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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss my best friend's wedding

196 replies

YouTubeIsYourMotherNow · 16/02/2020 22:17

DH's friends told us months ago that they would be having their wedding in Cyprus on a Friday in June 2021. I told my best friend this in December as soon as I found out the date because she was recently engaged. Now she has booked her wedding for the Saturday of the same weekend near her family home which is nowhere near an airport. I'd have to leave the Cyprus wedding early, leaving behind my husband and DS who is 2, and catch a late night flight to London then a lift with a friend the next day to make it. I'm not sure DH can cope with DS alone on a flight either.
She is like a sister to me. We lived together for 4 years before I got married and was my maid of honour. Absolutely went above and beyond when it was my turn. However DHs friend is someone he's known since childhood and he absolutely has to go.

AIBU to honour the initial commitment of going to the Cyprus wedding and miss my friend's wedding entirely?

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 16/02/2020 23:06

Have you booked anything for Cyprus wedding yet? Have couple getting married in Cyprus sent official invitations out yet for a wedding that is more than a year away?

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead · 16/02/2020 23:06

If you told her the dates you weren't available, then I'd assume she didn't want you there or wasn't bothered if you were there or not.

Oakmaiden · 16/02/2020 23:07

How financially committed are you to Cyprus?

Didkdt · 16/02/2020 23:07

Also if your DS is 2 now he will be 31/2 by the weddings a whole different ball game

MarthasGinYard · 16/02/2020 23:09

I would go to my friends.

Leflic · 16/02/2020 23:14

I’d go to my friends wedding. Your DH friend will cope without you and there’s loads of time for them to readjust food numbers etc.

Can’t belive you have a DH that can’t look after their own child for a few hours. It’s a plane, no ones expecting an arts and crafts and baking afternoon.

However I’d keep son with me and drag a family member to the hotel for babysitting duties,

curiousierandcouriser · 16/02/2020 23:15

@YouTubeIsYourMotherNow Another vote for going to separate weddings. I think you will find DH can deal with his child when needed, just as you can. Flights are a bit of a nightmare at that age, so I would consider keeping him home and having a babysitter / family look after him while you went to your friend's wedding.

What did she say when you talked to her? It could be that she simply forgot / overlooked your date when booking hers.

Parky04 · 16/02/2020 23:16

She doesn't sound like a best friend when she has chosen a date when she knew you couldn't make it! I would go to the Cyprus wedding and seek a new best friend.

JustForTheTasteOfIt · 16/02/2020 23:22

Maybe I'm relaxed about stuff like this but if I was one half of the Cyprus wedding couple I'd totally understand if your DH said you're both gutted but your best friend's wedding date has only just been shared and it clashes so DH will of course still go to theirs but you're going to your best mates. I can't imagine having an issue with that, it's perfectly understandable!

Leflic · 16/02/2020 23:24

Wedding dates are set on when the bride and groom can get time off, cist, a chance at decent weather and maybe when family are free. Best friends being busy are way down the line.
Doesn’t mean she doesn’t want Op there ( and is probably assuming she’ll make it a priority over some friends of Ops husband).

Leflic · 16/02/2020 23:25

Cost.not cist

74NewStreet · 16/02/2020 23:27

You told her you were already attending a wedding at that time and she booked hers around then anyway? I’d take it that she’s not too bothered if you can’t make it.

shinyredbus · 16/02/2020 23:30

Of all the dates, she picked the one Saturday she possibly knew you couldn’t attend?! Really! Wow. I am inclined to say go separately. Unless you’re willing to do the late flight.

Jossina · 16/02/2020 23:45

You go to your friends wedding he goes to his. He's your son's dad. He should be able to cope with his own child. If not you have bigger problems that a wedding question.

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 16/02/2020 23:46

Why can’t you each go to your own friend’s weddings?

stellabelle · 16/02/2020 23:47

Your DS will be 3, going on 4, by the time all of this happens. Why not leave him with a family member, and DH goes to the Cyprus wedding and you to your friend's wedding.

LocalHobo · 16/02/2020 23:47

If you have accepted an invitation, you honour that commitment. Your BestF knew you were unavailable for one date in 2021. She went ahead and booked that one date- go figure.

YABvU with I'm not sure DH can cope with DS alone on a flight either. Why on earth could he not?

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2020 23:50

If you have accepted an invitation, you honour that commitment

The dh could still honour that commitment.

In the case of close family or very close friends, I don’t think the “who asked first” rule applies.

74NewStreet · 16/02/2020 23:52

But op made her friend aware the date didn’t work for her before the friend even booked it. She knew, and booked it anyway?

Butterymuffin · 16/02/2020 23:57

Everyone's picking on the best friend's date as the problem, but how about the other wedding being held several hours' flight away? This is what drives me mad about overseas weddings. Now it's being assumed that going to Cyprus is set in stone, whereas I think it's a massive ask of someone anyway.
Go to your friend's wedding. Tell D H it will be him and DS in Cyprus and they'll have a great time. (If he really can't cope with his own child on a flight, I wonder whether he'll decide that the wedding he 'has' to attend is missable after all, but that's down to him.)

poopbear · 16/02/2020 23:57

Normally I’d say the best friend wins but I’m not sure she is a best friend. Have you been asked to be a part of the wedding? If my BM has given me dates of another wedding there is NO WAY I’d have booked my wedding for that same weekend. I don’t think she thinks of you the same way! Unless you are MOH or a bridesmaid then you say “I’m so sorry but we’ve already paid to go to Cyprus over that date so we won’t be able to make your wedding. Please send me the gift list when you’ve got it as we’d still like to buy you something to celebrate”

74NewStreet · 17/02/2020 00:00

Because that’s what the problem is, Butterymuffin? Confused
Op had no issue with the Cyprus wedding or she’d have declined the invitation.

DreemOn · 17/02/2020 00:02

She booked her wedding when she knew you couldn’t attend. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Purpleartichoke · 17/02/2020 00:03

I’d go to the Cyprus. Your friend was aware of the conflict and made her choice.

Nomel · 17/02/2020 00:04

Go to your friends wedding you may regret it if you don’t and the friendship may suffer