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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss my best friend's wedding

196 replies

YouTubeIsYourMotherNow · 16/02/2020 22:17

DH's friends told us months ago that they would be having their wedding in Cyprus on a Friday in June 2021. I told my best friend this in December as soon as I found out the date because she was recently engaged. Now she has booked her wedding for the Saturday of the same weekend near her family home which is nowhere near an airport. I'd have to leave the Cyprus wedding early, leaving behind my husband and DS who is 2, and catch a late night flight to London then a lift with a friend the next day to make it. I'm not sure DH can cope with DS alone on a flight either.
She is like a sister to me. We lived together for 4 years before I got married and was my maid of honour. Absolutely went above and beyond when it was my turn. However DHs friend is someone he's known since childhood and he absolutely has to go.

AIBU to honour the initial commitment of going to the Cyprus wedding and miss my friend's wedding entirely?

OP posts:
zeebeedee · 17/02/2020 16:15

Presumably you haven't booked a hotel etc for Cyprus yet, so if you go to separate weddings and combine the Cyprus one with a holiday you could book dates following the wedding weekend, so you could fly out for a holiday after your friends wedding

Mittens030869 · 17/02/2020 17:08

I'm glad that the OP is ignoring those posters who are trying to provoke her into falling out with her best friend because she made the mistake of booking the same date for her wedding as the friends of the OP's DH in Cyprus. It's not as if the OP's best friend is pressurising the OP to be there; on the contrary, she was very apologetic about the clash of dates.

There's no drama here, just a clash of dates, and no one is upset about it. What a pity for those of you desperate for a soap opera style drama, you'll need to look for another thread for your thrills.

MrsP2015 · 17/02/2020 17:36

Thecats

Unfortunately I'm sorry to say I have seen this happen between my cousins who were the same age and such close friends. Both beautiful young ladies but unfortunately the bride felt her cousin would look better than her. Is a shame as the bride will always be the beauty.

Can't choose your family eh?

Original poster
YouTubeIsYourMotherNow · 17/02/2020 19:46

Mittens030869 - pretty much spot on. There are no villains in this. Just a dilemma based on etiquette and responsibilities.

OP posts:
bluejeanjeannie · 18/02/2020 17:35

My best friend didn't attend my wedding because her current boyfriend made a huge fuss as our best man was her boyfriend before him. I was WTF, but didn't make a fuss.

We are still best friends 30plus years later, both my Ex H and her then boyfriend were 'kicked into touch' many years ago. Just saying that if you are really best friends whatever you do will not affect your relationship.

Suewoo · 18/02/2020 17:40

Sad that your friend chose the date when she knew you were already committed for that weekend. Unnecessary! You have committed to one wedding and i think you should stand by that as it would be rude to drop out. I think it might also cause issues between you and your husband. Some might think your friend did it on purpose??

littlekerry8 · 18/02/2020 17:50

There is nothing and noone I would miss my best friends wedding for. It really depends how close you really are

Mumgonenuts2020 · 18/02/2020 17:50

Yep I agree let DH go on his own, someone look after DC and if your Best friends wedding is only the day, why don’t you and DC fly to Cyprus the next day.. How long are they out there after the wedding?

SweetMarmalade · 18/02/2020 17:51

I find it ridiculous that some posters are stirring up drama, slating the OP’s BF, turning her into some wicked evil Bridezilla!

It’s a simple mix up, bf has been caught up in the miriad of wedding organising and has apologised for forgetting about the text/date. Nothing sinister going on! Hmm

I’d definitely go to BF wedding. Can’t your dc stay with relatives?

Toomuchtrouble4me · 18/02/2020 17:54

I’ve got 4 children and in my e x experience 2yr olds are fine on
Flights. They get your undivided attention for the duration and quote like it!

Flipflopalops · 18/02/2020 17:57

True friends are like hens teeth ! I think you should let your husband go to Cyprus to his friends wedding & your son can be there for your sister friend .....it might not be as apealing as a holiday to cyprus but sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do 🤔

ThatLibraryMiss · 18/02/2020 18:05

I'm not sure DH can cope with DS alone on a flight either.

It looks like a 5½ hour flight. I took three-year-old DD on a ten-hour transatlantic flight, and that was before iPads. You need a bag full of entertainment: pencil and paper, small games, books to read, snacks, drinks (not too much as you don't want to be trotting to the loo every 30 minutes), iPad or whatever you use pre-loaded with games, videos and audiobooks, and some headphones that are comfortable for the child. Is it fun? Not much. Is it doable? Fortunately for DD and me, yes.

OhCaptain · 18/02/2020 18:10

I sincerely hope your dh isn't so useless that he can't keep a child alive on a flight! Wink

Glad you've found a workable solution!

74NewStreet · 18/02/2020 18:13

It’s hardly just the flight, is it? Confused. He’s got to keep him entertained at the wedding as well, it’s not as if a huge bevy of willing hands are meeting him at the other end?

OhCaptain · 18/02/2020 18:14

But the OP seems to think/know she'll be able to keep him entertained at the wedding she's attending...

74NewStreet · 18/02/2020 18:16

Yes, fair enough. I wouldn’t dream of attending a wedding with a 2 year old in tow, but different strokes...

cherish123 · 18/02/2020 18:17

If you can afford it I'd probably go to friend's wedding. Could you miss DH's friend's wedding? Or go to both? You could take DC to both. Why couldn't your DH manage DC on a flight? Unless DC is really badly behaved or DH has mobility issues, I would not see how it would be a problem. I took DC on flights regularly at 2.

OhCaptain · 18/02/2020 18:20

Yes, fair enough. I wouldn’t dream of attending a wedding with a 2 year old in tow, but different strokes...

To be fair, OP only mentioned the flight, too! So maybe the wedding isn't a concern?

Jellyboobs · 18/02/2020 18:20

I missed my friend’s wedding. I’ve regretted it ever since. She’s now divorced and has been with her new boyfriend for years, I still wish so much I’d gone. Please go.

Tommo75 · 18/02/2020 18:20

I think you shouldn't go to separate weddings and your friend should understand. You'd already booked Cyprus. Why should you be parted from dh and ds. I'd make a fuss of her in other ways. If she sees it differently then she's not an understanding friend.

Pritchyx · 18/02/2020 18:21

I’m in the same scenario really; it’s my best friends wedding 20/07/21 which is also the same date as my mums 50th. She’s a very close family friend and being that her mum passed away, she asked my mum to attend; she’s been my best friend for 22 years. Catch 22 is that it’s in the Dominican, I can’t afford to go and neither can my mum plus I have 2 DD and one is still in school that week. It’s going to cost me around £5000, possibly more just to go there for a week AND I have to pay for my dress, shoes, hair and makeup myself too on top of everything else. So I’ve told her if it’s abroad then I financially cannot go and the fact she’s having it on the same day as my mums 50th is also another reason to why I can’t go.

OP, I’d go to your friends wedding and let DH take your DS to Cyprus; or each go to separate weddings and get a relative to have DS? Gives you a little break and you don’t have to be watching constantly for a small child!

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/02/2020 18:23

Seems strange your bf chose the one date you said you couldn’t do

But not a major problem

You both go to your friends weddings by yourselves

Leave ds with someone if possible or take with iou if kids allowed

Assume kids allowed at CYPRUS wedding but it is different abroad in beat looking after toddler alone

Jane1727 · 18/02/2020 19:34

Why is everyone saying your friend did this on purpose. My best friend told me months ago when she is going on holiday. Can I remember the exact dates no! We all have busy lives, I am sure it wasn't done on purpose. When she found the venue and booked I am sure that wasn't at the forefront of her mind. To say she clearly doesn't want you there as some have - really??
OP I would go to separate weddings, you will regret not going to your best friends.

BBOA · 18/02/2020 20:05

Personally I would ask her why she picked that weekend as you thought you'd told her you would be away at a wedding already. Maybe ask her what she suggests you do if you explain the predicament. Maybe she doesn't want you to be her maid of honour or something 🤔

Rachel709 · 18/02/2020 20:08

Has she forgotten your date?