This is racist aibu to dump

[Shinnoo]

We are both white.

Bf described an annoying customer to me as an 'angry little Indian man'.

When I said that is totally unacceptable, he said well he was angry and he was of South Indian descent so what I supposed to say?

And I was like errr if you're going to use diminutive , negative words before an ethnic description that is racism and is totally unacceptable to me.

He said i always have to watch my ps and qs with you

Wtaf??

I wouldnt see that as racist. I say that as someone with mixed races kids and a black dh. I'm white btw. Would it be racist if a black man described me as a angry english lady? Not in my eyes.
Honestly the world has gone mad

I think it's to do with accents, not race. So ifs white person had a non-Brit accent thru would be described by wherever the accent was placed, e.g. Irish, Spanish, Lithuanian

I agree with this. I'm Welsh and have been called a Welsh woman plenty of times, sometimes insulting and sometimes not. I wouldn't find it insulting to be called an angry Welsh woman because I am!

Also, whilst I agree that people don't tend to say Angry Brit or Angry English person I would say that's because we would use more regional descriptors based on accents ie Angry Scouse Woman, Angry Brummie Woman, Angry Geordie Woman etc

@birdshit so you wouldn’t get upset if someone called your kids “those angry mixed kids” instead of “those angry kids” ?

You would be ok with your kids being singled out and treated as different purely because of the colour of their skin?

Victims of or witnesses to crime describing someone’s looks or accent is completely different to everyday situations, where these things are irrelevant.

As PPs say, OP’s boyfriend wouldn’t have said “angry lwhite man”, unless perhaps he didn’t think the man’s accent wasn’t British in which case he might have guessed and mentioned nationality, which would also have displayed prejudice.

It happens all the time, in newspapers too.

A family member does it about gay people.

So what is BF allowed to call an annoying person of non-white origin?
Or can only white people be talked about?

Seriously?

How about “annoying person”?

Why not just call them an annoying man. Why is his race relevant to the complaint?

It isn’t.

So it is racist IMO

If he said an angry man walked in your assume that her was white/ English

What you mean is that you just assume people are white British by default. Doesn’t mean everyone does and where ethnicity is irrelevant (as it is here) there’s no reason to mention it unless you’re making a point that non-white people are angry and/or little in general.

So should he have said “angry person” ? I mean, we can go on all day about this

Yep- racist in my view. I’d be ditching him quick.

@VenusTiger yes.

@Lizzie0869 not necessarily- little is used as a derogatory description as in “you stupid little twat” “annoying little runt” etc. most people use “little” to belittle the person they are verbally attacking.

Please be aware that real racism does exist, look at the football, where a particular country England were playing were doing monkey chants. This is what we need to be disgusted about and doing something about. My partner is very proud and accepts no racism, however he does not look for things to be offended by. I think things the OP writes about trivialises racism.

Hmm. I think it's a good thing that we (as a society) think about and discuss "small" scenarios now. If we just put a really low bar in place - ie assuming that as long as you're not chucking bananas on the football pitch or screaming "Fuck off home Paki" at brown people in the street then everything is great and racism has been banished from the kingdom- and don't re-examine it then we can never progress. Why should we measure ourselves against societies that (generally) think its OK to do monkey chants? Why shouldn't we hold ourselves to a higher standard?
It's also possible to care about and discuss two "levels" of severity of racism at the same time just like it would be OK to discuss why the descriptor "silly wee bitch" is sexist whilst also discussing female deaths due to male violence.
There's an element of broken window theory to discussing the "trivial" as well.

@Havaina
“He probably wants to say 'angry little paki'. I would dump amd run.”

This is why taking advice from AIBU is generally a bad idea, people with nothing better to do and axes to grind/mad at the world/projecting invent little (oops can I say “little”?) scenarios in their head based up the briefest of knowledge of the situation and try to convince you to dump your partner/move house/quit your job/eat a badger with no consequence to themselves.

@overnightangel

Well considering OP says ‘He is often casually racist as are his family. Eye rolls about perceived black male aggression in clubs. Frequent use of 'little" when that is not factually the case. It's a demeaning descriptor steeped in centuries of racist discourse to describe people who have been oppressed and colonised.’, then I stand by what he said. ‘Angry little Indian man’ was what he felt he could say because he knew he wouldn’t get away with ‘angry little Paki’.

I may have just laughed out loud at "Eat a badger", thanks overnightangel :)

@Quineothebroch But if the person calling you and "angry little Scottish woman" was from an allegedly more historically oppressed group would it make any difference?

No, it wouldn't make any difference who said it. I wouldn't care. I don't really take offense at much though. If someone had come out with "You Scots are.....(very offensive term) then I guess it would be reasonable for a person to get annoyed. Although I wouldn't. But "Scottish" as a descriptive term? Absolutely no offense would be taken whatsoever. I also don't consider myself, nor Scots in general, oppressed in any way, shape or form.

@VenusTiger

Yes, exactly, it's a way of belittling a person. And according to the OP, it's how he always talks about people from other ethnic groups. It's hard to imagine another reason for him to constantly belittle people from other ethnic groups, other than because he's a racist.

Unless he speaks in a derogatory way about other people too. Which would make him a highly unpleasant person to say the least.

I think things the OP writes about trivialises racism.

Non-white people experience these apparently “trivial” instances of racism on a daily basis, multiple times a day. It’s not trivial. Of course blatant racism must be dealt with, but inherent racism and the resulting smaller issues are still very important.

@Shinnoo Yeah I would re the angry little Scottish woman, considering the centuries of oppression that the Scots have endured by the English, as well as the obviously sexist nature of that description.

How is calling a woman a woman sexist? Sorry, I genuinely don't understand. If I were a man and he referred to me as a man, would that be sexist?

Also in regards to the oppression thing...that is ancient history. It can't be brought up constantly, a line needs to be drawn under it. Yes us Scots did face oppression from the English centuries ago. But it has absolutely notnhing to do with English people living today. Should we go as far as other nations have, demanding modern day apologies and compensation because of atrocities committed hundreds of years ago? I can't even believe the whole Scottish/English thing is even brought up nowadays, other than in a history class.

I would say that this relationship is only going to cause you more and more angst....run, run while you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When people have a habit of using racial or skin colour descriptors when not relevant or necessary, although factual, it usually betrays further underlying racist views.
And given OPs updates, I think it's clear.
I would dump him.

How is calling a woman a woman sexist?

If a man at work called you an "angry little woman" it would be sexist.

On its own its just a stupid comment that people might make when they are anygry. However the fact that he made a comment about "always having to mind his P's and Q's suggest it is a pattern of behaviour and I would give him a wide birth

“ How is calling a woman a woman sexist? Sorry, I genuinely don't understand.“

You can’t wake someone who’s pretending to be asleep.

How is calling a woman a woman sexist?

Spot the difference:
I met a woman today.
I met a stupid little woman today.

One is descriptive.
One is misogynistic.