He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

[clairindespair]

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

Whereabouts are you?
My first was much the same, looking back I had PND. Please look for help locally if you can. It's hard, it sucks and it feels like a pit of zombies draining you into it. It does get better.

Is there a carrier or wrap that would work after having a c section? I haven't had one so I'm reluctant to recommend types that could leave you in discomfort or anything.
If you could use one then getting out would be much simpler and he might even enjoy being in a wrap close to you and settle down. Even if it enables you to do a slow walk around the block at least its a bit of fresh air and daylight.
I would ask for a different health visitor or try to make a GP appointment. You do need some support and you're entitled to ask for someone different if your current HV isn't helping.

I cannot get access to benefits due to being a full time student and I am not entitled to tokens or food bank voucher because I am not on benefits

Are there any of these baby banks near you? They can be a great source of advice and help as well as practical things.
Other places to try are Mu and Baby groups, your MP or Counsellor's surgery.
I would definitely talk to your GP - if you physically can't breast feed then it is crucial you get formula. Even the dreaded SS should help, as you are doing brilliantly just need support and someone to help with discretionary funding to make ends meet (at least temporarily).

He just eats and falls asleep there’s absolutely no interaction at all.

Unfortunately that's how babies are at that age.

You are sounding really desperate and down, OP. Please go to your GP today (tell them it is an urgent appointment you need) and pour your heart out to them. You need help and you must start somewhere.

I'm in Manchester feel free to pm me if you want some help and a friendly ear.

It's not easy. the first few weeks. It does get easier I promise. Please ask someone for financial help. Have you anyone that can take him for a while so you can catch up on sleep. As a new mom hormones are all over the place , sleep deprivation is torture not to mind doing it all alone. Leave the house go. Hes only very tiny and you are all he has in the world.

But there are people who aren't on benefits have had to use food banks at some point. Ask your HV for a referral or speak to the receptionist at your doctors surgery.

OP, there’s got to be SOMEONE that can at least help you re the financial side of things. You have a newborn baby and zero money. That isn’t right and you need to contact CAB or go to your GP. Book an appointment and go and tell your GP everything. Surely they can’t leave a new mother with a 4 week old baby without any money?!

I have no advice re the screaming etc as I’m not a mum. But perhaps a GP visit to check he doesn’t have a milk allergy as suggested above.

I know things must seem so shit right now, but they can only get better. But you NEED to be shouting from the rooftops at local charities/ authorities for some money/ access to a food bank. It’s disgusting that they’ve said you’re not entitled...wtf?!

If you’re on Facebook I’d post on your local FB Pages and ask whether there is a community fridge anywhere. We have one in our local area and the local community and supermarket donate loads of food and drink there each day and it’s open from 4-8pm each day for people in need to go and collect from. It’s in the local community centre, there must be something like that near you. Search locally.

Big hugs to you

You need to speak to someone. A professional, not Mumsnet. Get to your GP at least, get some support. You're just under a lot of pressure right now and it sounds like you have ppd.
Don't be embarrassed or ashamed.

I’m at my GPS at 3:40

How old are you OP if you don’t mind me asking ? A new baby is a hell of a lot to cope with entirely on your own with no support and no money. I was a single parent but nearly 40, plenty of money and lots os support and even that nearly killed me! Your circumstances sound very tough. So please give yourself a break - you need help. Go to the GP and ask for help. It’s wrong that someone in your position has been offered no support and no financial aid.

This does get better I promise but you need to ask for help.

I’m 21

good that you've got a GP appt. A great first step well done

Newborn stage is tough for everyone even with support. You should speak to your health visitor to see if they can advise any local agencies that could provide some practical help (e.g. home start) Local charities could provide help with formula until your loan is sorted. I know of 2 local charities to me that provide help (formula, nappies, clothing) with referral from health visitors. I also know some food banks have nappies and formula.

Might also be worth a visit to your doctor to check you are not suffering from PND. It is a tough time getting used to a baby but it does get better. He is still a bit young to smile but he should soon. I found it easier as my son got older and more responsive.

Do you have a sling? I used one I got in the baby box (I live in Scotland) until my son was almost one. It made leaving out top floor flat much easier and my hands were free. If you do not have a sling and wanted to try one I could post you the one I had (if you want it you could pm me your address). It is a fabric one and I found it fairly easy to use after watching some online guidance.

It is easy to get isolated with a young baby. My health visitor gave me a list of places I could go to meet other mums and some were free. Even inviting a friend for a chat or a call to a friend could help.

Sorry you feel like this, it does get easier.

You poor love. I wish I could give you a hug and let the baby yell on me while you sleep. Please keep posting on here. There are brilliant women on here who can guide you. Well done on the drs appointment- even making that call takes courage.

This sounds really overwhelming, OP.

First, the no smiling. It might be another couple of weeks until you see a smile. That's perfectly normal. Most babies don't smile until the 5-6 week mark and yes, it can feel really unrewarding until that point.

Second, the screaming. If it really is all the time he's awake, then there may be an issue that a doctor needs to take a look at. Both my babies had reflux and the crying would begin immediately after a feed until they slept. It was awful and I also had a DH who could help me too. Please make an appointment at the GP for this. And while you're waiting, since the baby is FF, do you have a friend or relative who could hold him for an hour, or longer? Just some time for you to have a bath and feel a bit more human again.

The first weeks and months of parenthood are a rollercoaster ride and it sounds like you need some looking after yourself. Please reach out to someone you know, and if it's too overwhelming I can't stress enough that you should see the GP for yourself. There's no shame in having PND. Many of the mums I thought were invincible were battling it too.

Just saw you have an appointment with the GP, that's great. I felt a bit like this at that stage but its so bad because you have no support and anyone would struggle. Have you contacted the student loan company to ask why there has been a problem with your money?

At that age there is no interaction or reaction but soon there will be and he will smile

I agree re the formula the screaming and grunting could be reflux or intolerance/allergy

Tbh I think even if not on benefits the hv can give food bank vouchers and children’s centres can help with formula where we are they do it’s at the hv discretion so ask again or at the gp

You’re probably utterly exhausted so sleeping is your priority when baby sleeps if you can.

As a side note I do feel this situation is an example of why the formula industry needs an overhaul. They are overpriced and the companies spend so much on advertising they could cut that out and reduce the cost
There are some cheaper one Sainsbury s or Aldi and sma do a cheaper one too

Go to your GP as soon as possible. Tell them exactly how you feel, and ask them to check your baby over as well. There could be something wrong thats making him cry, other than him just being a baby.
Food banks are not just for people on benefits, so ask for a referral. Some food banks don't even need a referral, you can just walk in. Try asking at your local church and library, they should be able to help you.
I agree about seeing if you can get hold of a sling. Some babies really respond well to being carried in a sling. Also, have a look on you tube for tutorials on swaddling, this can help babies feel more settled and sleep better.

So sorry you’re going through this, glad you’re going to GP

manchestercentral.foodbank.org.uk/get-help/foodbank-vouchers/

this doesn't mention a requirement to be on benefits, only that the referring agency must verify you are in crisis

I'm almost certain that a health visitor and GP can refer to a foodbank even if you're not on benefits.

Food banks themselves are good at helping you access support. Can you contact your local foodbank and see what they say?

Oh you poor thing, I have a 5 week old and i'm finding it hard with DP so I can only imagine how difficult it must be to have DC by yourself. Could you get a carrier to make it easier to get out and about? I recently bought one for when DP is at work and it makes things so much easier.

Maybe try a bit of a routine on a night? We do a bath, bottle and bed every night now and DD is starting to sleep a bit better but we had hours of crying previously through the night so I know how draining it can be.

If you're overwhelmed, put him down somewhere he's safe and take some time for yourself. Crying won't harm him and when you're feeling calmer, revisit and try and soothe him?

Sorry if i'm being unhelpful, just trying to think of suggestions that you could start doing sooner rather than later!