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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss my best friend's wedding

196 replies

YouTubeIsYourMotherNow · 16/02/2020 22:17

DH's friends told us months ago that they would be having their wedding in Cyprus on a Friday in June 2021. I told my best friend this in December as soon as I found out the date because she was recently engaged. Now she has booked her wedding for the Saturday of the same weekend near her family home which is nowhere near an airport. I'd have to leave the Cyprus wedding early, leaving behind my husband and DS who is 2, and catch a late night flight to London then a lift with a friend the next day to make it. I'm not sure DH can cope with DS alone on a flight either.
She is like a sister to me. We lived together for 4 years before I got married and was my maid of honour. Absolutely went above and beyond when it was my turn. However DHs friend is someone he's known since childhood and he absolutely has to go.

AIBU to honour the initial commitment of going to the Cyprus wedding and miss my friend's wedding entirely?

OP posts:
BuffaloCauliflower · 16/02/2020 22:18

DH goes to his friends wedding, you go to your friends, leave DS with family for a weekend?

DeathStare · 16/02/2020 22:19

You go to your friend's wedding. Your DH go to his friend's wedding.

rosegoldivy · 16/02/2020 22:19

If it was my best friend I'd be sending DH to Cyprus alone.

I wouldnt miss my best friends wedding and I wouldnt expect my DH to miss his friends either.

PinkiOcelot · 16/02/2020 22:19

That’s a hard one, but you did commit to the other wedding first. Your leaving Cyprus on a late flight etc isn’t really doable.

HuntIdeas · 16/02/2020 22:20

Can’t you attend your friends wedding and DH attend his friends?

Qwerty543 · 16/02/2020 22:20

I'd go to my friend's wedding and send DH to his friend's wedding. Why can't he cope with his own child fgs?

Darbs76 · 16/02/2020 22:20

I’d put my best friends wedding over DH’s friend.

BringOnTheBotox · 16/02/2020 22:21

I couldn't bring myself to miss my best friends wedding. I think it could damage your friendship long term if you do.

I'm also a bit Hmm that your husband can't cope with his own child on a flight!

SparePantsAndLego · 16/02/2020 22:22

I’d do exactly as PPs suggest and go to the weddings separately. You both owe it to your friends to go to their weddings. If it’s not practical to leave DS with a family member, take him with you.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 16/02/2020 22:24

Go to separate weddings...

He has time to practise looking after his kid solo...

Kisskiss · 16/02/2020 22:24

Go to your friend’s wedding and he go to his! Why do you even have to think about it??? Me and dh have done this before when his best mate and mine got hitched on the same weekend.. I’ve also flown from Uk to France for a Friday wedding then straight to Italy for a Saturday one .. it was pretty horrible and I’d never do it again ( unless for very good friends) but not impossible...

Tombakersscarf · 16/02/2020 22:24

I wouldn't want to miss my best friends wedding but it is unfortunate that she had chosen a date that you had already told her you would be away for.

MadamePewter · 16/02/2020 22:25

You’ve already accepted an invitation and she knew the date. It’s fine,

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/02/2020 22:25

Either go to the weddings separately, or get the late night flight home and DH learns to cope with his child on a flight... if you can do it, so can he!

I wouldn’t miss it if I had any choice, but I also wouldn’t ask DH to miss the wedding of a childhood friend, especially as you accepted that invitation first.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 16/02/2020 22:32

I'd normally say go to best friends wedding.

But you told her weeks ago what date you couldn't do. And she chose that date. This is on her really, if she really wanted you there she would have picked a date other than the one you couldn't do.

Iloveacurry · 16/02/2020 22:33

You probably just need to go to the weddings separately unfortunately.

I’d be slightly annoyed though, you did tell your friend about the other wedding and she still booked it for the same weekend?

SleepingStandingUp · 16/02/2020 22:37

Has she said anything about the date clash?

I'd do as people suggested, you go to yours, he goes to his, and you fight over eho doesn't get the kid

MintImperials · 16/02/2020 22:37

Separate weddings, only solution really.

JacketPotatoQueen · 16/02/2020 22:39

It is a shame your friend had to pick the weekend you had already told her was the date of the Cyprus wedding. Was there a particular reason she had to pick the date that clashed?

LordsALeaping · 16/02/2020 22:39

One person to each wedding.

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 16/02/2020 22:40

Since it’s a reasonable amount of notice, I would say sorry you now can’t make the Cyprus one but DH can. They should be able to reduced numbers of invitee someone else with 10months to go. Then you go to your best friends.

DoraleeRhodes · 16/02/2020 22:41

Go to the separate weddings. Your DH can surely deal with his own child, or if not leave the child with family/keep him with you.

Nogoodusername · 16/02/2020 22:42

Go to separate weddings

Honeyroar · 16/02/2020 22:43

It is strange that she’s picking a date that she knows her best friend is already busy for. You’d think that would have put her off it.

MadamePewter · 16/02/2020 22:43

I think the main point is that OP and het DH have already accepted the Cyprus invitation. Very rude to take it back

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