

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
dandymottahs · 07/05/2020 17:47

You should have to move if you don't want to. I wouldn't let the fact your children are mixed race be a factor though. We have lots of mixed race children in wales?

ShinyMe · 07/05/2020 17:48

Whereabouts in Wales? I think there are big differences between areas. Cardiff is a different thing entirely to a tiny village in Snowdonia.

Original poster
dgarcia85 · 07/05/2020 17:53

Yes in Cardiff or similar maybe? But he doesn’t like city life and he wants to move near to the village where his parents live and I hardly see any people of colour there (although they are always very friendly to me when we visit Smile )

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 07/05/2020 17:53

Wales only makes financial sense IF you've got decently paid jobs! I live in Wales for year and unemployment was sky high outside the cities. Are his parents rural or city? Has your partner even looked at the job market in the area? Salaries are proportionally lower to match the housing costs.

When is he planning to go full-time? Surely that would make more sense than dragging you somewhere you so obviously don't want to?

Jollofyum · 07/05/2020 17:54

Hi,

I'm mixed race. Moved from SE London to Wales (Cardiff) a few years ago. I was very apprehensive at first and used to return to London a fair bit. But honestly, it was the best decision ever - so good that some of my family made the same choice a couple of years later.

Since I've had kids, I've noticed I have more issues when I visit London with them than I do in Wales. (My parentage of my own children has only been question in SE London!)

Cheaper, so much for the kids to do in such a small space, beaches, mountains, loads and loads of indoor activities and really friendly people. We have a far better quality of life than if we'd stayed in London.

Original poster
dgarcia85 · 07/05/2020 17:57

@ShinyMe His family live in Abercarn. If he was up for Cardiff I’d be slightly more inclined....

OP posts:
Davespecifico · 07/05/2020 18:00

You would think that if you’re moving to Wales for him, he could compromise and go with Cardiff. I think he should be respectful of your concerns and it should be a joint decision.

SerenDippitty · 07/05/2020 18:02

Ah Newport area then. You could live somewhere like Marshfield which is 20 minutes away from Abercarn and easily commutable to Cardiff.

DesignedForLife · 07/05/2020 18:03

Move to Cardiff, it’s like a mini London but cheaper. I’ve lived in both, love both, but Wales is much cheaper. Only really two hours from London by train. Wouldn’t personally want to move to a small village.

MouthBreathingRage · 07/05/2020 18:04

Firstly, Wales isn't full of knuckle-dragging racist, even in a 'tiny village near Snowdonia'. However, if you are not used to small village life, that could be an issue. It's a very different mentality to city living, one that is quite love it/hate it.

Secondly, whilst I understand it's less of an issue in the south (especially Cardiff), you may want to take the language into consideration. Some jobs may require you to be able, or willing to learn Welsh. If you have children, it's very likely to be a compulsory part of their education.

I think the village life situation is really your biggest consideration here. I personally found it stifling and boring, the fact everyone knows your business is exhausting. On the flipside, community spirit if you get involved in it can be absolutely wonderful. I think you'd be better off in a city for now though, in all honesty.

RaspberryBubblegum · 07/05/2020 18:06

Cardiff is surely only a 45 min or so drive from Abercarn? Compared to London it's a lot closer so I really think he should compromise on that! Cardiff is a nice compromise.

CelestialSpanking · 07/05/2020 18:06

Cardiff is very diverse and isn’t really that far from Newport. Could you compromise about location? (Meaning would he?) tbh if he won’t then as someone who speaks from experience- don’t make the move.

Wales is like anywhere else in the UK- some places there’s lots of different ethnicities and other places you’ll feel that you stand out a lot.

fussygalore118 · 07/05/2020 18:09

I live in Wakes, not far from Abercarn I work in Cardiff.
I have Nigerian friends who live in Cardiff, when they come visit they laugh about being the only black person in the village.... it really is not very diverse.

Cardiff is completely different,but I wouldn't move up the valleys....

fussygalore118 · 07/05/2020 18:11

Sorry meant to add I would move up the valleys straight from London, Cardiff is a great compromise.

ShinyMe · 07/05/2020 18:13

Oh I absolutely wasn't suggesting that a tiny village in Snowdonia (that's where I grew up) would be racist, just that it's so hugely different from London and if someone isn't sure about moving, then perhaps rural isn't the way to go.

Northernsoullover · 07/05/2020 18:17

Cardiff is incredibly multicultural and you would be very welcome here. The valleys less so. We have one of the oldest multicultural populations in the UK due to the docks. When this is all over come and stay and have a good look around.

OliviaBenson · 07/05/2020 18:19

Are you married op? Would you work on Wales? I'd be wary about making such big changes, especially if you aren't married.

If this is a dealbreaker, are you sure about TTC?

AdaColeman · 07/05/2020 18:20

There is a reason why property is cheaper in Wales, and part of it is that there are fewer services and amenities available there, especially away from the larger towns.

Perhaps the only theatre is miles away, or the small local library is only open two days a week, or there are no galleries or museums or cinemas within striking distance. If these things are important to you, then think carefully about where you move to.

I agree that unemployment is high in Wales, so has your DH got the type of job that will be transferable, or has he got other skills he could develop?

Theneverendingcleaningcycle · 07/05/2020 18:20

Abercarn is a 20ish minute train ride away from Cardiff. I live in the next village 3 mins over Cwmcarn and we have lots of different races in our school. So please don't let that worry you.

AnneOfCloves · 07/05/2020 18:21

Cardiff is great but I wouldn't consider anywhere rural if I were you. I have family in N Wales and so many of the attitudes are, well, not exactly cosmopolitan.

Wanderlust21 · 07/05/2020 18:22

I couldn't help to think of the inbetweeners, when they tell Simon they are moving to Wales xD

boylovesmeerkats · 07/05/2020 18:24

Cardiff and South Wales is nice but yes you do need to watch the language barrier for some jobs. Not far to Bristol for work but I'm always getting job offers around Newport etc there are quite a lot of skills shortages so you could do well. The scenery is beautiful. I'm in Bristol and wouldn't move to London. To be fair you could always move here because it's close enough for family but not too close to family and only 60- 90 mins from London too.

I'm mixed race although 3rd generation, in cities there is always a vibrant BAME culture and Cardiff especially has always had so many migrant communities from the docks there. None of my family have ever lived in London and we've all felt at home.

Oliversmumsarmy · 07/05/2020 18:24

Well unless he is going to make up what you lose in monetary terms and has a job offer on £75k in Wales I wouldn’t even discuss it.

Where is the money going to come from to buy a house in Wales if you are going to lose your main income and he will probably be earning less than the £20k he earns atm

If you like London and feel comfortable living here and are doing well. Why would you jack it in to go and live else where with no job.

Look at your outgoings and income. I think the weak link is your dh on £20k when you are doing 2 jobs.

Is he purposely not getting another job to save for a place because he wants to engineer a move back to Wales.

Twoshininglights · 07/05/2020 18:25

Honestly, we really struggled. We had lived in London for 20 years nearly. Moved to Cardiff. Lots of close friends there. In laws west Wales. We didn’t really settle despite the space/social life/proximity (relative) to family, and moved back after 3 years.

Not sure that helps, but it depends what you like about London. Yes, Cardiff is multi cultural. But not in the same way that London is. We have accepted that, for us, we are a happiest in London with all the financial restrictions there are.

Oliversmumsarmy · 07/05/2020 18:27

Also no point in saying how great Cardiff is when the dh wants to move to a little village to be near his parents.