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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Copy of wedding picture

278 replies

Nai89 · 13/01/2020 04:38

Hi All.
So I attended my first cousins wedding summer last year {2019}. I'd recently just had a baby too but attended as it was the first wedding where a bride was joining the family.

Anyway so in the last month I asked for a copy of a wedding picture taken professionally (Grooms maternal side). I thought it was great to have an image of my nan, my own uncles, aunts, 1st cousins etc. Everyone in this photo is a close relative plus the fact me, my husband and 3 children are in this photo.

To my dismay I was point blank refused. I was told they're 'private pictures' and that I should respect the grooms wishes (my first cousin). AIBU for asking for a copy? I find it deeply disturbing that no one else in the picture is objecting to me to having a copy but the fact my children are in this image and they won't share it with me.

My eldest son is 7, daughter 5 and newborn. There are other children in this photo too. I am actually livid how they can refuse this, I find it disturbing to the point im not sleeping today. Why won't a 23 Yr old newly married man share a professional group photo of his maternal side??

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/01/2020 07:26

I think YABU. I think it's weird that you want a picture of a wedding that isn't yours.

If you want a family photo shoot, pay for one.

NotYourHun · 13/01/2020 07:29

YANBU to ask for a copy and your cousin is being weird saying no BUT YABU to overreact like this.

Clangus00 · 13/01/2020 07:30

I think you’re being very OTT in your reaction.
You asked, he said no. They’re his (and his wife’s). Tough, basically.

Original poster
Nai89 · 13/01/2020 07:32

@PianoTuner567 no reason. They have just said no. When I asked for an explanation, they just said respect our wishes. So... I have no option but to let it go. Thanks anyway everyone

OP posts:
PurpleFlower1983 · 13/01/2020 07:34

YANBU. Have they shared the pictures anywhere else? Maybe they were rubbish and they were embarrassed by them!

RunForBurritos · 13/01/2020 07:36

Wow you are being given a hard time here.
I would be hurt by this.
I know he doesn't have to give you a photo. No one has to ever do anything nice, technically.
But yes it is upsetting that a family member should refuse something like this.
You were part of a happy family occasion, it is bound to be sentimental.
To then be told that you can't have a copy of that keepsake must feel a bit like a kick in the teeth. I can't imagine anyone in my family behaving like this.
They are being weird AF.

Aragog · 13/01/2020 07:38

It's definitely strange that your cousin is being like that, especially as he has digital copies.

At ever wedding we've been to in recent years we have automatically been sent copies of the ones which feature us by the bride and groom. Didn't even need to ask.

RunForBurritos · 13/01/2020 07:42

But hey, according to MN you are unreasonable to have strong feelings about this Confused
How close are you to your cousin?
I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to get in touch after this. Especially since they won't even tell you why.
Again, they don't owe you a photo, they don't owe you a justification, but not do you owe them to pretend that you are fine with this.

showmewhatyougot · 13/01/2020 07:42

Thank you! this is not my first child though, so Already know about crazy! Wink

But honestly it is weird they won't share. Maybe get someone else to ask a reason x

The OTT was the whole I'm not sleeping because of it, not the actual request itself.

ofay · 13/01/2020 07:42

Who's being the odd one here, him or his new wife? Does he have form?

RunForBurritos · 13/01/2020 07:43

Nor

vivacian · 13/01/2020 07:43

I came on here to simply know if I was overreacting with the request.

I don’t think you are at all. I do think your reaction to being told ‘no’ is an overreaction. What does it mean to y

JellyfishandShells · 13/01/2020 07:43

What peculiar behaviour by the groom. There must be more to it.

With weddings we have been to recently, where a professional photographer has been involved, those attending have later been offered a password link to a website, from which you can either order prints ( fee) or download to print yourself (free) The photographer isn’t making the bulk of their money from the prints and the attendant paraphernalia like expensive albums but from an upfront fee for attendance for much of the day for taking mainly relaxed reportage style photos and some more formal ones.

Is it a more old fashioned style photographer, just lining up everyone for variations of big groups, and making their money out of the prints and the books ?

Still don’t see why you are being denied the opportunity to at least purchase a print of your family that you are in - you’re not a random request,

MelroseHigginbottom · 13/01/2020 07:44

Your cousin and his family are unreasonable and sound nuts. Ignore all the miserable posters on here OP there's no need for some of these types of responses you've received. I'd be pissed if I were you too.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 13/01/2020 07:44

It was very odd and precious of them to say no to your request. They are the odd ones. Not you in that regard. Very often wedding guests get a chance to buy copies at their own expense.

I think your reaction is a little bit over the top. But we are all different. I can understand you being disappointed.

mummyway · 13/01/2020 07:44

His wedding pictures are his property and if he doesn't share them there is nothing to be done. Lots of people don't share their professional photos, it's nothing to get so worked up about

vivacian · 13/01/2020 07:44

...you to be to

Original poster
Nai89 · 13/01/2020 07:44

@Aragog exactly how we have behaved. That's why I was up I guess with the shock of it all (plus an unsettled baby) @RunForBurritos everything you have said is on point. Thank you both

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/01/2020 07:45

Your request was fine. Them declining your request was fine.

Your reaction to it is absoloutley not fine and if you are disturbed and not able to sleep because of it then I'd suggest a counsellor.

vivacian · 13/01/2020 07:46

(Sorry, my phone s possesse!).

peachgreen · 13/01/2020 07:46

One of them hates the photos.

RunForBurritos · 13/01/2020 07:49

Bernadette you are being ridiculous.
Suggesting counselling because someone is very upset about a family member is being an arse to them?
I find your post lacking in empathy , but I won't be stupid enough to suggest counselling on the basis on that post alone.

Generally speaking I don't get the whole " it's not okay to not be okay " attitude.
I thought in this day and age we had moved beyond that sort of crappy, unhelpful advice.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/01/2020 07:49

Ignore all the miserable posters on here

Ah yes - ignore everyone who doesn't agree with you because one persons opinion proves everyone else is wrong

Lweji · 13/01/2020 07:50

Since when are group photos in weddings personal?

I'd be very tempted to demand that in that case any photo that included me was deleted.

Tombliwho · 13/01/2020 07:50

Was about to say what peachgreen said.