To not want to move to Wales?

[dgarcia85]

My OH and I live in SE London and we are about to start TTC. We both agree we need to decide where we want to live as we want our kids to have a stable home and not move around. I work at a council and earn £35K. It’s a great place to work and I don’t want to leave. I also will be starting a second consulting job soon earning an additional £10K. My OH is studying p/t and earns £20K. I want to move closer to work most likely Purley renting first and then buying when we can afford too. OH doesn’t think we will ever be able to buy anything in Croydon/London and he wants to move to Wales where his parents are as it’s cheaper and they can help out with any kids. I’m from the Caribbean originally and I’ve been living in London for 15 years and made it my home and I don’t really want to start over in another new plus. Hi Plus I feel like our mixed race kids would fit in better in London and I love my job. I know Wales makes more sense financially but I can’t bring myself to agree to it and its now causing arguments....

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I'm not sure I can sell him on Cardiff as a compromise ... he makes me feel like he has no intention of staying even if we moved there and he’s not going to be happy unless we end up in Abercarn

TBH he's starting to sound perhaps a bit "limited" - like someone who was lured by the bright lights for a while and now it's worn off he wants to return to mum and dad

You used a "LOL" in your PP about being stuck there with them, but for me there'd be no LOL about it. Each to their own of course, but this is a very major issue and I hope you can resolve it in a way which works for you both

[monkeycats]

Teens - but that’s what I said. The risks in London are obvious. We all know this. I’m just pointing out there are other problems in rural areas which some people underestimate. It’s why some areas have no young people because those who can will all bugger off to where there are more opportunities.

[EdwinaMay]

I live in an area with not many jobs and a council job is like gold dust - and I'm sure there are many others in Cardiff/Abercorn who would like a council job too.
I would say you will be jobless and possibly doing something less interesting and less well paid.
What does wonderboy do for a living?

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I was living alone with a decent job. He was living with his parents and working minimum wage

Hmmm

So what are his current plans for the future, especially if you're hoping for a family? Will he be content with an (inevitably lower paid) local admin job, or do his ambitions stretch beyond that?

[Batqueen]

It doesn’t sound like he’s being fair. He knew your job, your life, everything when you met. If where you are is unaffordable you could move further out of the centre of London.

My friend was in a relationship that was a bit similar, a guy fell in love with her because ‘she was different from all the girls he knew’ ‘ambitious’ ‘independent’ etc

Then he wanted to move back to his home village, where she wouldn’t be able to find a job, he wouldn’t even compromise on moving to the capital an hour away (and we are talking other side of Europe). He wouldn’t compromise on timescale, nothing.

Still came as a shock when she broke up with him.

[dgarcia85]

Ok. So what makes you not want to move to Wales?

Mainly because I have a good job in London which I love and I feel like like my career is progressing here. I’m not convinced Id find the equivalent in Wales.
I have also considered asking to work from home for a while and moving to Cardiff and then commuting back to London when I need to. But even if my boss agrees I’m not sure a 3 hour drive each way is realistic especially once we have kids.

[monkeycats]

Anyway, why does he want to move near to his mum at his age? What’s that about?

Could it be he just wants a doss job and a doss life where you can carry on earning all the money and his mum can look after your babies / kids while he just faffs with no pressure?

If you stay in London and take maternity leave, he is going to have to step up (earning wise).

Sorry if I’ve got him wrong, but this attitude would make me suspicious.

[peperethecat]

The more I think about it, the more I think Bristol would be the most sensible compromise. There's tons going on there, loads of jobs and young families, much better job opportunities for you both, it's pretty diverse and it's only a 45 minute drive from Abercarn.

[EwwSprouts]

I would stay in London until hopefully kids appear and until your DH has completed his exams. Enjoy your job now, build your CV and save some money. There are too many unknowns for a move now that doesn't fill you with excitement.

[thedancingbear]

I grew up in Cardiff and moved to South London in my early 20s.

I've vaguely horrified and offended at the posters suggesting that South Wales is some kind of culturally-devoid backwards impoverished shithole, when the alternative being offered is fucking Croydon.

[dgarcia85]

What does wonderboy do for a living?
He works in admin while he is studying IT. He’s mainly been doing call centre or admin jobs.

So what are his current plans for the future, especially if you're hoping for a family? Will he be content with an (inevitably lower paid) local admin job, or do his ambitions stretch beyond that?

He wants to work in IT but he has another 5 years of his degree plus will then need to get some work experience so he is not anywhere near able to earn a decent salary

[Fluffycloudland77]

Don’t do it. We spent a lot of time in wales due my parents retiring there and they still give you filthy looks when they hear your English accent.

It’s like going back to the 1950’s. One of mums friends was astonished mum had a dw. It’s that basic.

[TeensArghhhh]

Stay in London OP. That’s where you, obviously, want to be - with or without your partner.


I am feeling aggrieved at how posters are seeing Wales at the moment. For what it’s worth I have 3 adopted children. None are white, Welsh. One is a teacher, one is a paramedic. My youngest has recently raised over £1000 for PPE for NHS staff. She is on her second leg and since midnight, last night, has raised another £300 - from singing 2 songs!

My children were brought up in Wales - not too far from Abercarn.... They have had a lovely childhood and are doing well for themselves.

None have encountered the problems mentioned on this thread. They have all led, busy, active, fulfilled lives as children, teenagers and adults.

London isn’t the be all and end all.

You are free to make your own decisions OP.

[dgarcia85]

The more I think about it, the more I think Bristol would be the most sensible compromise. There's tons going on there, loads of jobs and young families, much better job opportunities for you both, it's pretty diverse and it's only a 45 minute drive from Abercarn.

I think I will definitely talk to him about Bristol. It seems like a good compromise and neutral grounds. Plus my only relative in the UK is an aunt who lives in Weston super mare so I’d be closer to her too which would be nice.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

He wants to work in IT but he has another 5 years of his degree plus will then need to get some work experience so he is not anywhere near able to earn a decent salary

A worthwhile aim, but even with studying part time that's a heck of a long timescale
I'm just wondering how long it will be before he suggests living with his parents and him giving up work completely so he can get his degree/promising job "much sooner" ...

[Wtfdidwedo]

Fluffycloudland77 I don't even know where to start with his absolutely ridiculous, racist comment.

[Amanduh]

I wouldn’t move to Wales if you paid me.
Yanbu to not want to move!

[480Widdio]

Bristol is a fantastic city,but Property prIces are hIgh.

[thedancingbear]

Don’t do it. We spent a lot of time in wales due my parents retiring there and they still give you filthy looks when they hear your English accent.

I lived in cardiff for 20-odd years and never encountered anything like this. If you go to the wilds of West Wales, then you might encounter a few intolerant dicks. But this just doesn't happen in SE Wales.

[monkeycats]

Teens - there’s no need to take this personally though?
My kids aren’t out stabbing people. That doesn’t mean I minimise this as an issue in London.

[thedancingbear]

Fluffycloudland77 I don't even know where to start with his absolutely ridiculous, racist comment.

When I come across racists, I just don't engage. It really winds them up.

[dgarcia85]

*Could it be he just wants a doss job and a doss life where you can carry on earning all the money and his mum can look after your babies / kids while he just faffs with no pressure?
If you stay in London and take maternity leave, he is going to have to step up (earning wise). *

He would be the first to tell you that he didn’t have a lot of ambition before we met. But he really is trying his best now by starting the IT degree. Hes not going to get a decent job in London without a degree there’s too much competition and I understand that and I’m being patient. I also can’t wait til he’s in a better place financially to TTC tho as I’m 35 in a few months and who knows how long it will take.

[ANoiseAnnoys]

Alarm bells would be ringing for me OP. Sounds like he won’t be happy until he moves back near his parents and you are much more of a cosmopolitan city girl. Are you that well matched? These things can make or break a relationship.

Surely the first thing is to check out jobs. If you haven’t a hope in hell of getting a similar job on a similar salary to the one you have it kind of defeats the object of moving to have more money. Obviously the job opportunities even in Cardiff are nothing like those in London.

Then I think you need to spend a lot more time in the areas you would be willing to move to. Narrow it down and then have a holiday there. I live in a suburb in the north west so am very close to north wales and although I love wales for a holiday there’s no way I’d want to live there. I get bored after a week or two.
You need to do a lot more research into house prices etc too.

No way would I move in with his parents. No. Way.

[peperethecat]

That's true, they are, but not London high. Cardiff is much cheaper, but there are a lot more jobs in Bristol and salaries are higher. You could feasibly commute to Bristol from South Wales, but I was thinking as a tactical move, if the, OP and her partner find jobs in Bristol and move there, they can see how they like being in a smaller city that's between London and Wales, without having actually moved to his home town. It's a bit more neutral. Then if they decide they want to move to South Wales later but continue to work in Bristol, they could do that.

OP, has your partner ever lived anywhere other than London or Abercarn? Just because he hates London that doesn't mean he would necessarily hate a smaller city. But I really do get the impression that if you agree to move to Abercarn now he'll never leave again.

[Lou1isa]

I found less racism in Wales based on the colour of your skin iykwim.
We found that if the kids grew up with the local accent and within the community no one really gave a shit what race they were, walking in with an posh English accent would be more likely to turn heads lol.