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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex taking child on holiday

345 replies

Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 09:33

My ex husband has custody (residency order) of our 9 year old son which was ordered by the court after a lengthy court battle. I have recently found out that my ex & his wife are taking my son and their children out of school for 2 weeks to go to Disneyland. I have spoken to my ex to express my disapproval about taking him out of school however his response is that as he is resident parent he legally has the right to take our son abroad for up to 4 weeks without my written permission. I have checked the order that was issued by the court and to be fair it does state that but I do have a big problem with him taking him during term time so my question is should I apply for a pso to try to prevent my son being taken on holiday during term time? Any advice please

OP posts:

AmIThough · 13/11/2019 09:37

If the court order states that he can legally take your child without your permission then I don't think there's much you can do.

How old is the child, how much contact do you have, and why do you have an issue with it?

ghostfromholidaypast · 13/11/2019 09:39

Doesn't matter if your RP or NRP preventing a dc holiday is just mean. School is important but so is travelling and seeing the world is too plus fun.

Nicknacky · 13/11/2019 09:40

Be honest with yourself, what is your true objection?

Original poster

Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 09:43

My son is 9 and I see him twice a week after school for dinner plus every other Friday night until 4pm Saturday. I understand that travel and family time is important too but he could potentially take him out of school several times a year to go away if he wants to and I feel that could have a detrimental effect

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 13/11/2019 09:44

If it's an unauthorised absence, I think you can be fined as they fine both parents (although I don't know how often fines are issued).

School is important but so is travelling and seeing the world is too plus fun.

Disneyland is not "travelling".

Doyoumind · 13/11/2019 09:46

He'll get fined but I think you might too. Not an expert on this at all.

Original poster

Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 09:46

It’s just resident parent that is fined however if he does not pay the fine then I assume they can come after me for it; to be honest I know my ex would just pay the fine so that isn’t my concern although I’m not sure that his school do fine as many in the area don’t

OP posts:

HopefullyAnonymous · 13/11/2019 09:47

I think you need to take a hard look at what your objections really are and where they stem from.

I presume your DS knows about the holiday? I’ve no idea what issues led to you losing custody of him but I doubt preventing his holiday will do anything other than be detrimental to your relationship. I would let this one go.

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 13/11/2019 09:47

Think of the child. Don't drag, or attempt to drag, them all through court again. Yes school is important, but I'm assuming this won't be a regular occurrence, let them go and have fun?

dietcokemum · 13/11/2019 09:48

Why do you have so little contact? What is the back story - there must be one. Personally I would write to the school and LEA to put it formally in writing that you do not agree to the missed school.

lau888 · 13/11/2019 09:48

Whatever you do about the parenting dispute... Contact the school immediately to make it clear you did not arrange this vacation and you do not endorse any unauthorised absence. Assuming you still have PR, both you and your ex-husband will be liable for a fine. It is unlikely that the school will authorise a 2-week absence. :( OTOH, it is possible that you may be able to successfully appeal any liability as you are the NRP and didn't apply for the absence.

AmIThough · 13/11/2019 09:49

But he's not taking him out multiple times a year is he? It's a special occasion for an amazing holiday.

You're depriving your son and his siblings for no reason. It's not an important school year and it's important for kids to know there's more to life.

Musicalstatues · 13/11/2019 09:49

I think it’s unlikely that a 2 week term time holiday to Disney is suddenly going result in your ex taking him out of school multiple times a year......

aprilanne · 13/11/2019 09:49

Sorry but you would only come across as bitter and I doubt he would do it twice a year ever year .

YouFellAsleeep · 13/11/2019 09:49

It’s 2 weeks. There’s more to life than school. I assume he’s not constantly missing school. Let him enjoy a holiday.

Jizzle · 13/11/2019 09:50

I think what your ex is doing with your DS is excellent and should be roundly applauded. Do you seriously want to deprive your child of a holiday to Disneyland just because you want to spite your ex?

WorraLiberty · 13/11/2019 09:51

You can sort the issue of any fines out with the LA and you won't be made to pay.

Only try to wreck your child's trip of a lifetime if you're happy to have him hate you for it.

Or you could help him catch up on the 10 days school work he'll have missed.

Original poster

Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 09:51

I’m not sure if my sin knows about the holiday as I did not hear it from him and I wouldn’t want to say anything as it’s not my place. They have taken their own children out of school to visit my ex’s wife’s family as she is Spanish so they go a few times a year which is my concern that this isn’t a one off. My sin does not get on with my partner and told cafcass that he wants to live with his father.

OP posts:

Cheeseandwin5 · 13/11/2019 09:52

I would say if you throw a spanner into this, than expect your ex to do likewise in the future.

weymouthswanderingmermaid · 13/11/2019 09:53

You can put your objections to your ex but he doesn't have to listen, not much more you can do. Your son will have an amazing time, though. Try and see the positive side to this.

MyDcAreMarvel · 13/11/2019 09:53

Be realistic a two week trip to Disney in year 4/5 will not affect your ds GCSE results. Neither would you be fined even if ex doesn’t pay. All that would happen is your ds be incredibly upset at missing Disney.

Oysterbabe · 13/11/2019 09:54

They probably can't afford to pay double to go in the school holidays. It's not something I'd do but wouldn't kick up a fuss as a one off.

Original poster

Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 09:54

Just to be clear I have no problem with my son going on holiday during school holidays it’s just the removal from school that I object to as it could be more than once a year

OP posts:

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 13/11/2019 09:54

I’m a single parent who has always taken my children away in term time and had them do work while we are abroad as it’s what I can afford and another great experience for education not places like Disneyland, but this year my eldest DD has started secondary school and it’s something I really don’t want to do now her Education is at a higher level so need to reassess what we've been doing but I’ve have had they fathers support with it so never been a issue,
I can see why you may not want him to go away but if the holidays been booked the alternative now is he stays here and doesn’t miss any work in school while the rest of them all go abroad to Disneyland or none of them go away which I’m sure DS will hold against you if he really is looking forward to going?
Has he been given the opportunity to go abroad or on holidays often or has he yet to go abroad? Has it ever been during term time before?

MyDcAreMarvel · 13/11/2019 09:54

I wonder if you have a habit of punishing your ex to the detriment of your ds? Is this partly why your ex has residency.

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