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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Copy of wedding picture

278 replies

Nai89 · 13/01/2020 04:38

Hi All.
So I attended my first cousins wedding summer last year {2019}. I'd recently just had a baby too but attended as it was the first wedding where a bride was joining the family.

Anyway so in the last month I asked for a copy of a wedding picture taken professionally (Grooms maternal side). I thought it was great to have an image of my nan, my own uncles, aunts, 1st cousins etc. Everyone in this photo is a close relative plus the fact me, my husband and 3 children are in this photo.

To my dismay I was point blank refused. I was told they're 'private pictures' and that I should respect the grooms wishes (my first cousin). AIBU for asking for a copy? I find it deeply disturbing that no one else in the picture is objecting to me to having a copy but the fact my children are in this image and they won't share it with me.

My eldest son is 7, daughter 5 and newborn. There are other children in this photo too. I am actually livid how they can refuse this, I find it disturbing to the point im not sleeping today. Why won't a 23 Yr old newly married man share a professional group photo of his maternal side??

OP posts:
stellabelle · 13/01/2020 05:07

Why don't you just ask your cousin to get you a copy ? I can fully understand why the photographer won't just give you one - your cousin owns the photos , you can't just order one for yourself. Ask your cousin and you'll get your picture.

Betterbegoing · 13/01/2020 05:08

To the point you’re not sleeping? Ffs get a grip. It’s a bit strange, but maybe it’s something to do with the rights to the photos? Or maybe he’s just not bothered about doing you a favour. It’s really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things... disappointing, sure, but disturbing? Come on now.

Betterbegoing · 13/01/2020 05:10

Oh, wait, you asked the photographer? That’s weird if so. They have a contract with your cousin and can’t just hand out photos to random people who ask.

LellyMcKelly · 13/01/2020 05:15

Who is refusing you? If it’s the photographer then fair enough, you’re not his client. If it’s your cousin then perhaps he has his own reasons. Either way, you have no automatic rights over the photograph. You may want to ask your cousin and offer to pay for the photo. They can cost around £20 each so if everyone was asking for the photo the cost can quickly get out of control. .

Spam88 · 13/01/2020 05:19

Why on earth would you find it disturbing..?

It's odd if your cousin won't let you have a copy, but losing sleep over it is a massive over reaction...

lunar1 · 13/01/2020 05:22

Your reaction is pretty extreme. It's disappointing but hardly disturbing.

Honeyroar · 13/01/2020 05:25

Oh I misunderstood when I ticked Yanbu. I thought you’d asked the bride and groom and they’d said no. If it’s the photographer then it makes sense.

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 13/01/2020 05:33

The only time the photographer can provide you with the photo is when they are uploaded to the order section of their website and your cousin has provided the login details to access the folder. If you approach them direct they will always refuse as you are not the client. This is my dh rule and all the professional photographers we know follow this too.

If you approached your cousin, that's odd.

WelshMammaofaSlovak · 13/01/2020 05:33

It's weird that your cousin won't let you buy the picture but it's also weird that you seem so angry and are losing sleep. Also, you seem to be insinuating that there are moral reasons that you should have this picture related to your children being in the image (there aren't) and that your cousin has really dodgy motives for not wanting to share images with children in - is this what you are suggesting? If it is you are being vv unreasonable and worse.

You posed in the photos knowing that they are for someone else and I can understand why someone might not want to give their image to someone else knowing that it means that they can then do anything they like with this wedding photo - people are now starting to protect their digital privacy a lot more and this may just be related to that.

charlestonchaplin · 13/01/2020 05:37

No one knows who was asked! It’s amazing how any little bit of speculation becomes the Gospel truth around here. This is how rumours start!

It isn’t unreasonable for you to ask the bride and groom for a copy of the photo, OP, but you have no right to a copy of it. The fact that your children are in the photo doesn’t give you any right to expect a copy. Why should it? You gave permission for your children to feature in photos that were never meant to be for you in the first place. You just have to accept their position but you’ll stand a better chance of convincing them to give you a copy if you drop the rights angle.

charlestonchaplin · 13/01/2020 05:38

Cross-posted with WelshMamma who has covered most of my points.

Rtmhwales · 13/01/2020 05:40

She's asked her cousin, the groom, for a photo and he's said no.. as far as I understand it.

My SIL was like this.. no idea why. None of us could see the photos, they were slowly dripped one at a time onto social media. It's been a couple years and she still posts a new one every month or so. People are weird.

Thinkingaboutsummer2020 · 13/01/2020 05:47

I’m a bit on the fence - I’ve never heard of someone else having copies of photos of a wedding that wasn’t theirs, I have seen photo books that have been made for the bride & grooms parents.

I personally wouldn’t have a problem with it but that is his choice, they paid for those photos so they decide who gets copies.

Sofast · 13/01/2020 05:49

If you asked your cousin then yanbu. My sil was is so bloody weird about her wedding photos. She put a few on Facebook and said we could copy them from there but she knows they haven't printed in the same quality. Shes got a lovely photo of dh, dd and me, just the 3 of us but wont let us have it Angry

After I did my thank you cards I just handed the memory stick around family and let them print what they wanted. My sil maintains she (her parents) paid for the photographer so they are her pictures but my theory is I paid a lot of money for these pics and it's better to get more use out of them

lostsoulsunited · 13/01/2020 05:51

I'm a self employed photographer, I'd refuse as well as I'd want your cousin to agree as he is the client. I'd have no idea if you were somebody authorised to have the photo and so I wouldn't be prepared to sell it to you,

I'm not sure why you are disturbed by this, it's perfectly standard.

Sunsetsandmoons · 13/01/2020 05:54

When my cousin got married we could order photos from a website but that was some time after.

vivacian · 13/01/2020 06:12

Perhaps they've fallen out with the photographer and don't want to deal with them again? Perhaps they've already done two photo orders, plus an extra one for the bride's granddad's wife, and just can't be doing with it any more? Perhaps they feel a bit used? Perhaps he's just not inclined to do a cousin a favour? Perhaps they feel it was their wedding, their photographer and are a bit territorial about it all?

Branster · 13/01/2020 06:19

Is your cousin a member of the royal family? That would explain it.
Just ask another member of the family for a copy. If it’s a digital copy you can print your own, if it’s an actual photograph you can scan and print your own copy.
It’s their photograph, up to them if they want to share it or not, maybe they are being over precious about it or want you to pay for your own copy.

TSSDNCOP · 13/01/2020 06:23

Is it possible there is a fee involved that he cannot afford, or he’s got copies for other people who then won’t pay-these shots are quite expensive ? Or that he’s had a disagreement with the photographer?

OhMeows · 13/01/2020 06:23

Deeply disturbing? Hmm

KC225 · 13/01/2020 06:28

Seems a bit churlish of them to refuse, are you close in general. Could you aunt/uncle a word.

Bibijayne · 13/01/2020 06:33

Did you offer to cover the cost of the picture? Or just ask for it?

lostsoulsunited · 13/01/2020 06:36

If you scan and print it you are stealing from the photographer who owns the copyright. If they bought a digital copy you might not be as they usually come with permission to reprint,

FramingDevice · 13/01/2020 06:43

Well, you sound quite mad, and as though you have anger issues, so maybe your cousin thinks you’ll use the photo as a dartboard?

NoBlueXmasLightsAllowed · 13/01/2020 06:44

Who did you ask? It's not clear in your op.

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