This is racist aibu to dump

[Shinnoo]

We are both white.

Bf described an annoying customer to me as an 'angry little Indian man'.

When I said that is totally unacceptable, he said well he was angry and he was of South Indian descent so what I supposed to say?

And I was like errr if you're going to use diminutive , negative words before an ethnic description that is racism and is totally unacceptable to me.

He said i always have to watch my ps and qs with you

Wtaf??

For me I always look behind the intent of the words, and as a pp said would you have assumed it was racist if he said he was an angry little German man?

I think it's to do with accents, not race. So ifs white person had a non-Brit accent thru would be described by wherever the accent was placed, e.g. Irish, Spanish, Lithuanian

I'm another one who doesn't think this is racist. "Indian" isn't a racial slur and "little" and "man" are descriptive.

As for whether you are being unreasonable or not. Personally, I think it would be quite a flimsy reason to end a relationship but, ultimately, it's your opinion that matters.

I wish there was a scale for measuring disingenuousness....

@PBo83
All depends on context. Eg, was the man actually short or “little”? Was he actually Indian or just British Asian. Were the words said with a derogatory tone?

You are excusing it because you think a white person would be described as such. As others have pointed out this wouldn’t be the case.

Not here in the UK where white people are in the majority. If I was in India I'd expect that I would be described as white as that is what would stand out about me when compared to the rest of the population.

Why does this Indian man need to ‘stand out’ for OP, @Snoozysnoozy?

**If my old age is lonely and has an absence of racism, so be it

YES!!

Why does this Indian man need to ‘stand out’ for OP

I think he probably 'stood out' by being angry and possibly confrontational. I'm sure if he were Scottish he would have stood out as the "big angry Scotsman". That said, without context or hearing the original conversation it is hard to determine whether it was intended with racist undertones.

Hi all,

We're just posting to say that we've had many reports about the tone and direction of this thread and we'd like to enlist your help to keep things on track.

This type of discussion can attract subtly racist posts, which we delete. If you see anything which breaks the talk guidelines, please do report and we'll take action.

We want the conversation to flow, of course, but where we think any poster is being disingenuous we need to act.

I'm amazed that people can't see what is wrong with this.
The ethnicity/skin colour/etc. of a person has no bearing on whether they are angry, nice, tall or so forth
"An angry man" is fine, and accurate enough.

I see things like this in local FB groups - someone will say, "Dodgy looking Eastern European guys in a van..."
I generally ask how they know the people are specifically from Eastern Europe. The poster usually comes back with some half-thought through response about either 'looking foreign' or 'speaking foreign'.

Racism can depend on context. I was robbed recently, the person who did it was very tall (I came up to his armpit), he had a goatee beard, he was not white and his accent suggested not native born. In this context, his race and build is relevant. It's to help identify him in the unlikely chance that he is caught.

For context

He is often casually racist as are his family. Eye rolls about perceived black male aggression in clubs.

Frequent use of 'little" when that is not factually the case. It's a demeaning descriptor steeped in centuries of racist discourse to describe people who have been oppressed and colonised.

It's jaw dropping to me that this unacceptable racism, which has personal consequences for an individual's sense of self esteem, identity, goals and aspirations should continue to be minimised.

Way to state the obvious 😂

“Racism can depend on context.“

I profoundly disagree.

You’re not compatible

People will always minimise and this is the problem with indoctrinated racism. People can’t or won’t see it for what it is.

The amount of people on here desperately trying to argue against WHY airs racist, and not being able to just hold their hand sup and say you know what? I’ve done this before and I didn’t realise. I’ll make sure I will think about what I say I’m future.

But no, why try and stop racism when you can pretend you’re always in the right and never admit you feed the insidious nature of racism.

RiftGibbon

In your example though, assuming that the poster was highlighting these people as a potential risk, surely the inclusion of as much information is valuable.

If someone says "look out for three white Eastern European men in a van as they are conmen" this is much more helpful than "three men in a van". I couldn't, for example, distinguish a Lithuanian accent from a Polish or Romanian one but surely "Eastern European" is better than no description at all, particularly in the prevention of harm.

Obviously this doesn't necessarily relate to the OP's post where, asides from being angry (and presumably a bit obnoxious), the person in question wasn't a threat.

I think this is just another example of 'everday racism'. Just like being called a 'little woman' is sexist.

I don't want to get involved with why or why not this is racist - it is. And it's part of a wider discriminatory problem in this country which leads to individual alienation and a segregated society. That's what individual, unchecked attitudes reflected in language does.

People will always minimise and this is the problem with indoctrinated racism. People can’t or won’t see it for what it is.

I disagree. I said that I don't think the description of the man is inherently racist (although without context or intent it is impossible to tell). By your definition this makes me racist which simply isn't the case.

“Racism can depend on context.“

I profoundly disagree.

And I profoundly disagree with you. Are you saying that some terms/names/words are inherently racist regardless of context or the person using them?

OP, YABU to bother to write a thread asking whether you are unreasonable to dump your bf for his comment. You can dump him for any reason you wish.

And to me, it's collective unchecked attitudes such as this which as lead to...... Brexit.

People who are racist always say they aren’t.

I am white , my long term partner is West Indian and I did not find it racist, it was discriptive.

It is generally middle class white people that take offence at things like this. I remember something that was said in a group of people concerning race my partner was not offended , but the white liberals were and he thought it was a over reaction.

I think it is very telling that your partner is uncomfortable saying things around you and no one should feel like that.

Please be aware that real racism does exist, look at the football, where a particular country England were playing were doing monkey chants. This is what we need to be disgusted about and doing something about. My partner is very proud and accepts no racism, however he does not look for things to be offended by. I think things the OP writes about trivialises racism.

Would you have been as angry if he had referred to me as an angry little Scottish woman?