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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss my best friend's wedding

196 replies

YouTubeIsYourMotherNow · 16/02/2020 22:17

DH's friends told us months ago that they would be having their wedding in Cyprus on a Friday in June 2021. I told my best friend this in December as soon as I found out the date because she was recently engaged. Now she has booked her wedding for the Saturday of the same weekend near her family home which is nowhere near an airport. I'd have to leave the Cyprus wedding early, leaving behind my husband and DS who is 2, and catch a late night flight to London then a lift with a friend the next day to make it. I'm not sure DH can cope with DS alone on a flight either.
She is like a sister to me. We lived together for 4 years before I got married and was my maid of honour. Absolutely went above and beyond when it was my turn. However DHs friend is someone he's known since childhood and he absolutely has to go.

AIBU to honour the initial commitment of going to the Cyprus wedding and miss my friend's wedding entirely?

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 16/02/2020 22:43

Blimey it's week over a year away. We might all be dead by then!

But failing that, or either wedding being called off, I'd go to separate weddings and leave baby with family.

Ameliablue · 16/02/2020 22:44

She booked the date knowing you had other plans.

Weffiepops · 16/02/2020 22:45

Dh to his friends and you to your friends

MerryMarigold · 16/02/2020 22:45

It is not rude to say my best friend is getting married the same weekend, so sorry, she was my maid of honour etc. Anyone who found that rude would be very odd.

RachelEllenRE · 16/02/2020 22:45

I'd go to the original one as it sounds like you'd planned a holiday around it. I can cope fine with my children alone on a flight but wouldn't like my husband leaving the wedding/holiday early!

ddraigygoch · 16/02/2020 22:46

So out of 365 days in a year for next year she decided to book the threeish days you couldn't be there?

Honestly the first thing I'd be saying to her is wtf?

SlippersAndThePaper · 16/02/2020 22:47

Why on earth did she chose that date knowing you were away?

ShyTown · 16/02/2020 22:49

If you’ve already RSVPed to the Cyprus wedding then you really should honour that commitment. If you’ve just been told it’s those dates but haven’t actually had the invite yet then I’d do your DH goes to Cyprus and you go to your best friend’s. Send your DS to family if that’s an option, if not take him with you as it’s not abroad.

Namelessinseattle · 16/02/2020 22:50

Maybe the bride was working to her schedule, her parents, siblings, aunts, uncle, grandparents and all his side and then realised booking her wedding around other people plans and commitments might actually be mental. So I'd imagine she chose the date the same way every bride does- what suits her best?

InsomCho · 16/02/2020 22:50

I'm assuming since you're saying that you'd have to leave the Cyprus wedding early that you've already committed to going/ booked the holiday. You'd already told your friend that you couldn't make that weekend so, not to be harsh, but she's obviously not too worried about whether or not you attend. Don't back out of a commitment leave a family holiday to attend the wedding of someone who doesn't even care if you're there.

Spotsandstars · 16/02/2020 22:51

Go to Cyprus, you already committed. It would be unfair on your dh to change the goalposts and you gave your friend the heads up on the date. She's maybe not as bothered about you being there.

Drum2018 · 16/02/2020 22:53

I'd just remind her that you are away that week, and therefore won't be able to attend her wedding. It would be madness to even consider trying to fly back in time for her wedding. Either that or your dh goes to Cyprus, you stay and go to her wedding and you find childcare for your ds if neither of you want to bring him to the weddings.

katy1213 · 16/02/2020 22:53

She can't really be expected to arrange her wedding so it doesn't clash with a complete stranger's! Whatever date she chooses, someone will be double-booked for sure.You go to one wedding - let your husband go to the other. And don't take any nonsense about him not being able to cope with his own child; if he can't, it's about time he learned.

tiredsleepysleep · 16/02/2020 22:54

She might be your best friend but are you hers? Because if my best friend had told me they had already arranged to be at a wedding abroad during a specific date period there is not a chance I would book my wedding on that date and risk her not attending.
Obviously she doesn't have to arrange her wedding around you, but the fact that she has booked it knowing you might not be there says a lot about how much she values you being there. Therefore I'd continue with the original plan to go to Cyprus with DH.
What had friend said when you've reminded her that you have already accepted the invitation for the Cyprus wedding?

BackforGood · 16/02/2020 22:54

Had the invitations dropped through the door together, I'd have said to go to one each - you to your friend's and your dh to his friend's but I'm inferring from your op that you've committed to the wedding you were invited to first and you told your friend about the date, on hearing her news, but unfortunatly she has booked it the same time, so, in this case YANBU to stay with what you committed to and let your friend know how sadly, you won't be able to make it.
Trying to make both would be batshit.

SnoozyLou · 16/02/2020 22:57

Have you pointed out the problem to your friend? If you'd already told her you can't do that date, it's unreasonable to expect you to cancel.

Your husband can manage your child without you though.

Do you know what I'd do? Whatever I wanted to do. Not what I felt obliged to do.

LellyMcKelly · 16/02/2020 22:59

You go to your friend’s wedding. No question. Do what you have to do to make it work.

ittakes2 · 16/02/2020 23:00

You committed to a wedding in Cyprus in June 2021 - it’s not like they have paid for your meal or anything extra yet! I am sure they would understand you not wanting to miss your best friend’s wedding.

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2020 23:03

Have you booked anything for the Cyprus wedding? I’m sure DH’s friends would understand him going while you go to your best friend’s wedding.

Ginger1982 · 16/02/2020 23:03

Have you reminded her about the clash? Maybe she doesn't want you there...

Didkdt · 16/02/2020 23:04

What did she say when she announced the date to you?
Has she asked you to be MOH or does she accept you wont be there
Whilst there is no reason why your DH can't have your DS for a few days, why couldn't he come with you?

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2020 23:04

I'm not sure DH can cope with DS alone on a flight either.

Is there some reason why a dad wouldn’t be able to cope with his own child?

Tombakersscarf · 16/02/2020 23:05

Just thinking - has she asked the OP to be her bridesmaid? As that hasn't been mentioned. I think that might make the difference for me.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 16/02/2020 23:06

Your friend knew you had another commitment on that date when she booked her wedding. She doesn’t care if you aren’t there.

Tombakersscarf · 16/02/2020 23:06

Both my dc were still bfed at 2 so while I did get away for the odd night I don't think I'd have fancied sending them off for a weekend to another country either.