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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Copy of wedding picture

278 replies

Nai89 · 13/01/2020 04:38

Hi All.
So I attended my first cousins wedding summer last year {2019}. I'd recently just had a baby too but attended as it was the first wedding where a bride was joining the family.

Anyway so in the last month I asked for a copy of a wedding picture taken professionally (Grooms maternal side). I thought it was great to have an image of my nan, my own uncles, aunts, 1st cousins etc. Everyone in this photo is a close relative plus the fact me, my husband and 3 children are in this photo.

To my dismay I was point blank refused. I was told they're 'private pictures' and that I should respect the grooms wishes (my first cousin). AIBU for asking for a copy? I find it deeply disturbing that no one else in the picture is objecting to me to having a copy but the fact my children are in this image and they won't share it with me.

My eldest son is 7, daughter 5 and newborn. There are other children in this photo too. I am actually livid how they can refuse this, I find it disturbing to the point im not sleeping today. Why won't a 23 Yr old newly married man share a professional group photo of his maternal side??

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/01/2020 08:48

@Ginfordinner because it's someone else's staged wedding photo. It just feels strange to me.

Smelborp · 13/01/2020 08:49

He is being VU but there’s not much you can do about it sadly.

Smelborp · 13/01/2020 08:50

Giverherhell: OP said it wasn’t a staged photo and even if it was, it’s of her, her children and immediate family. It could really be more personal to her.

Smelborp · 13/01/2020 08:50

couldn’t

Figgygal · 13/01/2020 08:53

What is the reason for saying no I don’t understand it’s a picture of you with your family

You’re reaction is a bit over the top though but think you’ve got that now

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 13/01/2020 08:53

because it's someone else's staged wedding photo. It just feels strange to me.

Gosh you’d think I was totally bonkers then, I have framed group pictures from each of my parents’ and siblings’ weddings on my mantelpiece!

myohmywhatawonderfulday · 13/01/2020 08:53

He is being really odd and YANBU. It hurts because the hope is that within families we share things and this is the opposite. Its controlling and weird. Now you know...you are warned now for when the worst of family members really come out - inheritance time.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/01/2020 08:54

I don't understand this at all. What is your relationship like with them?

Can you get your parent to ask - it's his/her sister? This is your Aunt - is there some family rift?

No one says no for NO reason Confused

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/01/2020 09:02

@Smelborp I read it as it being one of the pre-arranged professional photos, so bride and groom plus his side of the family.

If that's not the case I take back everything I said.

Coughsyrupsucks · 13/01/2020 09:02

It’s a bit weird they are point blank refusing. Loads of my family wanted group shots from our wedding. Big family, not often in the same place. I’m glad we did the photos now because within 5 years of our wedding the entire older generation of Aunts and Uncles has passed away.

Maybe they haven’t paid the extra to print the photos or pass them on. The photographer would have copyright I believe?? Could be wrong? But couldn’t they just tell you that?

Ask around and see if anyone else took photos at the same time? Someone might have one?

GemmeFatale · 13/01/2020 09:03

Even if you purchase a digital package you don’t get every photo the photographer has taken. You’ll usually end up with 10-30 edited images selected by the bride and groom. Entirely possible the image you want wasn’t selected.

If this is a photo you’d like why not arrange a family photoshoot?

DappledThings · 13/01/2020 09:06

I read it as it being one of the pre-arranged professional photos, so bride and groom plus his side of the family.

I think that is what it is. But even so that still makes it a family photo at an occasion where there are probably people together who aren't usually all together and all dressed up. I don't get what is weird at all about someone who is in that photo wanting a copy.

diddl · 13/01/2020 09:08

How strange!

People who wanted to looked at our wedding album & made a note if they wanted any pics & we asked the photographer to do it.

eaglejulesk · 13/01/2020 09:09

What is wrong with the stupid man? He sounds very precious. I've never heard of a newly married couple not letting friends or relations have a copy of a photo, especially if they are in it. Weird behaviour, and selfish too in my opinion.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/01/2020 09:11

@DappledThings it doesn't matter that you don't find it weird. I find it weird and, as I said before, we're allowed different opinions Smile

I think it's because it's their cousins wedding.
I'd never display a photo of my brothers wedding because I thinks it's his special day, not mine to show off, if that makes any sense (which it probably doesn't).

Original poster
Nai89 · 13/01/2020 09:11

My cousin and I, as children spent most of our summers in my grandparents house. Naturally as we've gotten older with studies and work we don't keep in touch. My aunt is just one of them ones that expects everything from everyone but gives nothing. I have asked 90% of the relatives in the photo if they mind I asked for it, they said ofcourse not and if I happened to get a copy they would want one too. However everyone is scared of asking anything from my aunt because she's abit of a tw*t really.

Having said that, I've never had issues. When I asked her first she said no, they're private. So I gave my reasons for asking, that it won't be shared and that if she could pass me his number I'd like to ask him why. She then kindly said "I will take to him don't worry and get back to you (this was 2st week of Dec)

I found it strange he would refuse me as me and my sister openly shared our wedding photos with our close relatives . Plus I've been to other weddings prior, friends and family who have also shared on social media or sent images Privately if we are in them. Let's just say because our family ties were close I expected the same, how wrong was I..

The bride and groom have social media and have put their single wedding images for the world to see.

I obtained my cousins number (this weekend) , I called twice no answer and then sent a text to say please call me when you have a moment but he hasn't done so.

Sometimes when things upset me it does play on my mind, and naturally that can keep you up. We were so close growing up that I would have thought a family photo of us all would be something he'd share.
As they didn't give me a valid reason for refusal, this post and comments have given me some possible answers and made me think of reasons from another angle, at the same time it has also reassured me that I haven't been unreasonable to ask. I've put it to bed as your input has all helped.

OP posts:
lisasimpsonssaxophone · 13/01/2020 09:14

I'd never display a photo of my brothers wedding because I thinks it's his special day, not mine to show off, if that makes any sense (which it probably doesn't).

My siblings have all given me framed copies of one of their wedding photos (with all of us in) which I love having on display! Each to their own though.

Wheresthebeach · 13/01/2020 09:16

That's just weird OP and a shame.

But as others have said you'll just have to leave it. Its them, not you.

Original poster
Nai89 · 13/01/2020 09:19

And to this day I haven't got anyone's wedding pictures on my social media, I always ask if I can take a photo of people and if I were to share anything anyway I always ask.

I didnt want a photo for social media.
It's a precious photo in my eyes because it has my nan, all her children and grandchildren. With work commitments its very rare we are all together. That's all I wanted it for. So these comments about get a photoshoot done professionally etc clearly don't come from a large family so it's besides the point and it also isn't about money. Just to point out we're all dotted around the UK so again it's not easy.

OP posts:
lostsoulsunited · 13/01/2020 09:22

. If it’s expired, take a photo of the photo with your mobile and then have it printed.
if OP does that then it's theft,

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/01/2020 09:23

@Nai89 just to clarify, he hasn't actually said no, your aunt has?

My family is bloody huge and I suggested a photoshoot.
If you're worried about not getting another photo like it, could you start organising an annual get together and take a picture each year?

Rezie · 13/01/2020 09:25

Yea, it's very weird to be so protective over wedding pictures. I'd imagine sharing a pic like that with people involved would be nice for the couple.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 13/01/2020 09:30

I dont think YABU to be a bit upset. People arent going to travel around the country for a family photoshoot just because you want one.

If you think the aunt is a bit of a twat I'd ask your cousin again or see if you could get his wife's contact details.

You could always contact the photographer direct as well, I thought it was their picture as they took it and own the copyright

SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/01/2020 09:34

YANBU for asking - but if they say "No" there's nothing you can do.

I wouldn't sweat it, personally.

Fancynancy01 · 13/01/2020 09:35

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz wow your respouse is utterly disgusting, bet your friends don't come to you for opinions