He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

[clairindespair]

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

I just hate all this. I keep seeing the ward where I had him and I wish I was back in there now giving birth to him. The last time I was in hospital was for a good thing. Not this shit.

I hope your little one will soon recover now he's on antibiotics, but you seem to have bonded with him in the last couple of days. It must help also that you are now able to bid for a home for both of you. Removing the anxiety of homelessness will help you.

Are you feeling a bit better in yourself, it might do you good to go and have a shower and get some sleep. Good luck, you've had a rotten time since little Jack arrived

Ask if they have a parents room? There was one at our hosp so u got a break but didn’t need to go far? Although tbh ur wee one is so little he won’t notice too much of ur not there for a couple hours, x

Babies often get worse before they get better. Don't worry the oxygen will help keep him safe and it sounds like they are keeping a close eye with blood gases and checks. They may want him completely off oxygen for a good while maybe a few hours or even a day ( hospitals are all different) with good sats and acceptable feeding. He will get there just give him time. You don't want to leave too early to then go back again.

If it will help leave for a short while pick somethings up from home, have a shower and freshen up then go back. They won't judge you they will understand how hard it is especially on your own with very little support! Take some food too if you have any. Snacks will do. You need to keep energy up too.

I've followed your post and think you are amazing and much stronger than you know!

Hi OP, I only started reading your thread today so ended up just reading your replies. What has struck me is the change in your posts from the despair you emanated at the beginning to the concern you now feel for your little boy since he's been in hospital. I believe in fate and think that your son being hospitalised has bought out the maternal feelings in you that had been suppressed by the overwhelming enormity of what you were facing. I think you are doing a brilliant job and I have nothing but admiration for you and wish you and your little boy all the best for the future.

They keep mentioning worst case scenarios and he’s in the right place I’m so fucking worried

He's in the best place OP, they wouldn't be telling you to go home if they had any concerns. Definitely go back and get some sleep so you can be on best form for him tomorrow. Everything is so much harder to deal with when you're exhausted. Honestly OP, get some sleep 💐

Offering a virtual handhold Clair xxx

It's so worrying when they're ill isn't it? What have the hospital said to you exactly? Are they keeping you informed? Is there anyone who can come be with you? I know your friends are miles away but would one of them be able to come be with you, given you're in the hospital, so keep you company and help you not be driven wild with worry?

I know the OP should probably go home, but I know I couldn't. Probably not helpful! OP is there anywhere you can get your head down at the hospital? Is there chair you can doze in on the ward?

Have you eaten yet OP? Please try to eat something, even if it's just a chocolate bar from one of the machines and a cup of tea.

OP just to warn you this thread is nearly full so it would probably be a good idea for you to start a new thread. You could post the link here and then everyone who wants to carry on following and supporting you can do so x

I was in hospital recently with my DD when she was just 2 weeks old, it's horrible. However it is the best place for a tiny baby as they can go downhill quickly so professional observation is the best thing. I'm sure your DS will have a quick recovery, try to rest as much as you can, you're doing so well so keep looking after yourself

Sending you good positive vibes, OP. Hope you manage to catch some sleep tonight. Can your mum come to the hospital and relieve you for a bit so you can pop home?

Clairindispair- I've been following this thread since you posted and I have to say I'm so proud of you darling. You've changed so much for the better in such a short space of time. Your earlier posts - the fact you came on hear to talk proves you do you care for your baby and it's a sure sign of a wonderful mummy you are and going to be. Just reading the changes in your posts are so heart warming. Your little boy is in the best place right now and I know it's hard but please try not to worry he's going to be ok! I've wanted to PM you offering you my support but I guessed you would've have lots of messages already! However, PLEASE feel free to PM me anytime, maybe we could WhatsApp or something? I don't live near you but I'm happy to be on the other end of the phone :)
Keep going girl! You've got this mummy thing down!!

It sounds like he’s in the right place. Is there anyone who can sit with him for a while? I know your mum helped out but sorry, I’ve not read through everything.
Take care.

Hoping everything is o.k as well

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3802057-5-weeks-old-bronchiolitis