Copy of wedding picture

[Nai89]

Hi All.
So I attended my first cousins wedding summer last year {2019}. I'd recently just had a baby too but attended as it was the first wedding where a bride was joining the family.

Anyway so in the last month I asked for a copy of a wedding picture taken professionally (Grooms maternal side). I thought it was great to have an image of my nan, my own uncles, aunts, 1st cousins etc. Everyone in this photo is a close relative plus the fact me, my husband and 3 children are in this photo.

To my dismay I was point blank refused. I was told they're 'private pictures' and that I should respect the grooms wishes (my first cousin). AIBU for asking for a copy? I find it deeply disturbing that no one else in the picture is objecting to me to having a copy but the fact my children are in this image and they won't share it with me.

My eldest son is 7, daughter 5 and newborn. There are other children in this photo too. I am actually livid how they can refuse this, I find it disturbing to the point im not sleeping today. Why won't a 23 Yr old newly married man share a professional group photo of his maternal side??

They're being mean. I don't understand their attitude at all.

You cousin is an absolute fucking weirdo. No idea how they function in standard society

FaveNumberIs2

So you don't think they are just being precious and awkward. If they have on a stick it is not major task to email a copy over. I just think they are being spiteful. Then I am lovely and would think it was a nice gesture.

FFS

I thought it was normal for all guests to receive the access code for the professional photos from the bride and groom so you can look at the photos and order/pay for any prints you would like for yourself. Your cousins reaction sounds very strange.

I agree. I wonder if they've fallen out with the photographer or failed to pay them. Or maybe they just don't know how it usually works.

favouritenumber you are a moron who cannot read.

Ffs

I understand why you want the photo, and I understand why you are upset that you can’t have it. But I think being so upset that you can’t sleep is over the top.

I also think it’s a bit odd that you would ask your aunt for your cousins photos instead of reaching out to him yourself. For someone who said you were close to I’m confused as to why you didn’t have his number yourself.

By stating how old he has it sounds as though you were looking down on him for getting married so young and foolishly

Where are you OP ?

I think, I could be wrong, weddings I've attended, the photographer takes photos, then you get a password for the viewing, if you wanted a photo, you contacted the photographer saying, 'Photo 44 in 8x10 please.'

Went to a wedding before Christmas, the photo of our family was emailed with no watermarks etc.

It does seem really odd, as I thought the password access to a link was the norm. You dealt with the photographer not the newly married couple.

If, as you say, your aunt has form for not giving but expecting others to give to her, I'd think either she's passed that onto her children or she's told your cousin not to give out the photos as they're just for their family.

It's very disappointing that they won't hand over the picture. I get that it's nice to have one of all the generations together and ridiculous to think that people will come from all over the country for a photo shoot when there's one already taken!

I'm not sure I'd make any effort with that side of the family going forward. Okay to be pleasant but wouldn't put myself out for them.

@Nai89 Hi op, I’m sorry this thread has gone the way all threads like this seem to do these days on mumsnet.

It used to be a place for sensible advice and support but these days a thread like yours gets pounced on by posters who tell everyone who comes across as kind and sensitive as being unreasonable.

Answers are posted along the lines if, get over it, everyone in life can behave as they want, it’s their right. You should have no expectations of other people to be nice, kind etc. No-one should have emotions, certainly nit hurt emotions and as for being so sensitive and hurt that these thoughts go round in your head and keep you awake. Well OMG what sort of a person are you, you must need help, you must think yourself special to have right to being hurt god forbid.

By the time sensible people arrive in the thread you have been given a bashing and a further twist of the knife by all the hard nosed posters on here that just like to lay into people on here and attack anyone for having feelings that are affected by others.

We as human beings are social animals, we interact with others and our thoughts and feelings are affected by others, by the words and actions, this is quite normal,

Of course you are not being unreasonable asking for and expecting to be able to purchase a photo from your cousins wedding. Your cousin is being mean and Hurtful and rude not replying to you. whatever their reason (all this crap about copyright, bad photos etc, is bollocks) they are being selfish, uncaring shits and you have every right to be very hurt.

This is the sort of ‘out of the blue’ unpleasant behaviour from a friend or relative, showing a total lack of respect to your feelings that would blindside me and yes my god keep me awake.things that have hurt or upset you in the day, going round in your head that night is quite normal so ignore the other jockeys on here. I continue to be upset and shocked by the behaviour of others, even after 50 years on this planet.

I think the people on here who are so quick to get the knifes out on others are seeking to deflect their own unhappiness, attacking others must somehow make them feel better. Either that or there are more hard and uncaring people out there than I realised. On here you have to be as hard as nails, not give a shit about the way others treat you, smile through it all and usually the advice is to be grateful. I’m surprised no-one has yet said you should be grateful to have been invited to the wedding and stop moaning. Oh unless of course it was your MIL who denied you a photo and then of course you would all the support in the world.

@scubadive Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.

Best wishes to All

@FramingDevice actually spat my coffee! exactly what i was thinking!

I think I would find it weird and disturbing. Why does he say you can't have a copy?What is the reason? Is he on the run from MI5? I mean ffs!They MUST have a reason. Can't you ask? I would.

PS sorry some answered like complete mind- numbed wodgets.

Oh wow, I've just come back to this thread, I'm so sorry you've had some of the replies you've had @Nai89 this is mental. Your cousin is unfair (I initially answered saying that if you'd gone to the photographer they couldn't without premission, but it's odd if you'd asked cousin and said no as I couldn't tell from the first post who you asked) You are allowed to be hurt, your feelings are yours. I hope he decides to let you have a copy of the picture.

I don't think YABU.

I do think your family are being weird and selfish.

As others have said, do they HAVE to give you a pic? No. But why not? It's a family photo and you offered to pay.

This is a control issue. Draw a line under it and move on. Karma is a strange and wonderful thing.... the next time you're at a family function with them make sure you take a really nice photo of them together on your phone, show them how nice it is and promise to send it and then don't.

When they ask for it tell them no and ask them to respect your wishes.

I am that petty.

Wow! How absolutely ridiculous that they won’t share the photo. I would be really bothered by that too and get why you’re upset. Surely they would understand how sentimental a picture of all the family together would be particularly if you don’t all gather together often.
My family have their nuances but would all love to share memories like that.
I almost wonder if you can insist since you’re in the picture you must have some rights to the image? Maybe ask the photographer? Or see if there was a link to order digital images as I know my photographer did that

@MargotB7

I've never known anyone from a wedding party, bride/groom/parents, (and I've worked for photographers in the past) give up copies of "official" wedding photos to anyone who asked, except one friend of mine, but she arranged a wedding photographer who had a team of three who took the pics, printed 5x8 size card-framed copies there which were then displayed on a large table for guests to collect throughout the evening.

@MargotB7 even if they were in the pic.

If I were op, I'd be tempted to take my own pics at future events, or ask a passing stranger/guest to take it, and then keep that to herself.

I've never known anyone from a wedding party, bride/groom/parents, (and I've worked for photographers in the past) give up copies of "official" wedding photos to anyone who asked

It's really quite common. And photographers all work in different ways. Our fee for ours covered all the photo taking, the creation of a printed album and all photos on a CD. So our photographer would have no idea who we then chose to share copies with

I’m guessing the bride or groom doesn’t like how they look in the photo.

I cant believe the responses you’re getting here berating you.

You went to a family wedding you were invited to and were in a HUGE family picture that no one reasonable would have also asked to have a phone photo of at the time; you’ve asked for one copy of one picture that your family are in and have been refused. That’s totally bizarre.

The fact it’s kept you up isn’t unreasonable. If I was on good terms with my family and attended a happy event and a big picture was taken and then I was 1. Refused to see it 2. Ignored - I would be very confused. The confusion would play on my mind especially with lack of sleep and a newborn. I would get angry thinking about it all and how utterly bizarre it all is.

So no - YNBU.

Why have they done this? The only time I’ve known this to happen was when the bride wasn’t happy with the pictures. I was bridesmaid at a wedding about 10’years ago and have never seen ANY pictures. The bride has body image issues and hated every photo and she was in them all. I know this and so never asked for a copy but I’m sure if I had asked she would have refused on the grounds that she felt she looked terrible.

There has to be an explanation for this. As the explanation isn’t being shared then maybe they had an issue they feel embarrassed about. Who knows? But I very very much doubt this is personal against you. Something else is probably at work here and will one day come out.

I would move on but totally acknowledge why you’re upset.

The point is too, that photos can get damaged or lost and it's good to spread them around the family. So many floods these days. And computers can crash losing everything! Can't see why they won't let you have a copy. Bit weird in my opinion. But families can be!

YABU until you have actually asked your cousin directly about this and made sure that he knows you have offered to pay for the photo.

At the moment you are only assuming that your aunt has told him anything. And as other people have mentioned you might be the latest in a long line of people asking for copies of photos - depending on their deal with the photographer they might not have bought access to all themselves or they might have to pay for copies and can't afford to do it for everyone.

Text him a specific message - Cousin, I'd like to pay for a copy of one of your wedding photos - the one with all our side of the family. Is that possible?

At that point, if he says no, or ignores you then you have your answer and you may have to live with never knowing exactly why. (although I suspect like others that it will be something to do with how the pics turned out)