This is racist aibu to dump

[Shinnoo]

We are both white.

Bf described an annoying customer to me as an 'angry little Indian man'.

When I said that is totally unacceptable, he said well he was angry and he was of South Indian descent so what I supposed to say?

And I was like errr if you're going to use diminutive , negative words before an ethnic description that is racism and is totally unacceptable to me.

He said i always have to watch my ps and qs with you

Wtaf??

It’s the needless pointing out of ‘difference’ that is considered racist. It’s highly unlikely he would have said “angry little white man”. That is why this comment is racist and not simply descriptive - I hope people trying to argue that point are just naïve on this.

My DP used to do this when relaying stories. I stopped him each time and we discussed that the fact that the woman he was talking about was black (or whatever) had no bearing on what she did so why mention it. His defence was as a copper they always describe people’s perceived ethnicity & sex (IC3 male etc) and it was force of habit to notice/mention - he thought he was just being descriptive/providing context too - after understanding why it can be racist to do this in irrelevant situations he stopped though, because he’s not actually a dick. He certainly didn’t try to criticise/shame me for calling out casual racism.

I agree with you op
It doesn't seem like he gets why it's racist either

Using words like little, slight etc is a very common slur horrible people use when referring to people (particularly men) from the Indian subcontinent. Comments like little Paki/Indian are fairly common. It’s akin to people who refer to certain ethnicities as slit eyes, or big chops etc.

If the person was white would he have said “angry little white man”?

I think it's unacceptable.

Then why post in AIBU OP?

I don't think it was racist either.
Unless he changed his tone when he said 'Indian' to use it as a discriminatory term.

He was just describing him to you.

If the customer had been an obnoxious middle aged white man, he'd probably have told you he was white.

I say angry little british man a lot but I do work in the Middle East where they are all angry little men with red cheeks

I don’t think “little” is a slur. It is just referring to the size of a person or their being petty as in getting angry over a little thing.

If you say all descriptors of nationality or race are racist, and all descriptors of size then just saying “angry little woman” or “angry little man” would be sexist. Also ageist because man or woman= adult human.

How are you supposed to describe a perpetrator of anything?
The OPs bf was verbally abused by a “angry human”? Say, I go out and get raged at for eating eggs on the train(happened in U.K.). But I cannot describe my verbal abuser as “an angry blonde white english woman” without being called racist, sexist ageist. So I must say “it was a human who raged at me. I cannot say race or nationality or sex or age or size because that would make me a bigot.” So good luck police finding him/her/them

For me it would depend if it was a one off comment or not. I wouldn't be in a rush to end a relationship because of this one comment, it isn't the right way to say something but it's also not the worst thing to say, he could have genuinely not realised it could be perceived as racist, but if there has been other comments, or a repeat in the future and it doesn't sit well with you then you have every right to end the relationship.

I doubt the man was in fact little. Bf uses the term 'little' to describe people of colour all the time. I quote 'little China woman' 'little African man'

It is racist because it's a diminutive descriptor. It's likely untrue and unnecessary.

I've never heard him say 'angry little English man', .

Looking forward to the replies that say Shinnoo's bf is racist but Onioncrumble is not, because I know someone will do the "mental gymnastics"

Simon....so by your logic “Brit” and “Aussie” are slurs because why? It’s just an abbreviated version of a nationality.

And they are not “akin” to derogatory racial slurs like “round eye” at all.

I've never heard him say 'angry little English man'

Of course you haven't. We're in England where the country is 88% white English. If he said an angry man walked in your assume that her was white/ English

How big is your bf OP? Is he 6ft or so? Because if he is taller than average man, then 75% of the planet is little compared to him.

If he's just your boyfriend and you don't have financial entanglements or children in common you can end the relationship for any reason or none. You don't need to justify not wanting to be together with a "good enough" reason.

Bit different if your decision will impact children in common or if one of you will be homeless if you split up - then it's worth trying to work things out/ get counselling before making big decisions triggered by one sentence...

If he says he "always has to mind his ps and q's with you" you probably aren't on the same wavelength, and if it's an as yet fairly easy situation to detach from, do so.

We say angry English man or woman all the time here in France especially in the summer when many english tourists are here. If they were being petty or of small stature or very young like annoying 19yr old we would say little too.

Little is usually intended to be derogatory when refering to an adult male though, sexist stereotypes ensure that - big is usually intended to be derogatory when refering to an adult woman, and little when referring to an adult man...

People say short or tall to be neutrally descriptive, and big and little to be derogatory, when talking about adults.

So did he know for a fact he was from India OP?

It’s definitely problematic, but it may stem from habit rather than prejudice and I think you may have jumped the gun.

Like s previous poster said, if you used the word Irish (or French or German) it would be unlikely that you'd be accused of an "ism" . Under theses circumstances I'd see it as a word that helps give a fuller picture of the person you're describing.

But he didn’t see “I met an Indian guy today”.

He called him an “angry little Indian man”.

There’s a massive difference. His ethnicity / nationality is not in the least relevant and the phrasing is both derogatory and an attempt to link the two.

I'm not saying I'm not racist. It's human nature to notice differences in people

But surely this isn't the same as saying 'angry little white man' that lots of people are saying would be an unlikely descriptor. The equivalent would be angry little Scottish man, angry little American, angry little Italian which I can't imagine having the same reaction. If he'd used a derogatory word it would have been totally unacceptable of course but if the man was small, angry and Indian I couldn't get her up about it any more than someone describing me and a medium angry Scots woman

You're absolutely right, OP. I bet he wouldn't say 'angry little black man' but this is just as bad. As you say, he is saying 'little' to demean the person and linking it to their ethnicity.

He probably wants to say 'angry little paki'. I would dump amd run.

This is one of those threads that remind me how white MN is, and how racist it can be.

@GiveHerHellFromUs & @Snoozysnoozy it was unnecessary to use the descriptor it didn’t add to the story and whether you like it or not using the excuse that 88% of Britain is white therefore the norm is racist. Stop othering ethnic minorities...

I've never met an angry Indian person. I've never met an angry Chinese person either. British people on the other hand, always so bloody angry! I never really use race to describe someone. I will just say 'this lady today was nice to me in the shop' or 'this idiot cut me off at the junction today!'. I would only really use race if I was being interviewed by the police for an exact description of a person