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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

999 replies

clairindespair · 14/01/2020 09:12

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

OP posts:
Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 14/01/2020 09:15

Oh you poor thing.

Is there anyone you can talk to about this like a health visitor or other professional? Others will doubtless be along with better suggestions but Flowers for you.

Original poster
clairindespair · 14/01/2020 09:16

No I haven’t got anyone. Health visitor is unhelpful and not easy to talk to and she dismisses everything

OP posts:
labazsisgoingmad · 14/01/2020 09:16

so sorry you feel like this i am sure you must be exhausted maybe this unhappiness transfers to the baby. have you spoken to your health visitor about this? they should be able to suggest ways to help you.
a lot of people on her say about Homestart who may be able to help you i am sure someone will come on to tell you more about them
sending you love and hugs

Original poster
clairindespair · 14/01/2020 09:17

hugs love and Flowers back to you both x

OP posts:
GaaaaarlicBread · 14/01/2020 09:18

Do you think you may have PND? Have you got parents to talk to ?

ChocolateCoins19 · 14/01/2020 09:18

Are you entitled to healthy start vouchers?
Can you nap when he naps..I've been doing that as dd has become an awful sleeper at nr 2yrs. So today she'll. Nap and so will i

halfgirlhalfturnip · 14/01/2020 09:18

Can you say geographically where you are so we can try to offer support or suggest services for you?

BendyLikeBeckham · 14/01/2020 09:18

You must talk to your health visitor about this. They can help. You might have PND, or just need someone to talk to, a referral to a food bank (no shame in that). Can you get to your local Childrens Centre? Most run a new mums club just to meet others and share experiences and support each other.

The early days are hard, and even more difficult with money worries and no sleep. Sod the cleaning, just do what you need to to get through each day. 'All fed and none dead' is a good mantra in hard times.

Also consider if your baby has reflux or silent reflux, cows milk protein allergy is another cause of unexplained screaming. Go to the GP and don't let them fob you off with 'it is just colic'. Ask them to refer you to a paediatrician and to prescribe an anti allergy formula, it might make all the difference and it is worth a try. And is free.

This period will pass though. I promise.

steff13 · 14/01/2020 09:19

Can you claim child support (I think you call it something different there)? Do you have a friend who would sit with the baby while you get some rest?

Wingedserpentfliesbynight · 14/01/2020 09:19

Do you have anyone in RL you can talk to? Friend? Mum? Family?
Babies don't really do much until about 6 weeks or so, I remember when my LO looked at me properly and smiled at 6/7 weeks and it was such a relief. I also has CS and a cluster feeder.
Could you take baby out in a sling? Anyone to help you get the pram down? A neighbour? Fresh air will do wonders.
Now's the time to ask for help.
Try to catch up on sleep in the day when he sleeps. Even short naps will help.
Don't worry about a messy house ( unless that's bothering you) ours was a mess for the first couple of months.
Can anyone pop round to see you? Help tidy? MAke you a cup of tea?

MollyButton · 14/01/2020 09:20

I'd say go to your GP - if the HV is useless. You could well have PND.
And Homestart may well be able to help. If not try CAB who may be able to signpost you somewhere to get help at least financially.

BendyLikeBeckham · 14/01/2020 09:20

I've just seen your update about the HV. Ask to see a different one in the team. It is your right.

Childrens Centre and Homestart are good places to get help too

Wingedserpentfliesbynight · 14/01/2020 09:21

This time WILL pass, but you should ask for help now. Sleep deprivation is the worst.
You need to speak to the HV, you need some support and that's what they are there for - you at least need access to a food bank if you're that short on money. You need to look after yourself.

Original poster
clairindespair · 14/01/2020 09:22

I don’t speak to my mum due to an abusive childhood and my dad passed away 6 years ago. I’m claiming child benefit but it hasn’t backdated yet. I can’t get a food bank referral as I’m not on benefits, no chance of milk tokens for that reason. I wanted to BF but my milk ducts are not fully formed so I can’t Do it

OP posts:
Elletine · 14/01/2020 09:22

I can remember the days of pouring everything I had into a screaming pit of a baby that gave nothing back. That was the hardest bit for me by miles.

Can you access any support through your uni? GP?

Hugs for you @clairindespair. I know it will sound like no help at all but in a couple of weeks it will be easier, and then easier still, and when he smiles you'll feel joy and then it's a huge upward curve. Good luck x

Wingedserpentfliesbynight · 14/01/2020 09:23

Does your GP have a midwife service? She'll be able to let you know what services are available.
What saved me was getting out and walking around the local park every morning even though it took forever to get us ready and was a massive effort due to CS. I just walked really slowly and baby napped usually.

TriangleBingoBongo · 14/01/2020 09:23

Talk to your HV and also could you borrow a sling? So you don’t need to mess about with your pram and it also might help him settle being worn, even around your home.

Original poster
clairindespair · 14/01/2020 09:24

Geographically I’m in Manchester. I’ve honestly thought of referring myself to social services and getting him removed from my care because I cannot cope I feel like absolute shit 24/7. He’s weed in his nappy and I am dreading changing him cos of the screaming. He just eats and falls asleep there’s absolutely no interaction at all. I can’t cope like this anymore

OP posts:
Rumnraisin · 14/01/2020 09:25

Sorry if missed something but why aren’t you receiving benefits? X

Orangeblossom78 · 14/01/2020 09:25

Check out you are getting all the benefits you qualify for as well, it is a worry about the milk, do they give it at food banks?

Original poster
clairindespair · 14/01/2020 09:25

I’m a student and not entitled to benefits x

OP posts:
BendyLikeBeckham · 14/01/2020 09:25

that's a good idea. Your Uni will have an emergency hardship fund. If you are a current student you can apply via the Student Support Team or whatever your Uni calls it there. There are forms to fill in so give them a call today.

And aren't food banks for those with low incomes, not just on benefits? Get the HV to refer you anyway.

Sunshinegirl82 · 14/01/2020 09:25

Are you sure you are claiming everything you're entitled to? It might be worth speaking to Citizen's Advice to check. Are you receiving financial support from the father?

Please do call your health visitor team and tell them you're struggling. Say you didn't get on with the HV they've assigned and to send someone else. Their job is to support you in circumstances like these.

Orangeblossom78 · 14/01/2020 09:26

Social services are not only about taking babies away but also about support. You might get a child in need referral possibly

Wingedserpentfliesbynight · 14/01/2020 09:26

If you contact a food bank and tell the your situation they WILL help you. It's why they are there. They know that not everyone can or has the time to go through formalities to access them.
Tell us what city/town you're in and a guarantee that these lovely Mumsnetters will send you links, numbers and suggestions...

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