This is racist aibu to dump

[Shinnoo]

We are both white.

Bf described an annoying customer to me as an 'angry little Indian man'.

When I said that is totally unacceptable, he said well he was angry and he was of South Indian descent so what I supposed to say?

And I was like errr if you're going to use diminutive , negative words before an ethnic description that is racism and is totally unacceptable to me.

He said i always have to watch my ps and qs with you

Wtaf??

If it doesn't sit well with you, then you have every right to end the relationship.

Some ppl have a habit of describing situations that involve others using ethnicity as descriptions.

It probably wasn’t even accurate: the man could have been British, Pakistani, Afghani, Middle Eastern, Bangladeshi, Thai, Malay, Sri Lankan, South American etc etc for all he knows. Not all short brown men are Indian. Dump and run

@SandyY2K - India is a country not an ethnicity

His ethnicity had nothing to do with anything. Yanbu.

You have very strict standards, fair enough. But I think you might be looking forward to a lonely old age.

YANBU not racist is a minimum standard, not a strict one

I think it's unacceptable.

If my old age is lonely and has an absence of racism, so be it

Some ppl have a habit of describing situations that involve others using ethnicity as descriptions.

Yes, and like many habits, it's extremely unappealing...

I'm irish if I heard someone say the same sentence using Irish instead of Indian.. Id think nothing of it. The man was from India..?? What if the man was a really nice Irish/Indian customer, can we not say so? World's gone mad

Dump him.

Happy to be known as the angry Indian woman! What else could I be

Fucking hell, imagine thinking not being racist is a strict standard.

Op I would feel exactly the same as you. This thread is going to bring out the dog-whistle and blatant racists of MN though.

Of course it’s racist. Even if he actually was Indian, what relevance was it to anything? Would he have referred to someone as an angry little English man? Of course he wouldn’t.

@GrumpyHoonMain

@SandyY2K - India is a country not an ethnicity hmm

Well done you. Top marks.

Oh and ‘always have to watch my Ps and Qs with you’ means he objects to you pulling him up on his racist comments.

I'm constantly having to tell DH to call individuals fucking wankers and not fucking wankers. I started out on the same page as him but realised over time it was not acceptable and stopped doing it. Sadly he hasn't. It's infuriating for both of us

..... By which I mean YANBU to consider dumping his arse!

I fail to see how this is racist.

Like s previous poster said, if you used the word Irish (or French or German) it would be unlikely that you'd be accused of an "ism" . Under theses circumstances I'd see it as a word that helps give a fuller picture of the person you're describing.

Now, if he'd said..... I hate Indians...they're all tossers, for example, that is definitely not ok at all and is wrong on every level.

But if you're not happy with what he said OP, then you'd be better finding someone more aligned to your thinking of comments like this could eat away at your relationship.

Preparing to be flamed!

I don’t think I could find someone attractive if they thought this kind of thing was acceptable. He sounds like a bit of a twat tbh OP. Well done for calling him out on it anyway.

And I’m really surprised so many people fail to see how his comment was pejorative. I mean what did the man’s ethnicity have to do with the fact he was angry, FFS?!

Surely saying he was an angry little Indian man is no different to saying somebody is a happy, tall German woman. It's being descriptive not racist

it's just as well this has come out now.
follow your instincts, they are your preservation, survival instinct.
you don't have to justify it, to yourself, or him. just leave calmly.
although I think it is perfectly justifiable, by the way, but that is secondary really. the main point is that it jarred with you.
you cannot live with someone whose words behaviour causes this reaction.
no need to discuss it further with him, don't try to change or challenge him. don't share your feelings with people you are moving away from. just move away. you are not compatible.
move on up.

Goodness, don't ever go to India or the Phillipines! People are described by their ethnicity, body weight, wealth and any cupboard skeletons that can be dragged out. The first thing you are asked a zillion times a day is where are you from. I sometimes wonder how people who move to the UK from these countries manage and don't get arrested for their opinions and driving in the first week

Hilarious Onion . Me too!

Calling indians angry is racist.

Using descriptors of people is not.

I do not think his comment was racist.

First, he used no slur like “bastard” or “dickface” etc combining those with a nationality or race would be racist.

He used only descriptive words “little” and “angry” which can logically have been true of a person so there is no insult there based on race. It is purely a description of the person and their bad behaviour.

Yes, he didn’t have to say “Indian” but neither did he have to say “man” if he were talking about Indian men in general , then it would be both racist and sexist. But he was referring to one person and an actual event.