This is racist aibu to dump

[Shinnoo]

We are both white.

Bf described an annoying customer to me as an 'angry little Indian man'.

When I said that is totally unacceptable, he said well he was angry and he was of South Indian descent so what I supposed to say?

And I was like errr if you're going to use diminutive , negative words before an ethnic description that is racism and is totally unacceptable to me.

He said i always have to watch my ps and qs with you

Wtaf??

“
But there are plenty of people out there that are on high alert to pounce as soon as they hear something that they can deliberately take the worst possible meaning from”

Massively outnumbered in my experience by the “It was only a joke/descriptor/throw away comment /you can’t say anything nowadays/ people are too sensitive/you’re all snowflakes” racist apologists......

I think this is maybe ignorance rather than full on racism, I have elderly relatives who say things like "my doctor is a lovely little Indian man", now they wouldn't said "my dentist is a lovely white man", but for them living in a fairly sheltered world the doctors ethnicity/skin colour/nationality is worth commenting on because it is unusual for them. There are lots of people like this, mainly older and in rural areas, who aren't racist per se but who don't know any non-white non-British people.

But that said, I wouldn't want to date someone who had that sort of narrow world view, maybe you aren't compatible.

Mountain, molehill. But it's your choice so crack on.

“ I think this is maybe ignorance rather than full on racism, I have elderly relatives who say things like "my doctor is a lovely little Indian man", now they wouldn't said "my dentist is a lovely white man",”
Why did you leave “little” out of the second example?

Fridgepants. Yes little can be used in a derogatory way but in the context of the OP talking about her boyfriend who had been verbally abused by an “angry little x” it was used in a descriptive way not a derogatory way.

Little can even be used as a joke, as in Little John in Robin Hood. Little has many contexts, not just a derogatory meaning or use.

Context is everything. And no it was clearly descriptive, not derogatory.

I think it’s strange that we are policing how a person verbally abused by a customer describes their abuser when no slurs or names were used at all.

It wasn’t racist.

People all over the world describe people not in the ethic majority as their ethnicity. Why do they do that? Because if they don’t we all assume they belong to our own ethic group. Why do we do that? Because we are human and that’s how our Brains are wired.

Get a life

@Jasonh What absolute rubbish. What white supremacist site did you lift that from? Lastly you should take your own advice.

Is this the line for being offended on behalf of some one else?

So it's not relevant that the customer is of assumed Indian background. How relevant is it that the person was male, and short? I'll assume the fact that the customer was angry is relevant.

This reminds me of a few years ago when England's football team captain, John Terry, was (rightly) found to have racially abused another player by calling him a 'black bastard'.

He, and others, tried to argue it wasn't racist because 'black' isn't an insult...but why mention the victim's ethnicity?

When you're diminishing a person and bring their race/nationality into the equation, it usually demonstrates prejudice.

Have you ever actually looked into any research about the way human brains function ? It’s like you don’t want to admit our brains use stereotypes to make decoding this extremely complicated world easier...
White suprematist website ? Really? Considering I’m married to a Malaysian woman I think failed the “intro to being a bigot” course

@sarahnade

Further to the above when my wife told her parents we were in a relationship they asked “is he a white man”
Would be interested to know if you think that reaction would have come from a Malaysian supremacist website ?

I don't think that's racist.

@Jasonh There is a difference between being wary of things and people as a self-preservation instinct, and pointing out the race of someone needlessly. No matter what you say, you cannot get past that or justify it, as it cannot be justified. FYI, most sexists and racists state "I can't be sexist/racist, I am married to a woman/a person of a different race". It means absolutely nothing. I've come across white men with Phillipina mail order brides, and they are some of the racist men I've ever come across. Also, a person can be racist against blacks, and married to an Asian. It justifies nothing, and that you even when to the oldest line in the book 'I can't be racist because I'm married to a Malaysian', is very lame.

You still cannot get past the fact that unless it is necessary for the purposes of identification there is absolutely no justification at all for using a race qualifier when talking about a random person you bumped into. None....whatsoever. Full stop.

I've been called an Indian lots of times. I'm mixed race with a black dad and white Irish mum. My skin is brown, so a certain group of people assume I'm from India when I have straight hair. When I have curly hair they use other names for me or ask me where I'm from, even though I have a northern accent.

It's racist and one step from using the P word, which I've also been called and when challenged told they assumed I was from Pakistan and how some people are so easily offended.

Unless the person told him he was from India, or he was wearing something from an Indian sports team, it's racist to assume someone is from a country without knowledge. It's the same as people from North or South Korea and Japan/ Thailand being called Chinese, or people born in the UK with Asian heritage being called 'little Chinese Man/woman despite their accent, surname or height. Unless you are describing someone who has committed or the victim of a crime, you do not need to guess someone's country of origin.

Unless you are describing someone who has committed or the victim of a crime, you do not need to guess someone's country of origin.

The OPs boyfriend was verbally abused by an irate customer....does it have to be an actual crime to be allowed to use descriptive but nonoffensive terms? What about a creepy stalker scare, is it ok for a woman to describe him/her even if it was just a scare and not a real stalking crime?

@sarahnade

So you are saying my wife’s parents description of me as a “white man” was not justified. Full stop.

I think you need to calm down a bit to be honest. I just take people as they come as does most people I know

My snobby grandmother would talk about the little man who cleaned her windows or the little woman who altered her dresses for her. It is a diminutive descriptor in that context. Added to angry, it is meant to make the person described seem ridiculous. Adding a nationality is meant to further ridicule that person, so of course it’s skirting racism.