This is racist aibu to dump

[Shinnoo]

We are both white.

Bf described an annoying customer to me as an 'angry little Indian man'.

When I said that is totally unacceptable, he said well he was angry and he was of South Indian descent so what I supposed to say?

And I was like errr if you're going to use diminutive , negative words before an ethnic description that is racism and is totally unacceptable to me.

He said i always have to watch my ps and qs with you

Wtaf??

He could have described him by his hair colour, or the clothes he was wearing.

People generally only use skin colour or where a person is from when they’re not white.

That’s why it’s racist.

@PlanDeRaccordement I didn’t realise the words Brit or Aussie had been used for decades in a derogatory manner. I am a Brit, I’m yet to be called a dirty Brit, Brit bastard, Brit scum, Brit darkie or Brit animal. But if you replace the word Brit with Paki I have been called all of them.

So if you think Brit and Aussie are equal to Paki then surely you would be happy to call someone a Paki at work, in front of family and around the general public, or announce you’re going to the Paki shop?

! I never really use race to describe someone. I will just say 'this lady today was nice to me in the shop' or 'this idiot cut me off at the junction today!'. I would only really use race if I was being interviewed by the police for an exact description of a person

The reminds me of a conversation with my (black) dp recently where he was laughing about the long winded lengths people will got to to avoid to avoid saying the word black or mentioning race when trying to describe someone to him.

Was the other person
Small
Angry
Indian
Is it not just a description?

I would say it was racist and easy to slip into that language because in the past it was unnoticed. You only have to look at old TV prog's on the repeat channels or TV ads to see the language and views of the time reflected and how revolting they frequently are ... no doubt still funny and comforting to some, reassured by an unchanging view of the world.

Important to remember it is how the thing is interpreted/perceived by the target, not the person who said it ... so often we are looking the wrong way thru the telescope.

I managed to change my partner from saying "I hate all XXX" to "I hate that xxx" as it was more specific to the person who had been rude or done whatever. He now acknowledges that there are good and bad in every group, though some of the people he has met have been XXX Travel has had a major impact on him ... however, he does still find "On the Buses" funny which I find puerile.

Depends what he’s usually like. Did the man in question speak with an Indian accent? (ie he may have really been Indian or at least born in India) Or did he just “look” Indian but was actually as British as everyone in the country. That could be a serious consideration. It’s not an ideal way to refer to the man but is not necessarily meant with any racist intent. Or maybe it was. You know your BF, we don’t!

Dear me the current search for ‘racism’ in everything is tedious. Let’s hope it goes out of fashion soon

Context is everything, really. We’ve all been brought up around the existence of racism and prejudice - it seeps into everyone; some people a great deal and others just a smidgen. Some are good at hiding it, others are not and are even proud of it. The question for me would be not so much did he make one slightly racist utterance, but does he think any form of racism is acceptable/desirable? You know that, we don’t.

@JenniferM1989
I've never met an angry Chinese person either.
Never been to China then? Lol. Or turned on the news the past year!?

Interesting as I was just watching a video of a talk by a female elite athlete. She says she is a “proud Indian” “strong Indian” “determined Indian woman” so it’s ok for her to describe herself that way but if I (as a non Indian) had described this video to my friends and said I’d just watched a video of a strong Indian athlete (even though she’s described herself that way) then that would be racist? I think we all need to give our PC heads a wobble. Surely it’s about intention. Was he merely describing in a non angry tone of voice or was he being derogatory?

I personally think you’re being over sensitive and looking for reasons to dump him

@fit4more would you say a strong white woman?

“
The reminds me of a conversation with my (black) dp recently where he was laughing about the long winded lengths people will got to to avoid to avoid saying the word black or mentioning race when trying to describe someone to him.“

Yay! Does he collect gollywogs, too? Please tell me he does, then I can tick two boxes!

@SoVeryLost did you mean to tag me because nothing you've said matches anything I've said.
Please don't try and manipulate what I've said to fit your agenda.

Well if there was an angry guy and he had a French accent I might say "there was an angry little French man", and he could be white or black, so that wouldn't be racist per se.

@MustardScreams

Maybe she wouldn't, but in their example being Indian was a key part of the athletes identity, they were proud of it, why not mention it?

Also, do people really think people of other races don't refer to white people as "that angry old white man" etc, because I'm pretty sure they do.

But surely this isn't the same as saying 'angry little white man' that lots of people are saying would be an unlikely descriptor. The equivalent would be angry little Scottish man, angry little American, angry little Italian which I can't imagine having the same reaction. If he'd used a derogatory word it would have been totally unacceptable of course but if the man was small, angry and Indian I couldn't get her up about it any more than someone describing me and a medium angry Scots woman

I agree with this.

"white man" and "Indian man" are not opposites. You can be a white Indian, if you live and grew up in India.

people generally only use skin colour or where a person is from when they’re not white.

Not true. If I heard a Russian accent I would likely say "this Russian I saw today blah blah", or if someone had an Eastern European accent then I would likely say "This E. E woman went crazy at this man in the street...", but then again these aren't races and all could be white or black.

The reminds me of a conversation with my (black) dp recently where he was laughing about the long winded lengths people will got to to avoid to avoid saying the word black or mentioning race when trying to describe someone to him.

Yay! Does he collect gollywogs, too? Please tell me he does, then I can tick two boxes!

If this is him “minding his Ps and Qs” he may be hiding other crappy prejudices and attitudes!

Dump.

Interesting as I was just watching a video of a talk by a female elite athlete. She says she is a “proud Indian” “strong Indian” “determined Indian woman” so it’s ok for her to describe herself that way but if I (as a non Indian) had described this video to my friends and said I’d just watched a video of a strong Indian athlete (even though she’s described herself that way) then that would be racist?

You must be being disingenuous - you cannot possible fail to see the distinction between “strong Indian woman” and “angry little Indian man”.

@GiveHerHellFromUs

^I don't think it was racist either.
Unless he changed his tone when he said 'Indian' to use it as a discriminatory term.

He was just describing him to you.

If the customer had been an obnoxious middle aged white man, he'd probably have told you he was white.^

So you didn’t post the above? You are excusing it because you think a white person would be described as such. As others have pointed out this wouldn’t be the case.

When I worked at a corporate firm in central London my best friend at work was originally from Ghana, so a black woman.

One day I came down to find her for lunch and she wasn't in her office. We had a new temp receptionist who I went to ask if she'd seen my friend.

I started to ask if she'd seen X.
She didn't know any names, 'what does she look like?'

The receptionist was black too and I found myself totally unable to say 'she's the black one' in case she found it racist.

'She's a lawyer. Dark hair, brown eyes, pretty, about my height, wears suits, funny laugh, ummmm...'

She gave me some serious side-eye. 'You mean the black one?'

My friend found it hilarious and since she regularly refers to the 'loud Scottish lady' or the 'French man with the odd hair' genuinely can't understand why liberal white people tie themselves into such knots to avoid using a descriptive word in an innocent setting.