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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Copy of wedding picture

278 replies

Nai89 · 13/01/2020 04:38

Hi All.
So I attended my first cousins wedding summer last year {2019}. I'd recently just had a baby too but attended as it was the first wedding where a bride was joining the family.

Anyway so in the last month I asked for a copy of a wedding picture taken professionally (Grooms maternal side). I thought it was great to have an image of my nan, my own uncles, aunts, 1st cousins etc. Everyone in this photo is a close relative plus the fact me, my husband and 3 children are in this photo.

To my dismay I was point blank refused. I was told they're 'private pictures' and that I should respect the grooms wishes (my first cousin). AIBU for asking for a copy? I find it deeply disturbing that no one else in the picture is objecting to me to having a copy but the fact my children are in this image and they won't share it with me.

My eldest son is 7, daughter 5 and newborn. There are other children in this photo too. I am actually livid how they can refuse this, I find it disturbing to the point im not sleeping today. Why won't a 23 Yr old newly married man share a professional group photo of his maternal side??

OP posts:
nespressowoo · 13/01/2020 06:46

If this is the only thing you have to worry about, you are very lucky. It's not your picture. Biscuit

PureAlchemy · 13/01/2020 06:50

It’s a bit odd of your cousin to not let you have a copy of the photo (I presume you offered to cover any costs involved?).

But if it’s the photographer you asked rather than your cousin, I can understand the photographer refusing to provide a copy without your cousin’s (the photographer’s client) consent.

Original poster
Nai89 · 13/01/2020 07:00

Sorry just to make it clear I asked my cousin!! He said no. Not the photographer

OP posts:
SuperMeerkat · 13/01/2020 07:03

They are being very precious but I guess this is a special time for them and it’s very much ‘us against the world’. In a while he’ll come to his senses and you can have your picture then.

OhMeows · 13/01/2020 07:04

Did you offer to pay for it? It probably cost them upwards of £1500 for the photographer.

LoisLittsLover · 13/01/2020 07:05

Maybe it wasn't 1 of the pictures that the couple selected to have printed and as such can't givr you a copy but are embarrassed to say

academicallyblonde · 13/01/2020 07:05

YANBU to want a copy of the photo. YABU to be so upset that you can’t sleep.

Inforthelonghaul · 13/01/2020 07:06

It’s probably because the photographer was expensive and they just don’t see why they should provide you with a freebie family portrait tbh. It’s not lovely but I guess I can kind of understand it.

Original poster
Nai89 · 13/01/2020 07:06

@FramingDevice I asked for a copy of the picture, picture of the picture, digital copy or whatever. I simply wanted it for the sake of the entire family being on there, not to put on social media etc. I have asked my cousin and his mum my aunt but they said no.. Sorry New on here not sure how to edit posts etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Nai89 · 13/01/2020 07:08

They haven't got images printed but they do have it on a stick. Nothing to do with costs, they just said no

OP posts:
Plumbus · 13/01/2020 07:09

YANBU to ask for a copy.

YABU with your reaction:
I find it disturbing to the point im not sleeping today.

DappledThings · 13/01/2020 07:10

They are being very precious and silly. I can see why it's annoying and disappointing but not why it's disturbing or keeping you awake.

milienhaus · 13/01/2020 07:10

Any chance you’ve offended / annoyed them recently?

CatsGoPurrrr · 13/01/2020 07:10

Maybe they think you’re being cheeky. It was your cousins wedding, but you’ve not asked for a copy of a wedding photo, but a posed one of your close family. You want to take advantage of the fact they booked and paid for a photographer to get a professional shot for free!

slipperywhensparticus · 13/01/2020 07:11

I can understand how a small thing can get built up in your mind

FredaFox · 13/01/2020 07:13

While it’s unusual they said no, they must have their reasons but you are overreacting if you aren’t sleeping about it. You asked they said no, moan about it all you like but get over it

Loveislandaddict · 13/01/2020 07:13

I’m wondering why you have waited until now for the photo, several months on. Why didn’t you ask at the time, or get a friend to take a photo of the group with your camera..

funmummy48 · 13/01/2020 07:15

I wouldn’t lose sleep over it but your request isn’t unreasonable.

Original poster
Nai89 · 13/01/2020 07:16

@CatsGoPurrrr I have asked for a group family photo on my maternal side which has my grandma, uncles, aunt, parents, siblings and 2st cousins. Its not a posed photo of just me a my family!

OP posts:
showmewhatyougot · 13/01/2020 07:17

I'm pregnant and even I'm finding your emotional response very OTT.

It's a shame, but they are their wedding photos. Maybe they don't want to share something they paid a lot of money for, which is selfish obviously but at the end of the day it is their possession and can do what they like. You have no right because you turned up. Also maybe they don't want them all over social media etc, so would rather keep them private then risk it.

AdoreTheBeach · 13/01/2020 07:18

I’ve been to a number of weddings over the years. Well before digital cameras, social media, email, websites etc. Photo proofs used to be shared about in the family and friends with family and friends asking (snd often paying) for copies of photos.

In the digital age, the web link of the photographers page for the wedding photos would be shared by bride:groom with the password. Friends and family who received this information could order (and pay)) for whatever photos they liked.

I’ll also add, that’s for weddings both in my home country and UK. Including my 100% british DN wedding this past spring, who also gave FIL a small album of family photos taken at the wedding (which I thought was lovely).

YANBU to want a copy of the photo. It’s a fairly normal thing

YABU to be upset to the point of not sleeping. Ask bride/groom for link to order. If it’s expired, take a photo of the photo with your mobile and then have it printed.

Original poster
Nai89 · 13/01/2020 07:20

@Loveislandaddict as I said in my post I had a newborn with me, i didnt think to ask anyone at the wedding because previous weddings pictures have always been shared. And it was a spur of the moment to ask all family members together that I didn't think. I came on here to simply know if I was overreacting with the request. The lack of sleep is due to having again a newborn! And the fact because I'd asked recently to allow time to get images sent over to them. It's only been about 5 months since the wedding.

OP posts:
PianoTuner567 · 13/01/2020 07:22

What reason did they give for saying no?

Original poster
Nai89 · 13/01/2020 07:23

@showmewhatyougot lol goodluck with your pregnancy. Ive said about no social media posts because I wanted it for keepsake. Gosh maybe I need to be clearer on my post but I can't edit it. My nan has been poorly, the fact she attended the wedding was a biggie so it was more of a memory to have a photo that's all. And because newborn stage goes so quick I wnated to have the entire family pic. You think that's OTT? Wait til your bundle arrives, you might think differently then.

OP posts:
demelza82 · 13/01/2020 07:25

YANBU. Various members of my family ordered and paid for their own individual prints via my photographer (after the photographer cleared it with us first) and I can't see any reason why I would have prevented that. It wouldnt have entered my head to day no. Your cousin is being precious but unfortunately I can't see what you can do about it.