This is racist aibu to dump

[Shinnoo]

We are both white.

Bf described an annoying customer to me as an 'angry little Indian man'.

When I said that is totally unacceptable, he said well he was angry and he was of South Indian descent so what I supposed to say?

And I was like errr if you're going to use diminutive , negative words before an ethnic description that is racism and is totally unacceptable to me.

He said i always have to watch my ps and qs with you

Wtaf??

People who are racist always say they aren’t.

Are you racist then?

“And I profoundly disagree with you. Are you saying that some terms/names/words are inherently racist regardless of context or the person using them?“

Yes. There is no context in which “angry little Indian man” is not racist.

@BertandRussell@ I was a victim of a serious crime, the police needed a description in this context how was it racist to mention the man's height, colour and accent? I was face to face with him, this is what I most remember of him. In other circumstances his appearance would be irrelevant and to use describe him in such a way could be racist and I would not mention it. Hence I say context matters.

@themidastouch yes I was being unreasonable to ask.

Either he gets the problem and sorts it out or he doesn't.

And I guess what reading some responses on this thread has shown me is - I don't give a fuck if I'm on my high horse and calling out unchecked racism in everyday language. It's unacceptable.

“Racism can depend on context.“

You don't think context matters?

Yeah I would re the angry little Scottish woman, considering the centuries of oppression that the Scots have endured by the English, as well as the obviously sexist nature of that description.

@Shinnoo well said.

I think people use race descriptors so often it becomes the norm, so when things like this are pointed out they just cannot see why it is racist.

I’m sick, sick, sick of being described by the colour of my skin or my perceived race (I’m born and bred in the UK ffs!) I am just me, I have so many other things than what colour I am.

It's not sexist to describe a woman as angry any more than a man. How is "angry little Scottish woman" sexist but "angry Scottish man" wouldn't be

You're detailing by referring to context. Of course during a police investigation description is imperative.

If we're going to go there about context, it's about unchecked white privilege. I have to go to work now!

If you need to accurately describe someone then of course skin colour is important and not racist.

“Angry little Indian man” when telling an anecdote? Not so much.

But if the person calling you and "angry little Scottish woman" was from an allegedly more historically oppressed group would it make any difference?

Of course it’s racist!

I’m British born and bred but my parents were born in Sri Lanka. For all intents and purpose I’m British but have darker skin.

If someone called me an “angry Indian woman” it would be wrong on so many levels - I don’t view myself as different to any “angry English” woman other than the amount of melanin in my skin!

And also I’m not even of Indian heritage!

My husband is from a very rural place in Scotland and when I go, I constantly get asked when did I come to the uk (even though my accent is fully British), or told that they once knew a pretty Indian girl that looked exactly like me!

It’s not malicious but it’s singling me out because of the melanin content of my skin. It’s making me feel like an “other” constantly - when I consider myself as the same and I have contributed to this country my entire life and share all of its values.

THerefore of course it’s racist.

People who are racist always say they aren’t.

And people who aren't racist always say they aren't.

Funnily enough yours is the only post removed for being racist, so what does that tell you?

OP I think you're categorically incompatible and this thread has shown you how differently we all think, I can't see you and DP ever seeing eye to eye on this.

Seriously?
So what is BF allowed to call an annoying person of non-white origin?
Or can only white people be talked about?
This is not a racist comment.
If you are this PC I fear for your relationship with BF
YABU

@GiveHerHellFromUs my post wasn’t removed or being racist 😂 I told someone to fuck off not so nicely because of their views.

OP I think you're categorically incompatible and this thread has shown you how differently we all think, I can't see you and DP ever seeing eye to eye on this.

Spot on. It doesn't matter what random people on a forum think, if you both have different attitudes to key things then you're incompatible.

And no being singled out every day for my skin colour (it is only my skin colour as my accent is British and I am British in every other way) is not the same as being described as of south Asian origin in a police investigation.

We are talking about the difference between an investigation and every blooming day of my existence - when I’m a taxpaying, British born, person who is British in my thoughts and values - the only difference is the amount of melanin in my skin. That is it

Oh yes and although I am white I am not a UK national. I am very short, and Irish and most people would describe me that way. I would not be offended by that but I might be upset if people may general derogatory comments about my country. Which is what I mean by racism being contextual.

@Meshy23 I hate this as well. I get asked where I’m from, I reply where I’m from (I have a strong Nottinghamshire accent) and it’s almost always followed up with “Where are you really from?” So not only do they not believe I’m from where I’m from, they’re also implying that I’m a liar.

OP you are not being unreasonable. Ask him if he would say angry little white man? Then see what his reaction is. He needs it pointed out that to use a racial qualifier ie black, Indian, Asian is racist, and he has grown up with casual racists who think it's appropriate. I suspect you are the only one who has ever called him out on this. That he thinks he has to mind what he says with you clearly shows that he is so used to saying these things that he believes hiding his racism in front of you is preferable to him examining why he says these things and making a change within himself.

Tbh, yes, I would dump him. He sees no reason to change, and you can betchya that he thinks worse things than he utters when he is with you.

@SimonJT or “where are your parents from?”

Like people can’t actually believe generations of my family were all born in the UK. Why?

@MustardScreams ok I apologise then. I saw MNHQ's post and only saw your post had been removed.

In that case you were perfectly reasonable I stand by the 'racists don't admit to being racist' comment being daft though 🙈

@GiveHerHellFromUs it ok! I probably would have thought the same thing tbh.

My view is quite ridiculous, I just hear “I’m not racist but...” ALL THE TIME and I didn’t word my post very well.

@SimonJT - exactly!

Why is it impossible to understand that treating people as an “other” only because of the colour of their skin is not acceptable and is racist

If you wouldn’t say “angry white” man or “angry English man” don’t say “angry Indian man”

It’s really not that complex

Some posters don't seem to have read the OP's updates, where she said that he has form for using the word 'little' when describing someone of a different ethnicity. He isn't describing the person he's talking about, as I very much doubt every one of them could be accurately described as 'little'.

I agree that it's racist in that context.